Say this hypo, mean that crisy

1 ## He drives really well.

He breaks every traffic rule, drives as if his car is a batpod, is traffic signal blind, experience orgasms by honking, derives sadistic pleasure by making people run in front of his car.

2 ## She is a homely girl

She knows how to knead dough, doesn’t talk to strange boys, loves to cry while cutting onions, worships Balaji Telefilms, comes with a remote control, has cobwebs between her legs.

3 ## He is a homely Boy

Does not know what an erection is, urinates in his pants when a girl comes and say ‘Hi’, puts loads of oil in his hair, stammers while talking to his father, eats food only from the hands of his mother, watches Jai Santoshi Maa.

4 ## He is very rich

He is malevolent, is politically connected, has goons available on the snap of his fingers, does not remember the face of his children, has an extramarital affair, has a sobbing sexually deprived gorgeous wife at home who is having an affair with the gardener, has a high-class bitch of a mother, must die of AIDS.

5 ## His wife is too modern

She goes to gym, wears body hugging clothes, shows her enviable cleavage profusely, has a social circle of spoilt rich ladies like her, does not cook for her family, has a very depressed husband at home, drinks like a fish, has a shocked mother-in-law who wonders what she has got her son into.

6 ## She is a very good actress

She has done loads of semi nude dance numbers, has worked with all top heroes, has big breasts, has the same laughing and crying face, is a virgin, is beautiful, is white.

7 ## All politicians are corrupt

I do not have as much money as those illiterate bastards have; I want a Swiss bank account, I want that power. I want to be a politician so that I could earn that money. My life is pathetic. God hates me.

8 ## My only solace is in the feet of Gods

I donate loads of money to temples, I donate my hair, I give milk bath to the Gods, I follow all the top religious gurus, I help build temples in parks meant for children. I hate other religions. My God bestest.

9 ## What was she doing outside the pub at 12?

How dare she have a life? How can others enjoy when I am suffering my boring miserable existence? How can a woman have such freedom? I completely support molestation of the bitch. She is a slave. Rape her. She deserves it because she is not my sister.

10 ## The maid is a part of our family

I give food to her in a separate plate, she sits and sleeps on the floor, she is not allowed to touch my food, she is a potential thief and I have to be careful, she might murder me for the gold I have bought with my black money, she is a low life.

11 ## Poor, hungry people!

Thank God it is not me in their place, filthy people, they are a menace to the society, that is where criminals come from, don’t encourage begging, let them die – that is the best way to wipe them out. Someone incinerate them!

12 ## What a marriage!

They spent lakhs on the decoration, they must have given a heavy dowry, the bride and groom looked like an extension of the red carpet, the quantity of food could have fed the entire population of Zimbabwe, pride = show-off = puffy chests, my marriage was pathetic.

13 ## What a movie!

The hero stood on two running horses, we laughed on comic sequences which won’t make a mentally stable person laugh; the heroine had bucket butts, the hero killed ten goons by throwing them at the moon, jeeps and tomato ketchup flew, there was a romantic song after the hero’s family was butchered.

14 ## I need a cultured girl for my son

I need a maid who works for free, I need a girl who produces male heirs, I need a hen who lays golden eggs, I need a slave who follows my finger. I am the queen of this 2 bedroom flat. I will die a queen. Only I will buy underwear for my son.

15 ## I belong to a cultured family

I don’t have a brain, I take permission from my parents every time I pick my nose, I don’t have any hobbies other than making money and watching porn, my parents have a long pokey nose and we breed girls as cows.

16 ## We don’t need any dowry

I hope you are wise enough to understand what we mean *wink wink*? Make sure your daughter is not visible under the layers of jewellery, don’t give any stupid middle class cars, our family is shitty because we sell our son, our son is a mule.

17 ## Your girlfriend drinks? Wow!

She must be good in bed, you must be having a great time in cinema halls. Lucky bastard! My girlfriend sucks. I want your slutty girlfriend.

76 comments on “Say this hypo, mean that crisy

  1. Amit, I have visited your blog earlier and shared some posts on my FB page. Only I was not sure that you are the guy from mashedmusings . Thank you for visiting Freebird.And if you are on Fb pl add me as a friend. Its easier for me to track new posts from there.

    • Hi Alka,
      Thanks for sharing my posts. 🙂
      I tried to add your blog to my favourites but I think you cannot do that via a Facebook page. I have separate FB account for my blog and another personal account.
      If you would like to track my posts on FB, I will suggest you to to go ahead and like my blog’s FB page. The link is in the third box on the sidebar.

  2. Amit, you crazy man. You are just too good in this genre. Each one was a gem and a great commentary on the idiots that we are. BTW what does it mean if I say that you are a fantastic blogger :).

  3. If only we could say it like it is instead of covering up the sad reality with cleverly chosen adjectives, everyone’s lives would have been easier, happier and simpler.
    Great list Amit!

    • I believe that all these euphemisms and gentle words stem from the doubts we harbor in our minds. Deep inside the person who uses them knows that he is wrong.
      Thanks My Era.

    • Oh yes! The examples are all around us. And it is used very selectively based on our convenience. For example, your daughter doing a job is ‘freedom’, your daughter doing a job in another city is ‘modern’ and your daughter doing a job in another city and going to a pub is ‘slutty’. None of this applies to the son, of course.

  4. hehehe…Amit, each one is a killer..When I saw the first few I thought, you still didn’t get over the Shilpa Shirodkar’s hang over…:P How can you manage do write such witty stuff?

  5. 18## We are God fearing people
    Point noted. God fearing, not God loving. For the fear of God, we will not burn your daughter for dowry, we will only harass her until she brings everything we can’t buy ourselves.

    19## She is our Daughter, not a DIL
    Only that she can’t wear what she wants to, she can’t continue her job, she can’t stay out late and can’t visit her parents. Our daughter can do these things coz she is a wise girl.

    20## It is for your own good
    I don’t know how else to convince you to jump off from that building.

    Great post!

  6. LOVE this list! I also don’t understand when people say that they have given ‘full freedom’ to their children or wives or DILs. It just means they are clever with concealed controlling. Freedom can never be given – you are born with it!

    • Thanks celestialrays.
      After your child turns into an adult, there is no question of ‘giving’ him/her freedom. But we do not understand this concept. A child is like a car – a status symbol. Something we must be able to flaunt.
      True, freedom can never be given, but how many people understand this?

  7. Unfortunately, we can’t live without hypocricy cause life would be unbearable without it! Sometimes, when I hear my dad criticizing people behind their back, I’m terrified because I know they do the same about us!

    • Marilay,
      I agree that we all are hypocrites to a certain degree. It varies from individual to individual. But for some, it turns into something downright malevolent, something so sinister that their actions have nothing to do with their thoughts. In India, you can experience it vividly. Just go to any of the articles in an online daily about a woman getting raped and read the comments. You will understand what I mean.

  8. You have opened a Godawful canister of worms! You have also amazingly summed up them all in few short words. The other day I came upon a gentleman on Twitter who said, ‘I am getting 600 to 700 hits per day on my site. Awesome!’ Braggart? Hypocrite? A$$#0%*? Maybe he was telling the truth but apparently he is battling certain inferiority complexes. And that could be mother-tree of the whole lot of behaviours captured by your epic definitions.

    Excellent! I pondered upon, waited and savoured each and every one of them.

    • 600 to 700 hits is a very normal thing for an average blog. Most of them are spams and people searching for an image or for a keyword you have vaguely used in a post. If someone brags about it, then he needs help. I agree, that it a behavioral pattern stemming from a complex.
      I get really irritated when people brag about their sons. I understand that your son is going to be the next American president but do you have to remind me of that every time we meet?
      Thanks Uma. I am glad you liked the post.

  9. Wow! you sure have a way with words..where you good at precise writing when you were in school..because I would have ended up making a 1000 word post of each of that point and yet not been so hard rock man!

    • If you feature nowhere, then you belong to an endangered category of humans. Someone must fight for our right to exist like they are doing for tigers and lions.

    I need a maid who works for free, I need a girl who produces male heirs, I need a hen who lays golden eggs, I need a slave who follows my finger. I am the queen of this 2 bedroom flat. I will die a queen. Only I will buy underwear for my son.”

    It should be rather “I am wueen yo 2 bedrooms

    • I am sure you too are an ‘English medium Indian’ as you can write a comment in English. If you are not, then probably you are a racist freak from some other country.
      And if you did not like the post, it will be a good idea to never return to my blog.

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