The price of Happyness

Do you remember this photograph?


Well, if you don’t, then you better READ THIS. Anyways, the point is that I have to change the photograph a little bit. This is how it looks like now:


(Clockwise from top : S, A, L, P, Ra, Ru and Me)

I need answers. I feel like exploding. I want to scream. I feel like a human who was abducted by aliens and had no idea where he was in the last two months or why this happened to him.

I want to know if this happens only to me or are all of us sailing in the same boat?

This has been a salient feature throughout my life and it freaks me out at times. Whenever there is a small tinge of happiness in my life I always have to pay a price for it. The bigger the happiness, the bigger the price. No, I don’t want to balm myself with all the shit about You-wont-know-the-price-of-happiness-till-you-know-what-pain-is. Believe me, I have been through so much pain for so many small tiny happy moments in my life that all I remember is the pain. There is a shloka in Sanskrit which roughly translates to – If you don’t get things at the right time, the rasa(taste) of happiness is not the same. I think either that Shloka was written by me in my previous birth OR someone in the past wrote it when he saw my life through a Crystal Ball. Does this happen to everyone? Or is it just me?

I have always dreamt of seeing the world. To say that I was “happy” when I was told that I would be working from Manchester would be an understatement. I was elated. I was on cloud nine!!! But there was a price attached to it. I could almost see that cynical, mocking smile on God’s face.

“Do you think you are going to get all this for free? You fool!”. And the smirking followed.

I moved to Manchester in February and soon after A and L got married(to each other, that is) that month. We were sad and happy at the same time. For the first time in my life, I understood what “Mixed Feelings” meant. None of us(except the couple) could make it to the wedding. Four of us were in USA and I was in UK.Β 

I was somehow trying to console myself when the second bomb dropped. Ra and Ru got married(to each other, that is) in April, although we were hoping that it won’t be scheduled before December. Thankfully the newly wed L and A were in India and they were able to make it. Even if the rest of us could have thought about a plan to fly and attend the wedding, the great storm of “Recession” was already looming on the horizon.

I had never imagined in my wildest dreams that I could miss those two weddings. These six fools mean so much to me that I will never forgive God for doing this to us. I was talking to Ra a few days back, and I told him that I have lead a very happy life and if someone would have asked me to go back and change one moment of my life, I would have never done that. But now, everything has changed. I want to go back and change things. If I could somehow go there, and be a part of it….

I was in control of my emotions since the last two months but while looking at the wedding pics which Ra has uploaded in Orkut, I came across a photo of Ra and Ru’s wedding reception where they were sitting with A and L. The caption below the photo read….

2 couples.. and we see many other invisible friends whom we can never forget…

That was it! When I read that caption, I completely broke down. This was the price of my happiness. I got what I wanted. I am in Manchester. But God took away something very very precious to me. Something, which will never happen again and I will never be a part of it.

Does this happen to you too? Is there always a price to pay? Is destiny God’s way of playing cruel jokes on us? Or are we entangled in our own webs of crisscrossed dreams?

p.s. We finally cracked the formula for keeping a group intact. Just marry the girls. πŸ˜‰

[Photographs are copyrighted by me]

76 comments on “The price of Happyness

  1. This one truly touches my heart and I definitely relate a lot to it…!!! However, a belief still stands by that this one relationship for “Friendship” is completely forever…till the the last breath you take..! In the meantime, a lot of other relationships may just come and go but friends are that one set of people that nature has made to be there forever. It surely does require a lot of hardddd work to sustain it!

    • I think the fact that we are all so far away and still crave for each other’s presence says a lot. πŸ™‚
      I agree with you.
      And, no…there is no girl left here! πŸ˜€ I have to marry outside the group! 😦

  2. First I thought u r going to talk about U being single still πŸ˜›
    Just recenty I was unable to attend the marriage of my colleague of 4 years and a good friend due to exams. It felt bad 😦

  3. I totally relate to this one. This has happened innumerable times with me, not only with friends but with family as well. You have to pay the price. Somehow god doesn’t let you enjoy the moment in its whole sense. Something somewhere is always missing. I couldn’t attend two of my best friends wedding since I was in Singapore at that time. My best friend from school couldnt attend my wedding since her in-laws (being orthodox that they are), didn’t send her from Hyderabad to Mumbai. I inwardly cursed them, I believe she did too. And everytime such an incident happens, you try to think positively and wonder whether the next big happy moment in your life would be complete.

    • Oh yes. I too have missed marriages of so many cousins but it never pinched like this one! 😦 I don’t understand why life is like that. Why can’t things be perfect?

      • We just take some things for granted. And then at that time destiny takes over and says you are not in control of the situation. 😦

  4. it’s sad that you couldn’t be at your friends’ special days. i don’t think there are many things, if any at all, that can make up for that. but if there could be anything, it is the fact that the bond between you and your friends stays strong in spite of that. and i think being there for your friends long after the marriage can be just as important as being there for your friends at the day of their marriage. πŸ™‚

    • Yes. Very Sad! I don’t think anything can make up for that…
      The bond is there and will always be there. That is one fact which makes me very happy. Thanks! πŸ™‚

  5. I can totally relate to this – I just missed a close friend’s wedding day before yesterday.. But, guess, thats life.. Can’t be everywhere..

  6. If it’s any comfort, think of this like Valentine’s Day or Friendship day. Close friends remain close even if you missed that day… and in the years to come it will matter much more if you are always there for each other … but maybe this is no comfort 😦

  7. Amit!!!

    Cheer up man, aren’t these things part n parcel of life???

    You know I traveled some 790 kms to attend the mrrg of a close friend and because of somebody else could hardly spend 15 mins there…

    Certain things are beyond us and in such cases we should accept whatever is happening because I believe that whatever happens happens for best!!!

    So smile please πŸ™‚

    And I loved the collage!!!

  8. Don’t have much to say..but really missed u all.. none of the 5 of u turned up 😦
    Lets c if we can all make it to the next wedding… most likely u r the first one in the queue πŸ™‚
    waise last waali line mast hai.. hehehe..

    • Haan Yaar! That was the worst part. Koi ek to hona chahiye tha! 😦
      Aree…mere bharose mat baitho. I think ab Prashant ki baari hai. I have a feeling that abhi India jakar kuch hone wala hai. πŸ™‚

  9. Aww…Amit. I thought you were going to talk about how you have no girls left to marry from your gang. πŸ˜†

    Sometimes it happens. As far as you keep them in your heart, it is good. Hope the distance in miles don’t create distance in relations as well. Okay before I turn in KJo. I need to stop here. πŸ˜€

    • Haha! Yes, I started it that way! πŸ˜›
      I am sure you are an SRK fan!! πŸ™‚ And remember that dialogue – Pyar dosti hai? That completely fits here! πŸ™‚

  10. Dont worry bhaiya… We still have 3 chances to make it happen… just the apparel will change… And isn’t it always a fact that there’s a price tag attached to everything… you see you live a life where you pay price of loosing it…

  11. Hi, I have a question. Won’t it be “Happiness” instead of “Happyness”? I’m sorry to ask it. I’m a sixteen from Bangladesh and a curious learner of English language [although got no teacher yet] that’s why I’m asking you…to settle down my confusion. πŸ™‚

    • Hi Aminul,
      Well, I took it from the movie – The Pursuit of Happyness. If you see that movie, you will understand. πŸ™‚
      Welcome to my blog!

  12. Hope you feeling better man. Iam sure it happens with lot of us..we pay a price for everything in life..dont we??

    “p.s. We finally cracked the formula for keeping a group intact. Just marry the girls”

    From the pic, I dont see anybody left for you now..unless you are into men, which I suspect you are not.. πŸ˜‰

    • Hmmm…yes we do. Its crazy but that’s the way things are.
      Well, no one is left now! And to set the record “straight”, none of the three left are into men. πŸ˜‰

  13. I guess this is one of the biggest prices of living so far away from home…you miss out on such important events.

    I too have missed a few cousins’ weddings this past year, and it sucks!

  14. πŸ˜† nice formula you guys struck πŸ˜€

    hota hai πŸ˜€ keep your eyes peeled ! πŸ˜€

    but yeah can so understand…same thing happened with me when it came to a cousin’s wedding and a friend’s 😦

    dont worry thats life and it well…just happens…

    cheer up πŸ˜€

    atleast they will make it to yours na? πŸ˜€

    • Oh yes! We have been plotting and planning since the beginning! πŸ˜› *kidding*
      Yes, I am cheering up slowly and slowly. 😦
      Ha! hopefully!

  15. It happens Amit . everything has a price and may be this was the price you had to pay for going to manchester. though the wedding wouldnt come again but at least your group is intact. you can definitely thank god for it. πŸ™‚

    • Yup! There always seems to be a price to pay.
      Right now I am not in a mood to thank god! πŸ™‚ I’ll think about it. πŸ˜›

  16. Dont lose your heart my friend… I am able to understand your thoughts… just remember one thing… everything happens for good… happys endings… I have experienced this many a times… arrange your marriage in such a way that everyone of your friend makes there πŸ™‚

    • Well, I think that some things can’t be related to a logical end. Some things just happen on the way and can’t be related to an “ending”. I don’t know what good will come out of my not being a part of something which would have given me immense pleasure and happiness. 😦
      I hope there is a logic.

  17. Happiness has its price. It is $1367.89 + Taxes. The Taxes are those little things that you need to sacrifice because you wanted all of those that you get from that 1000+ dollars (or pounds in your case). But hey, you can always photoshop it!

  18. Yes, that was the only place where I found happiness is spelled as “Happyness”. I’ve watched the movie but couldn’t finish it due to load-shedding [discontinuation of electric supply]. You know BD is becoming hell day by day.

    Anyway, thanks for welcoming this sixteen years old in this large blog. πŸ™‚ Feeling Great. Can I hope your visits in my blog, please? Also, can I dare to ask you for my blog to be enrolled in your “Bloggers I visit” widget? 😦 You know my name, so my blog link should sit in top. πŸ˜€

    By the way, you are welcome to my blog. It will be a great help for me if you notify me whenever you find any grammatical or spelling error or any other error regarding my English in my blog.

    • Thanks Aminul. I will surely visit your blog! Thanks for visiting mine. πŸ™‚
      And for the errors, there is always the “spelling and grammar” option in winword. πŸ™‚

  19. Sorry for you man. But this is life πŸ˜‰

    Things like this happens to all as far as I know.

    When I am in 12th, I had 2 close friends and we used to think at that time that other 2 should present in another’s marriage (atleast) since it is the best moment in anybody’s life.

    But in my group other 2 got married last year and nobody of us is able to make to other’s marriage because we are in US, Sweden & Colombia at that time.

    So if you are making any group with this new concept, I will come as a first member into it πŸ™‚

    • Its really sad, isn’t it. If we can’t be with people who matter, then what’s the point of having all this? Doesn’t everything become a little meaningless?

  20. be a strong man, don’t be so sentimantal. life is always like this. you are not in control of so may things in your life. face the odd ones and go ahead

  21. I missed a couple of weddings too, but I miss my friends more than the ceremony, because I am very anti-institutional so I don’t care about weddings. πŸ˜€ hehehe!

  22. marry the girls lol i like that!! πŸ˜€
    are any more girls left in ur group for u to keep ur eye on?? lol
    otherwise u’ll have to bring others from outside πŸ˜‰

  23. No. No more girls. Although I have a few friends in other groups but the count of single females is decreasing at an alarming rate.
    Outsiders will bring freshness in the group! πŸ˜‰

  24. Seems little meaningless only but if you are that much close, they will understand for sure that you are not physically present but your wishes always be there with them.

    Your case is exactly the same. So dont worry because you got a very good set of buddies πŸ˜‰

  25. Yes, I very well remember the photo πŸ˜€ And I am happy for A and L..also Ra and Ru…and am happy for you too πŸ™‚ The fact that you talk about your friends in your blog tells how much affection you have towards them πŸ˜€ And something like this gonna happen to me too…Two of my friends are getting married to each other…hopefully!! R and N have plans to get married…hope it works πŸ™‚ And dont worry about the amount of pain you faced all this while…If you face all the pain now itself, you can enjoy the second half of life :D..good theory, eh!?
    I am back to India in March and do not have regular internet access since then..It has been days together since I saw the face of my blog 😦 Many posts to catch up with..I will read the rest of your posts slowly and come to know about your ‘mashed’ manchester musings πŸ˜€ I am quite eager on what others like Nita, Arvind, Sakhi, Vishesh, Poonam, Harsh..oh my God! so many…are up to! C ya l8r..take care!!…Manoj

    • And, look who popped in! πŸ™‚ “Hopefully”…hmmm..I hope it finally comes true. Its a very different feeling to see two people getting married who have been very close friends. I still don’t believe that any of this has happened. It sounds like a dream. πŸ™‚
      Oh! You are in India! Grreat! So, get a nice internet connection soon and come back. πŸ™‚
      Take care and enjoy the summers! πŸ˜›

  26. I don’t know what to write here, Amit. But the post is sooo cute! πŸ™‚
    Although I’ve also missed wedding of one of my closest friend last week only nd m feeling as bad as u do, but not to the extreme of complaining it to God!

    Cheer up!

    • Cute? Hehe! πŸ™‚ Well, we all collectively cursed God. It was a big occasion for all of us. 😦 I am much better now. Thanks! πŸ™‚

  27. Amit you are lucky. I mean, if you look at it relatively, there were quite a number of things that I wanted and got after a paying a certain price ….. but the price was not wanting what I got. Sometimes, God gives you what you want but takes away the thrill and then gives it to you. At least, you are not in that situation, you can always come back and re-unite. So, cheer up!

    Destination Infinity

    • Yes, I know what you mean. But sometimes I feel completely drained when something like this happens. Its a very helpless situation. 😦

  28. But Amit atleast by getting maried to each other group is intact. And you were away anyway, did you really expect things to remain same.

    Enjoy your stay at Manchester, who knows phoren-mannered desi like you is destined for angrezi mem πŸ˜› TYou are there for a purpose. πŸ˜‰

    • Yes, that is one thing which makes me immensely happy! πŸ™‚ It was a distant dream but it happened!
      Oye! I am not phoren mannered. I am very desi at heart. Aur yaha ki meme to hamari taraf dekhti bhi nahi hain. πŸ˜›

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