Randomizer Revolutions

Smita and Vishesh awarded me the Butterfly award and the Cup. Thank you so much guys!!! I really have to make a new page for my awards section before my sidebar exceeds the distance between the Earth and the moon. I am supposed to pass this award to  bloggers I like. So, I would like this opportunity to pass this award to Nita, Liju Philip, Amreekan Desi, Pr3rna and Trailblazer. 

I am officially closing the Salsa Diaries Category. I have attended the first few classes with enthusiasm but then this new work came along and I got really busy. We are creating a new website for our client which is supposed to go live in January, so loads of work and no time for Salsa. I was really doing great. 😦

 

I was also busy with photo shoot and release of my new album. I had such a great time recording it and it was really sweet of Paris to come and release it in front of the press. Also I would like to thank Madonna for being a part of the video shoot and for singing a song with me. The female models were great during the promotional photo shoots but I am a little unhappy about my pictures in the exhibition. I didn’t like the red ones. Here is a sneak peek.  

 Here is Paris unfolding my new album in front of the media

Madonna grooving to my new song – “You gave me wings at the wrong place”

A model at the promotional photo shoot for the new album. The designers of the dress had such a harrowing time as it kept on unhooking. It was quite fragile.

The promotional Exhibition in New York

I always knew that our directors copy Hollywood movies and our Music directors copy Korean songs blatantly but can we at least make original movie posters? 

At least they could have changed the positions of the males and females OR AM I ASKING FOR TOO MUCH? Never mind! 😐

So, Congress won again in Delhi!!! Well, I think the simple logic is that if the people have to choose between a government “who is incapable of fighting terrorism and is elemental in the development of the area” AND the one “who is incapable of fighting terrorism”, then they would definitely choose the former. Its another story that the “development” is happening because of the Commonwealth Games and both the parties are equally bad at handling terrorism. 

I am having this feeling that I am turning into a major success as an Agony Uncle. Many of my friends turn to me whenever they have problems in their love life. I sit and listen to them very very patiently and give some sound advise, which thankfully has not backfired till date. One of my friend even took my advice about whether he should go ahead and have sex with this girl he met a few months back. Ok, that’s not the full story. The girl was about to get married to someone else and just wanted to “have” my friend once before she got married to the other guy. I don’t remember the last time I moved my head from right to left to right so vigorously. My friend who was ready to take the plunge under the stress of testosterone was somehow rescued by Yours truly. And………………………………………….I just now realised that he reads my blog. 

I am completely in love…….with this song. There is something very suave and romantic about it. (the video is not that great and it would be good if you don’t see the message which comes at the end of the video. I have been laughing ever since I saw it)

 

Do you believe in signs? Sometimes such strange things happen which do not make sense at all. A few days back, mom was coming back from the market and she took a rickshaw. After she got down and paid the rickshaw puller, he returned back the balance. This is what he gave her – 

Now last I remember, the Britishers left in 1947 and my mom gave him 10 Rs while he returned back 85 Rs(=1 Pound). Does that make sense? Is this some sort of a sign for me? Am I going visit the Queen’s land?

With this incredibly positive thought, I will end this post.

A Capsule for Amnesia

“itni shiddat se maine tumhe paane ki koshish ki hai ki har zarre ne mujhe tumse milane ki saazish ki hai” (Its a poetic version of – When you really want something, the whole universe conspires to take you to your goal)

I know this dialogue has nothing to do with the “capsules for Amnesia”, but have you ever had this feeling? Ever since I came back home, I have been craving to cure the Amnesia-istic bend of my mom’s cerebral activities. I mean I really really want a solution from the bottom of my heart. 🙂 I have written a long post already about how she put things away and forgets, which incidentally, she read. Don’t ask me what happened afterwards. She counted all the lines on her hands as she recounted the incidences when I had put things away and forgotten. My toothbrush, my T-shirts, my books, my DVDs….you got the idea? I shrugged and told her that maybe it was genetic. 😉

I vouched to find a solution to the mini Amnesia Tsunami in my home and landed up in a Furniture shop to get the capsule. Well, now don’t stare at the post. Keep reading. I tried to search for the capsule, but could not find a satisfactory solution. I took my parents with me too, as they knew about more furniture shops, but Alas! the prized future possession was still ever elusive. I reached back home, dejected and pondered about the next step to achieve the capsule. I was desperate and wanted it with all my heart. I have dreamt of it ever since I remember and wanted the universe to conspire to get me to it.

With sadness, I opened my laptop and my eyes widened. The software to create the image of the capsule’s outer container was right there in front of me and I never noticed it!!! I clicked on the Google sketchup button and started drawing the structure of the capsule. I wanted to give it a very modernistic look but I was a little apprehensive that it might compromise its strength. When I was satisfied with the sketch, I took a printout and took it to the furniture shop for a price estimation. The guy sitting there had a look at the design and made a few changes in the capsule for better effects and strength. Initially the capsule looked somewhat like this.

What were you thinking? I was not talking about a “capsule” per se. Be a little more imaginative. 😛

After I finalised the price and gave the order, the capsule was delivered within 10 days at my home. It was an empty container and I was supposed to fill it with all the required colourful medicinal pellets. This is how the capsule container looked like when it arrived. Empty and waiting for the magic pellets.

I had an uphill task of filling the capsule container with these colourful pellets of medicine. There were too many of them. Colorful and beautiful. Aren’t they? I took a deep breath and started.

After two hours, the capsule was ready. Adorned with the pellets and ready to fulfill my most dearest wish. The cure was finally here!!! Eureka!!! I finally got what I had always dreamt of. I called mom and showed her the capsule. She smiled and a calm washed all over her and she was fully cured by just looking at the capsule. Now, she would never forget anything because the “Capsule for Amnesia” contains all the answers.

“Where are the books?” “In there”

“Where are the DVDs?” “In there there”

“Where are my other stuff?” “Oh! In there there there”

Peace finally!!!!! 😀

So, Ladies and Gentlemen, presenting, THE CAPSULE.

The Know-your-house Tag

Reema tagged me for this very interesting meme. The moment I saw that I was tagged, I ended up in a cold sweat, simply because I could for-see the physical oscillations, jumping around and digging which I had to undergo to complete the tag. Mom has a very fascinating habit of putting away things and forgetting. But, more about it later. First I should give the description of what goes into the tag.

For this Tag, I was supposed to fish out an old photo, preferably a decade old and taken when I was completely unaware. I started working on this tag by asking mom if she remembers where all the “old” photos were. Thankfully I was able to locate them within five minutes of the excursion but sadly there was no “caught unaware” photo available in them. I now had to move much more backward in time and that is when the problem started. I again asked mom if she remember where the errrr “very old” photos were? She stared blankly at the wall for a few seconds and moved her head in a negative. Very original Mom!!! 

It took me almost 4 hours to turn the whole house upside down to dig out those pics. I found them in the most unexpected of places where no one would have imagined their presence. Hmpfff!!! Typical!!! On an optimistic note, now atleast I know the map of the insides of my house. I had a clear feeling of Deja Vu, because a similar incidence happened when I moved here from Chennai some months back. I was surprised to see that many of my novels were missing. When I asked mom, she replied – “All your novels are on the shelf. There are no more.”

Unconvinced, because “Lolita” and “Lord of the flies” were definitely not sitting on the shelf, I turned the whole house upside down before I spotted two huge bags full of my novels tucked away inside a diwan by my mom and comfortably erased from her memory. Even after I stood in front of her with the two bags oscillating in my hands, she could not remember a thing!!! 😐

Ok. Enough of disparaging mommy dearest. The first photo I picked up was taken when I was freshly born. I was completely unaware because I was wondering where the hell I was and who were those strange people around me who were always smiling and throwing me up and down and making all those weird sounds while they ran their fingers on my stomach and embarrass me. So here is Amit with his Mom and Dad. 🙂

Another pic which I found, was taken when I was a little grown up and was dancing in a marriage. No one remember whose marriage it was but I like this photo because I look like a budding child artist who is waiting for the right kind of a break. Here it is.

And Oh yes!!! While looking at all the old photos, I came across a very old pic of my Grandparents. It was taken when they were just married. Since I have already told all of you about my Grandparent’s love story in A Bygone Life, I thought it would be great if I could post their pic too. Here it is. 

So. thats all for this tag. Hope you all liked the pics. And I would like to tag Ish, Lallopallo, Nikhil, Sulz and Xylene.

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NCR – Nightmare Capital Region

Do you believe that Mumbai is the worst city as far as traffic jams, water logging and crime is concerned?

Do you think Bangalore is very chaotic in the peak hours of traffic?

Then think again because NCR (The Delhi, Noida, Gurgaon belt) is here to beat both the cities. Gurgaon and Noida were slated to be the upcoming satellite towns which were supposed to elevated the National Capital region to another era of development. A few years down the line and you can hear horrifying stories of people stuck in endless traffic jams, power cuts, muddy water supplies and people frequently robbed off their belongings using brand new methods.

My Own Sob Story

Ever since I have shifted to Delhi from Chennai, my nightmare never seems to end. Chennai was paradise in comparison and I can’t stop being nostalgic. Anyways, on 14 August there was an announcement in my office that the buses would leave at 5 pm instead of their regular 6 pm timings because it was our Independence Day on the next day. I was hopeful that I might reach home on time. Around 4 pm it started raining cats and dogs. It was such a heavy downpour that I was quite sure of the impending doom.

That day I reached home at 12 am.

Yes, you read it right. It took me 7 hours to reach home. In fact for the first 2 hours the bus was not able to move even an inch because of the jam and it took the bus 5 hours to reach the Gurgaon Toll which is a 2 minute drive from my office during happy days. The streets were water clogged and there were vehicles parked in all the wrong places on the narrow roads. Result – Utter chaos.

The Mouse Trap called Udyog Vihar

Udyog Vihar is a huge area in Gurgaon where many Office complexes are situated including mine. Its just on your left as soon as you cross the Toll if you are coming from Dhaula Kuan. The whole area is a trap specially when its raining or during the peak office hours.

I would really like to meet the planner of Udyog Vihar and kick his sorry ass with so much might that his next seven generations are going to reel in pain. The foolish guy designed the whole office complex as if he was designing a residential colony. Narrow lanes and huge offices. Its something like this –

So you can very well imagine what would happen when it rains very heavily and all the narrow roads are water clogged and more than 50 office buses and hundreds of cars wrestle for space to reach the main highway. I could never understand why it was planned like this. Leaving aside people who stay at far away places, if you are living in Gurgaon, it might take you anything between 1-3 hours to reach home in peak time. And all this is happening when Gurgaon is occupied only upto 40% of its capacity. Imagine the plight when it would be 90% occupied!!

The toll is another sob story. If you are fortunate enough to get away from the narrow roads, you can easily waste 15-30 minutes at the toll if you don’t have a tag. Huge snaking rows of vehicles can be seen there even at midnight.

Waterlogging and Delhi

MCD is one department which I fail to understand. Water logging is nothing new in Delhi but this is one department which have been very consistently successful in not providing a solution. Delhites have one

option now – Pray to god that he stops sending rains towards the city. We don’t want them anymore. Let us live in peace.

According to this report, even the water logging near the Prime Minister’s house a day before the Independence Day celebrations could not move MCD in action. They blamed it on Gods and told that its not their fault that there was too much rain in such a small span of time.

The Growth and its disadvantages

India has been developing at a phenomenal rate and the number of people who have the money to buy a car have increased many-fold. Result – According to this report, Delhi already has 51 lakh vehicles on road with 950 vehicles being added daily. I won’t be surprised if one day we won’t have space to walk. What is now required is a robust public transportation system so that people don’t find the need to take out their cars. Its a distant dream but lets not give up hopes.

Water Water everywhere, not a drop to drink

Whenever I ask someone about the problems about living in Noida, the first concern which is raised is – Water availability. I was shocked to see yellow coloured water in one of my friend’s house. People have to store water in their houses because there is no definite water supply available and the water is generally muddy and inadequate by all standards.

Another problem is public transportation. If you are staying in Noida or Gurgaon and you don’t have a car, then you are doomed. There are no public buses or autorikshaws(in Gurgaon) available and all you can depend upon is your local rikshaw wala. The situation is severe specially in Gurgaon.

Solutions anyone?

Electricity and water are two very basic necessities which are the responsibility of the Government authorities but we have to make sure that we are not misusing them. We all know this but sadly, knowing something and implementing something are two different things. Pool vehicles whenever possible and save resources whenever possible.

Three things to be realized –

• As Spiderman’s uncle said – With great power come great responsibility. The government needs to understand that.
• The past always has a tricky way of coming back and biting you on the ankle – Zadie Smith.
• We need to stop multiplying like cockroaches, otherwise there is really no solution which could help us.

And, oh, before I forget in all my frustration. HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY!!!! 😀

[All the photos are taken by me while I twirled my fingers stuck in the jam. The diagram is created by me]

Randomizer Reloaded

• Reema bestowed me with the Mr. Best Blogger Award this month. Yey!!!! I am on cloud number 9 for sure. Such a nice gift on Friendship Day. 😀 Congrats to all the other winners too. Well, we should award Reema too. So what should be her title? How is – Ms. Most Vivacious Blogger?
• The trailer of Harry Potter and the half blood Prince hit the Internet last week and made some sort of a record. I am really looking forward to watch the movie which releases on December this year. And, yes, before you ask I haven’t read the books. So, I don’t know what is going to happen and so I am doubly excited. 😀 Here is the trailer –

• Delhi was the hub of the Kanwariya menace a few days back. Loads of Orange colored men flocked the streets like a virus and disrupted the traffic. Trucks full of dancing people held traffic for hours and yours truly was a victim. The day it all ended, I was quite happy that I could at least reach office at time. The next day I was greeted by this sight. Sigh!!! This was due to some strike by the truck drivers. The blocked all the roads and left a little bit of area in between as an act of kindness to that the vehicles may pass and the chaos may increase some more. There is always a way to make someones life hell!!!

• While I was reading the review of “Ugly aur Pagli” in Times of India a few days back, I realised that the movie is a copy of the famous Korean romantic comedy movie, My Sassy Girl, which came in 2001. I should have guessed by the way Mallika was slapping Ranvir. Why can’t we come up with something original? Aamir was one great attempt but we need more such movies. And while I am on it, do watch the Korean Movie if you can get hold of it. It was the biggest blockbuster of all times in Eastern Asia and I really loved the ending.

• We had a 1970s Bollywood theme party last Wednesday at 32nd Milestone in Gurgaon which was sponsored by our client. I was not able to get hold of what I was exactly looking for but finally I did managed to look like a movie star. 😉 We danced, got drunk, ate a fabulous dinner and did some bowling at the end. The best part was that I later came to know that the bus which left the office that evening at 6 pm reached my home at 11.30 pm because of the ultra heavy rains that day. Thank God, I was not in that bus or I would have hanged myself from the curtains in the bus.
  

• After belittling all the reality shows in the Ramdomizer, this might come as a real shocker to you that I am writing something good about a reality show. I have been seeing Comedy Circus ever since I shifted to Delhi as my family is a great fan of the show. And I am hooked. Everyone in the show is exceptional, may it be Krishna, Sudesh Lahiri, Shailesh or the mega hilarious Shaane Shakeel. The judges compliment the participants and Archana’s laughter is the highlight of the show. A must watch. Here are a few acts from the show. To watch more, try searching for Comedy Circus on Youtube.

• India got its first individual Gold Medal in the Olympics. When I got the news I thought my friend was joking. But its true!!!! And its great!!!! Congratulations to Abhinav Bindra. Its not a small achievement. The Indian News channels must be really happy. They now have the fodder for next 4 days. They are going to tear apart the whole family tree of Abhinav to find out the answer to one question – How the hell???
• The last 7 days was the longest I have stayed away from blogging, all thanks to my MTNL Broadband connection. We all have experience of a certain category of friends who stay with us when things are hunky dory but abandon the ship as soon as something goes wrong. MTNL will remind you of such friends. It took the customer care 6 days to figure out the problem. 6 DAYS!!!!! Airtel has an SLA(Service Level Agreement) of 1 day which means that they have to fix the problem in 1 day. The MTNL staff is purely lethargic and incapable of any action till you reach them through the proper channel. Yes!!!! We had to ask a high officer to intervene. I HATE MTNL. 👿

Randomizer

• A few days back, I saw a movie called Sophie’s Choice. Its a story about a Polish woman who is asked to make a decision. When she reaches the German concentration camp with her two children, she is asked by an officer to choose one of her child who would be exterminated. She pleads and begs that no mother can make such a choice but the officer warns her that if she is unable to make the decision, then both of her children would be exterminated. In the fear of loosing both her children who are being snatched out of her arms by the officer, she blurts out – “Take my little girl.”

• Being at home has its own advantages and disadvantages. You are answerable all the time. Its not that its bad but it gets on your nerves at times specially when you are used to live on your own from such a long time. And yes, you are subjected to all the Balaji soaps and the lame Hindi News channels. I was forced to watch “Kyunki Saas bhi kabhi bahu thi” last week because usually that was the time I entered home from work. I don’t have words to describe how I felt. Maybe this image would help.

• While I am on Balaji, I saw the promos of Ekta’s take on the Sacred Indian Epic of Mahabharat titled – Kkkkahaney hamarey Mahabhaaaaaaarat kaaayeeee (Please correct me if the spellings are wrong. I think I got them correct with a lot of difficulty). I had huge hopes from the serial as I liked the promos and was almost sure that Ekta had done something sensible for the first time in her entire pain-in-the-ass-and-brain career. I saw 4 episodes and again I have no words. The same irritating background score and the same 10,000-shots-from-different-angles-in-different-colours. Believe me, it was BLASPHEMOUS.

• I called up Vodafone customer care today to activate my password for online payment of my mobile bill. The first thing which I found really odd was that the Customer care representative was talking in Hindi. Well, what if I don’t know Hindi? What if I am from Tamil Nadu? I faced a similar problem when I was in Chennai. The representatives started the call in Tamil and then I had to ask them to shut up and speak in English. Is it not common sense? Or am I missing something? And, boy, the number of times the representative said – “Mujhe aapki sahayta karne main khushi hogi(I would be happy to help you)”, was amazing. In a 3 minute call, he said that atleast 8 times!!!
• According to a News channel, CBI has hit a dead end in Aarushi’s Murder case. There is no evidence left which pretty much means that the criminals might never be caught. What a shame!!! And the way the channel was presenting the story was even more pathetic. The way the readers/commentators stress each and every word, I won’t be surprised if someday one of them will end up with a ruptured blood vessel. And we have better one liners in our C grade Hindi movies.

• The reality shows are another holy pain in my ass. I have lost count of the number of such shows I have been subjected to these days. Junoon, Sa Re Ga Ma Pa, Star Voice of India, The great Indian Laughter Challenge, Ek se Bhadkar Ek, Kaun Banega Superstar(which thankfully ended last week), Dus Ka dum, Kya aap panchwi…whatever etc etc etc. With an exception of Junoon which is giving a chance to our folk singers to come ahead and where you can listen to songs filled with Ragas, I loathe all of them. And do watch Sa Re Ga Ma Pa, just to experience the sheer torture of watching Himesh. The way that guy keeps on blabbering, I am seriously thinking of going in the show and pouring fevicol in his mouth as an act of kindness towards mankind.
• Its horrifying the way the population of Delhi drive. There is so much honking and abusive language that I was shocked. Since I am coming late now a days, so I generally come home by the office cab and the blaring horns just make me wish that I was deaf. People play with car horn as a newborn would play with his father’s laptop after being told not to do so. And why is everyone so angry and ready to fight? Why are we so afraid of each other? Why can’t we smile?
  

• I have started wondering if people get married because they want to get married or because family/friends want them to get married? I think there is a huge difference between the two. Most of the people just bend under the sheer pressure even when they are not ready. Getting married just to please your family and your friends who keep on asking the same question every time is not the right reason. I am going through this and the pressure is getting on my nerves. I know that this is not the right time for me, but the questions have started to bug me. I am afraid that I will snap one day and end up giving someone a royal chunk of my mind. CAN I LEAD MY GODDAMN LIFE MY OWN GODDAMN WAY??

• Is it not ironical that all this is happening on a planet which we can’t point out in the last picture pasted above? Earthlings(including me) are so much in awe of themselves, I must say!!! 😀 And I think the Geek Wrestler should surely give up his idea of ruling the tiny winy planet and think of something big. 😛 Oh, by the way, I stole the idea of this post from his blog. 😛
  
• I wonder if the German officer would still have asked Sophie to make the choice if he would have seen the five pictures above. I wonder if he would have asked himself – What the hell am I doing?