Barista Banter – Ram and Yudhishthir

Read part one of the series here – Costa Chatter – Sita and Draupadi

As Draupadi and Sita chatted in Costa sipping hot Cappuccinos, Yudhishthir finally reached heaven after scaling the mighty Himalayas. He was aghast to see Duryodhan in heaven and fought with Indra over the decision. Indra pacified him stating that Duryodhan had spent a designated time in hell but he was too great a scholar and a king to be kept there forever.

A sulking Yudhishthir ambled into Barista and stood transfixed as he came face to face with Lord Ram. His initial shock gave way to immense joy as he touched Ram’s feet who was completely immersed in ‘The Times of Heaven’ with a hot chocolate drink in his hand and a spinach and corn sandwich in his mouth.

‘Webbcobe Yubhibhtbir. I bbas bxpecbing yo,’ Lord Ram said chewing his sandwich.

‘It is an honor my lord to finally meet you.’

‘The pleasure is mine. Come sit. Where are the rest of your brothers and Draupadi?’ Lord Ram asked after gulping some hot chocolate.

‘I am not sure about Draupadi. She must be nearby. My brothers are at the Walmart store. It is almost as big as our palace on Earth. When will I have the honor to meet Sita ji?’ Yudhishthir asked as he sat next to Lord Ram.

A pained look passed over Ram’s face.

‘I don’t know where she is. She is in one of her depressing moods today. Not a single day passes when I am not reminded…’

‘Oye Ram! Here you are! I have broken my feet searching for you. This market is by God too much for my poor feet,’ Surupnakha said as she entered Barista.

Yudhishthir was flabbergasted. This demon sister of Ravan was supposed to be in hell. Why were Rakshas allowed to roam in heaven? Surupnakha glanced at Yudhishthir and her eyes went wild.

‘Oye you too are here? When did you come? Hello ji, myself Dolly,’ Surupnakha said extending her nails towards Yudhishthir’s eyes.

‘You are not Dolly, Surupnakha,’ Ram said, sighing loudly and rubbing his forehead.

‘Dolly?’ Yudhishthir’s head was spinning.

‘Aho! Dolly!’ Surupnakha said smiling and showed her long teeth.

‘I have requested Brahma numerous times not to go into the future but he doesn’t listen and creates a new wave of craziness in heaven every time he returns. Surupnakha, apparently, will be reborn as Dolly Bindra* in the future. Brahma went bonkers evading her for months as she pestered him to show Big Boss 4 on the giant screen here on which we saw Mahabharata. Ever since Big Boss was telecasted, she has changed her name to Dolly,’ Ram told Yudhishthir moving his head in exasperation. Dolly beamed. Yudhishthir could not make head or tail out of what the Lord said.

‘Why were you searching for me?’ Lord Ram asked Surupnakha.

‘Ravan asked me to give this Yo-China menu pamphlet to you. He says you should try the Chowmein. It is aphrodisiacal.’

‘Go away Surupnakha before I get angry. I have had enough of your brothers and you on Earth. I will not take this mockery anymore. Why am I even asked to share heaven with demons like you?’ Lord Ram said as his face turned red with anger.

‘Wah Wah Ram ji! You are fine sitting with this Yudhishthir? Hain ji? This guy sat like a newly wed bride waiting for her husband when Dushasan was pulling the sari off his wife making her go round and round like a spinning wheel. And you, what did you do yourself? Made your wife walk on fire! Abandoned your pregnant wife in the jungle! Hain ji? And hesitated to take her back when you met her years later when you sons had grown up? Hesitated! Hain ji? Baat karte hain!’ Surupnakha said as she banged the Yo-China menu on the table.

‘Dolly ji,’ Yudhishthir tried to intervene.

‘Oye quiet! All of us have demons inside us Ram. Demons of anger and insults, demons of guilt, demons of irresponsibility and demons of shame. I can change my appearance and look beautiful but that will not change my heart and my actions,’ Surupnakha said looking at both the men.

She then walked towards the door. Yudhishthir though he was going to faint. He gasped when Dolly suddenly turned around at the door.

‘And one more thing. Sita is sitting with Draupadi in Costa. Wait and watch. Both of you are going to get it. {Snapping fingers} Tote Ud jaenge (Your parrots will fly),’ Dolly said as she banged the door.

Ram and Yudhishthir sat dumbfound for a while. Then they gave each other an amusing smile.

‘I hope the humans turn out as intelligent as Surupnakha,’ Lord Ram said.

‘Yes, that was the whole idea. But will they be able to extract the right morals from our stories? You have seen the future. Did they learn anything from our mistakes?’ Yudhishthir asked. Ram gave him a sad look.

‘Extracting and implementing right morals are two ends of a river. You have to make a bridge across it. Unfortunately, humans are only imperfectly capable of it. The bridge keeps falling. So no, it didn’t work. But let me buy you a Latte. That always works,’ Ram said as he ordered a Latte for Yudhishthir.

As Yudhishthir sipped his Latte with relish, he saw Sita and Draupadi pass Barista, chatting like long lost sisters. He wanted Draupadi to come and meet Lord Ram but then he let go of the idea for the time being. He did not want his Latte to turn bitterer than it already was.

‘Did she win Big Boss 4?’ Yudhishthir thoughtfully asked Lord Ram.

‘God No! For all the melodrama she created to screen the programme in heaven, Brahma made sure that she didn’t.’

*Dolly Bindra is an actress who has done numerous supporting roles in Bollywood movies and television soaps. Her shot to fame was when she appeared as a wild card entry in Big Boss 4. The TRP shot through the roof after her entry as it was marked with shouting and fighting in the house on a gigantic proportion. See samples here and here.

Last part of the series  – Starbucks Snivel – Ravan and Duryodhan

[images from 1,2,3,4]

90 comments on “Barista Banter – Ram and Yudhishthir

  1. Am loving this mytho-mocha series and trust me in no time your e-mail will overflow with sponsorship offers for your third part 😉
    Superb casting of Shurpnakha as Dolly Bindra. Though I feel it was very wrong of Laxman to have attacked her (Shurpnakha) with a sword just for the crime of making a passe.

  2. hahaha….ROFL…..Amit when is your book going to get published? Trust me, I will be the first one to order. You have an amazing ability to club humor with fiction (read:mythology) while sticking to the ground realities. Keep up the good writing 🙂 🙂

    • Thanks dauntlessdaisy. 🙂
      My book is ready. I am writing a detailed synopsis to submit to the publishers. And I am trying to sort out a few thngs in my life before I can jump into it full-fledgedly. As usual, at this important juncture God is giving me choices to confuse me. 🙂
      My book has very less humour in it. But thanks for the support. I will at least sell one copy. 😀

  3. As hilarious as it is, it gives so much food for thought.
    “All of us have demons inside us Ram. Demons of anger and insults, demons of guilt, demons of irresponsibility and demons of shame. I can change my appearance and look beautiful but that will not change my heart and my actions”- loved that line.

  4. That pic of that lady is perfect for Surpanaka. 😛 I am seeing her for the first time, now, don’t ask me, latha, which world are you living in? I don’t watch TV and never watched Big Boss, even a single episode 🙂 But heard about it. Oyee.. btw, people made my name Latte 😦

      • Oh god. No way Amit. I have seen 2 mins and it drove me insane. Those reality shows are disgusting. Everyone’s face looks as if their only purpose is to humiliate the others..let me be like this..ignorance is bliss 🙂

        • Believe me, if I give someone 1 crore to humiliate others and project himself as the best person on Earth, almost everyone will jump at the job. 🙂
          It’s Ok. Even I am not a Big Boss fan. I watch it on and off. 🙂

  5. You know, I was only vaguely familiar with the name of Dolly Bindra and wasn’t sure about her claim to fame. I actually hardly ever watch TV. Your links at the end of the post were…well, quite enlightening! Shoorpanakha might be turning in her grave at being likened to Dolly Bindra 😉

    • They are enlightening, aren’t they? They leave you in a state of shock. Geet and I saw the whole season over a cup of tea and a box of Pringles in the evening. We were in Manchester back then and used to watch the previous day’s episode on Youtube in the evening after I came back from the office. We were scandalized.

  6. “‘Oye quiet! All of us have demons inside us Ram. Demons of anger and insults, demons of guilt, demons of irresponsibility and demons of shame. I can change my appearance and look beautiful but that will not change my heart and my actions,” loved this sentance yes this is something which i also didnt learn until i read here in this post..
    nice meaning derived..

  7. ‘Times of Heaven’!!! 😆 Hahahah… I love the minute details you get into. Spinach and corn sandwich eh?? Thank goodness it was a vegetarian choice! 🙄 😛

    OMG!!! Dolly Bindra and Surpanakha!! What a twist sirjee!! And that too you got a Yo China placement with chowmein right in the middle!

    “Tote udd jayenge”!!! I actually imagined her saying that.. oh my stars….hahaha…where is the damn yahoo rolling-on-floor-laughing emoticon when you need it!!! :mrgreen:

    He did not want his Latte to turn bitterer than it already was.
    Subtle yet profound.

    Please take a bow! 🙂 *applause*

    • I was very careful not to put a chicken sandwich in-between. That would have been blasphemy. 😉
      I imagined the whole sequence with Dolly saying all the dialogues in Hindi and then translated it. That was great fun. 🙂
      Thank you! Thank you for the applause. 🙂

    • Oh, they fight every season but that season was the mother of all. Making her the voice of reason was a deliberate twist. I actually wanted a demon to be the voice of reason.

  8. Your Coffee chats rock !!! And hats off to the gyaan by Shri Shri Amit.
    I never watched Big Boss, but once on channel surfing, I had to stop at Colours to answer a call. The episode of Dolly Bindra fight was running and my mother who watched it for 5 mins said ” Oh why is that lady behaving like Thadaka ” And now you call her Surpanakha 🙂

  9. Times of Heaven, Dolly Bindra as Surpanaka?? Wow that was yet again a masterpiece. Surpanaka definitely talks sense!

    Amit take a bow. Looking forward to your book. You do remember the promise of an autographed copy right?

  10. Dolly Bindra – no clue..but her face looks very familiar..
    I’m not a big fan of TV and I have not even an episode of big boss,so no clue.But let’s forget about it and discuss about your post.
    One awesome piece..Phew!! How did you even imagine Sita and Draupadi drinking Cappuccinos? 😀 😀 😀

    • Bhavia, please please watch the links I have given in the end. You will have the time of your life. 😀
      I imagined a lot of things while writing this which I cannot write there. 😉 There is a censor board sitting in my head. 🙂

  11. I am pointing all those serious researchers around me who are giving me dirty looks for laughing out non-stop in lab to YOU! Not my mistake ji! 😀
    But where is gadhaadhaari Bheem?? 😦 I can’t imagine Yudishtra not asking him to stay Shaanth.

    • Stop laughing before I get kidnapped by scientists for interfering in their research. 🙂
      Bheem is in Walmart. He is busy drooling over the latest home gym.

  12. Loved the dig at Chowmein and the deeper messages about inner goodness and actions speaking louder than everything else. A small typo meet instead of met — When will I have the honor to met Sita ji? A nice post with a great balance of humor and satire. On another note, Dolly Bindra was obnoxious. I stopped watching Bigg Boss altogether after that dirt they showed.

  13. This is my first read at this series—super humor.I need to read ALL your posts.
    First Laxman did injustice to Surupnakha & now this comparison with Dolly has done the rest hain jee?I think she was a liberated woman–sorry demon–though misguided.

    • Thanks inducares. 🙂
      I think Surupnakha might not be happy with me. But I think she was a very brave woman of India to evetease Laxman like this. 🙂

  14. Oh awesome! Can I laugh louder? I loved the lines of Surparankha aka Dolly! So true & hard hitting. Even the epitome of moralities were dumbfounded. When will we see the next part? Can’t wait!

  15. Hahah.. the series is too awesome 🙂 May be you can release a series on this.. too much funny to imagine Ram, Duriyodhana, yudhishtra, sita and draupathi in walmart, coffee shops 😀 Superb…

  16. Beware Amit…Surupankha might file a defamation suit on you from heaven for having drawn similarities between Dolly Bindra and herself. S was good enough to have earned a place in mythology! 🙂

  17. ROFL!! Gosh, Amit..Surpanakha’s re-incarnation in Dolly Bindra was an absolutely masterstroke! You deserve a standing ovation for it 😀

    Brilliant post! Cant wait for the next part!

  18. Pingback: Starbucks Snivel – Ravan and Duryodhan | Mashed Musings

  19. “All of us have demons inside us Ram. Demons of anger and insults, demons of guilt, demons of irresponsibility and demons of shame. I can change my appearance and look beautiful but that will not change my heart and my actions”

    Very true statement. And no one can say it better than Dolly aka surpanakha

  20. Pingback: Costa Chatter – Sita and Draupadi | Mashed Musings

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