A Capsule for Amnesia

“itni shiddat se maine tumhe paane ki koshish ki hai ki har zarre ne mujhe tumse milane ki saazish ki hai” (Its a poetic version of – When you really want something, the whole universe conspires to take you to your goal)

I know this dialogue has nothing to do with the “capsules for Amnesia”, but have you ever had this feeling? Ever since I came back home, I have been craving to cure the Amnesia-istic bend of my mom’s cerebral activities. I mean I really really want a solution from the bottom of my heart. 🙂 I have written a long post already about how she put things away and forgets, which incidentally, she read. Don’t ask me what happened afterwards. She counted all the lines on her hands as she recounted the incidences when I had put things away and forgotten. My toothbrush, my T-shirts, my books, my DVDs….you got the idea? I shrugged and told her that maybe it was genetic. 😉

I vouched to find a solution to the mini Amnesia Tsunami in my home and landed up in a Furniture shop to get the capsule. Well, now don’t stare at the post. Keep reading. I tried to search for the capsule, but could not find a satisfactory solution. I took my parents with me too, as they knew about more furniture shops, but Alas! the prized future possession was still ever elusive. I reached back home, dejected and pondered about the next step to achieve the capsule. I was desperate and wanted it with all my heart. I have dreamt of it ever since I remember and wanted the universe to conspire to get me to it.

With sadness, I opened my laptop and my eyes widened. The software to create the image of the capsule’s outer container was right there in front of me and I never noticed it!!! I clicked on the Google sketchup button and started drawing the structure of the capsule. I wanted to give it a very modernistic look but I was a little apprehensive that it might compromise its strength. When I was satisfied with the sketch, I took a printout and took it to the furniture shop for a price estimation. The guy sitting there had a look at the design and made a few changes in the capsule for better effects and strength. Initially the capsule looked somewhat like this.


What were you thinking? I was not talking about a “capsule” per se. Be a little more imaginative. 😛

After I finalised the price and gave the order, the capsule was delivered within 10 days at my home. It was an empty container and I was supposed to fill it with all the required colourful medicinal pellets. This is how the capsule container looked like when it arrived. Empty and waiting for the magic pellets.

I had an uphill task of filling the capsule container with these colourful pellets of medicine. There were too many of them. Colorful and beautiful. Aren’t they? I took a deep breath and started.

After two hours, the capsule was ready. Adorned with the pellets and ready to fulfill my most dearest wish. The cure was finally here!!! Eureka!!! I finally got what I had always dreamt of. I called mom and showed her the capsule. She smiled and a calm washed all over her and she was fully cured by just looking at the capsule. Now, she would never forget anything because the “Capsule for Amnesia” contains all the answers.

“Where are the books?” “In there”

“Where are the DVDs?” “In there there”

“Where are my other stuff?” “Oh! In there there there”

Peace finally!!!!! 😀

So, Ladies and Gentlemen, presenting, THE CAPSULE.

Salsa Diaries – I

Salsa classes started in my office yesterday. I was a bit skeptical in the beginning, thinking of skipping the class but 30 minutes into the class and I realised what a mistake that would have been. Where else can you find a chance of dancing with five different girls. 😉 More on it later. 

First a little bit about Salsa. 

Salsa refers to a fusion of informal dance styles having roots in the Caribbean (especially in Cuba and Puerto Rico), Latin and North America. The dance originated through the mixture of MamboDanzónGuaguancóCuban Son, and other typical Cuban dance forms. Salsa is danced to Salsa music. There is a strong African influence in the music as well as the dance.

Salsa is usually a partner dance, although there are recognized solo steps and some forms are danced in groups of couples, with frequent exchanges of partner (Rueda de Casino). Improvisation and social dancing are important elements of Salsa but it appears as a performance dance too.

(source – Wikipedia)

So there I was staring at the Thin, Sensuous, high heeled, Curly haired lady instructor(I’ll call her WOW) and her male apprentice(UNWOW) while they taught the first three basic steps of forward, side and rock to the 20 something boys and 25 something girls. WOW and UNWOW looked so elegant dancing together that a sigh got released from my mouth. How much I wanted WOW to dance with me. Anyways, since there were more girls, so they took turns to dance with the boys as we started dancing in couples.

The-pink-trampler

Pink-trampler was my first partner and is incidentally my project mate too. She was a little awkward in her movements and ended up landing on my feet quite a few times. WOW saw her trampling my feet and asked her to practice alone first before trying the steps with a partner and replaced her with the-Black-top.

The-Black-Top

I award her the perfect-partner-of-the-day. Her movements were rhythmic and not awkward at all. The moment I cupped her right hand in my left one as she placed her hand on my shoulder and I placed my right hand behind her back, we danced magically. We did not missed a single step and our foot movement never went awry, even when they increased the tempo of the song. It was lovely, dreamy and delightful.

The-Jaya(Bachchan not Lalita)

My next partner was so short that I felt like Amitabh Bachchan, although I am just 5’8″. Her head ended somewhere near my chest and I had to stoop down a little bit to place my hand behind her back. She was quite shy and was not looking at me at all. 😦 We did a few side hand movements in a closed loop position. It was a little tough to move your hand as well as feet in two different directions and co-ordinating with your partner as well. She was good and picked up quite quickly. 😉

The-Follow-me-will-you?

Although as the class started, it was explained , that in Salsa the guy leads the girl, but follow-me-will-you? somehow missed this piece of information. Now we had to move in an open loop position which meant that she could not place her left hand on my shoulder and my right hand was free too. We had to join the free hands and move them upwards while we moved our feet to the music. It had to be done very gently but the lady just forced her hand so much, that it looked as if she was scrubbing a wall in her home. So, instead of our hands going up in 90 degrees, went 30 degrees towards my right ear. I tried to explain it to her, but she was adamant on scrubbing the wall. Sigh!

The-Black-Top(again)

The moment partner change was announced, the black-top ran towards me. 🙂 Now we had to do the closed loop and open loop positions alternately while we moved our feet. It was tough and I heard a lot of OOOOOs and AAAAHHHs as it was just our first class. But, since the-black-top was with me, we mastered that in a few seconds. We laughed and smiled and clapped as we ended.

The-Jaya(Lalita not Bachchan)

My last partner was taller and wider than me. 😦 I looked like a small kid who was holding a teddy bear bigger than himself. We had to do the same steps again with faster music. The first question she asked me was – “Did you get the hang of it?” I was quite speechless.

“Are you crazy? Didn’t you saw the girls falling on top of each other to dance with me?”, I wanted to ask. (Ok. I admit that that was a bit of exaggeration, but then what the hell!)

“Yes. I guess.”, I mumbled and smiled. 

She too was a little awkward and clumsy and almost trampled my feet again. The ordeal was over in a few seconds as she picked up the steps somehow. She forgot to place her hand on my shoulder time and again as we went from the open loop to the closed loop position and I was reminding her again and again, looking like a sex-starved-maniac. 

So, this is how the first Salsa class went. It would have been a disaster if the-black-top and WOW would not have been there. Its been after such a long time that I am “learning” to dance. The last I remember, it was in school for my Bhangra group. Sigh! Good old days.

Anyways, will keep all of you posted with the spicy gossips from the forthcoming sessions. 

That’s all folks!

p.s. Now that I re-read the post, its more about girls rather than Salsa. No?

The Hitchhiker’s Guide to lose a guy

A friend of mine who is a dab hand at talking non stop about the evils of arranged marriages once asked me – “How will you know a girl in a ten minutes meeting? Look at me. If a guy comes to see me, will he ever come to know in those ten minutes that the pitch of my scream can put a professional soprano to shame?”

This left me in a state of (men)tation. How easy is it for the girls to lose a guy whom they don’t like at all OR whom they have overgrown. Its not hard really. Come to think of me, any girl can lose me in seconds. There are certain traits I completely abhor and you just have to provide my senses a tinge of them to make me lower your scores. So, to extend the olive branch of chivalry to all the damsels in distress who are dying to free themselves from the clutches of an unwanted relationship, I present the Hitchhiker’s Guide to lose a guy and in turn I would like the damsels to consider me as an option. (* Conditions apply)

Here is a list of certain “types” of girls which the guys(generally) can’t stand.

The Laughter Queen : Some girls are just too loud. Just crack a joke and their laughter will wake up the dead. Guys hate such girls. A girl’s laughter should be a sweet, syrupy, melodic vibrations of the vocal chords which should remind one of tinkling wind chimes. So just go HAHAHAHA in a quite place like a restaurant or a theatre and you won’t find the guy near you the next time.

The Emotive cow : Guys hate women who cry at the drop of hat. You just have to get extra emotional on spotting a poor puppy snooping around in a garbage dump or ask the guy to go out and get some extra tissues while you cry while watching an emotional movie while he never wanted to see in the first place. Also when he forgets to call you at 12 am to say “Good Night sweety pie” because there was a cricket match, just call him up the next morning and start crying and ask him at least ten times whether he loves you or not. That will do the trick.

The Disinclined irritant : Argue. Belittle. Hesitate. Fight. Just say no to everything he chooses. “How is this shirt?” “Gross!!!” “How do you like these earrings for yourself?” “Are you crazy!!(give him the are-you-crazy look)” “Chaat?” “Dimsums.” Guys don’t like it for too long when someone argues like this. I hate it too. 😀

The Too much Career oriented : Start giving the guy an impression that you can go to any extend to have a successful career. Even if it means going abroad, marrying late or higher studies. Very soon you will see the beads of panic on his head. Guys hate girls who are over ambitious and if he says that all the goals of a successful career can be achieved after marriage also, give him that are-you-crazy look again splashed with a spoonful of you-must-be-kidding look. 😉

The tee-hee-hee : This is a hard one to explain. Some girls are just too “girly”, if you can understand that. They would go “ouch” even if their finger brushes a wall, they would go “Wow” when all they have seen is a squirrel climbing a tree and they would go “Oh my God” when the car hits a tinywiny bump on the road which no one else would have noticed. Such girls consider themselves to be too sensitive to their surroundings and will always laugh with a hand on their lips which appears magically as soon as the lips are parted. This is one category which irritates me to no ends.

The Heroine : This category is very similar to the tee-hee-hees with a major difference. They are faking it. Tee-hee-hees are genuine tee-hee-hees. They can’t help it. But Heroines are fake tee-hee-hees. This is the hardest category to be and you have to be really good to get this one right. I have known one girl who was an expert in this and believe me you can’t do it better than her.

The Flirt : Who likes a girlfriend who flirts with other boys and compare you with them? But Beware!! Trying to achieve your goal by being a flirt may lead to confrontations. This is the easiest way performance-wise but things might get really murky later on. I would suggest that you start with the other categories and keep this as a last resort.

The Lady-In-Charge : Guys like it when a girl is submissive and let the guy take on all the worldly responsibilities like talking to the auto-driver, buying movie tickets, ordering the meals, paying the bills and asking for directions. So if you really want to piss off the guy, just don’t let him do all this. Take charge of the situation and make him stand in the background while you deal with the big bad world.

The Tulsi(Family worshipper) : Bore the guy with minute details about your family. From your sister’s toothache to your mom’s sudden change in her hair stylist to your brother’s weird choice of underwear colours, tell him everything. And, when he starts to tell you about his own family, just cut him off in-between and start blabbering about your family again. Believe me, he will hang himself in two days.

The lesbian : Of course, if you are in a real hurry and can’t breathe in the guy’s presence, go ahead and tell him that you are a Lesbian. Tell him that you fantasise Bipasha and had a steady girlfriend sometime back and you were just experimenting with the poor guy. Run away before he starts crying.

So, ladies, these are the sure shot techniques to get rid of undesirable men because eligible bachelors like me are fed up of their life which suck big time because of lack of a girlfriend. When you are free and in want of an exclusive boyfriend, you know where to mail to get the mobile number. 😉

* To get me as your boyfriend, you must not belong to any of the above mentioned categories. Thenks.

Venus and Mars

First thing first, I would like to thank Reema and Dinesh who gave me the Honest Blogger award last week. Thankyou so much guys!!! 😀 The way our mutual admiration society is growing, I have to create an awards page very soon. 🙂

I would like to pass this award to Ish, Ashish, Lallopallo, Sakhi and Sulz.

Now the post. Nothing much to write but I got these pictures in various mails and couldn’t stop myself from sharing them.

1. The First set of seven sketches depict a few *ahem* world known facts. Well, boys always have a planned approach towards everything. We are smart workers and make sure that we enzzzzzzzoy everything life has to offer. 😛

2. The next two are Unspoken communication between two girls and two boys. Here the girls are doing all the multitasking. But then they won’t be getting that extra hour of sleep doing this. They will just lose sleep. 😛

3. Saved the icing for the last. The sentence roughly translates to – You are not allowed to address the auto driver as brother if you are with your boyfriend. This guy seems to be royally pissed off!!! 😀

That’s all folks! Enzzzzzzzzoy the Sunday!

p.s. If any of the photos above are copyrighted, then please let me know. I will remove them.

NCR – Nightmare Capital Region

Do you believe that Mumbai is the worst city as far as traffic jams, water logging and crime is concerned?

Do you think Bangalore is very chaotic in the peak hours of traffic?

Then think again because NCR (The Delhi, Noida, Gurgaon belt) is here to beat both the cities. Gurgaon and Noida were slated to be the upcoming satellite towns which were supposed to elevated the National Capital region to another era of development. A few years down the line and you can hear horrifying stories of people stuck in endless traffic jams, power cuts, muddy water supplies and people frequently robbed off their belongings using brand new methods.

My Own Sob Story

Ever since I have shifted to Delhi from Chennai, my nightmare never seems to end. Chennai was paradise in comparison and I can’t stop being nostalgic. Anyways, on 14 August there was an announcement in my office that the buses would leave at 5 pm instead of their regular 6 pm timings because it was our Independence Day on the next day. I was hopeful that I might reach home on time. Around 4 pm it started raining cats and dogs. It was such a heavy downpour that I was quite sure of the impending doom.

That day I reached home at 12 am.

Yes, you read it right. It took me 7 hours to reach home. In fact for the first 2 hours the bus was not able to move even an inch because of the jam and it took the bus 5 hours to reach the Gurgaon Toll which is a 2 minute drive from my office during happy days. The streets were water clogged and there were vehicles parked in all the wrong places on the narrow roads. Result – Utter chaos.

The Mouse Trap called Udyog Vihar

Udyog Vihar is a huge area in Gurgaon where many Office complexes are situated including mine. Its just on your left as soon as you cross the Toll if you are coming from Dhaula Kuan. The whole area is a trap specially when its raining or during the peak office hours.

I would really like to meet the planner of Udyog Vihar and kick his sorry ass with so much might that his next seven generations are going to reel in pain. The foolish guy designed the whole office complex as if he was designing a residential colony. Narrow lanes and huge offices. Its something like this –

So you can very well imagine what would happen when it rains very heavily and all the narrow roads are water clogged and more than 50 office buses and hundreds of cars wrestle for space to reach the main highway. I could never understand why it was planned like this. Leaving aside people who stay at far away places, if you are living in Gurgaon, it might take you anything between 1-3 hours to reach home in peak time. And all this is happening when Gurgaon is occupied only upto 40% of its capacity. Imagine the plight when it would be 90% occupied!!

The toll is another sob story. If you are fortunate enough to get away from the narrow roads, you can easily waste 15-30 minutes at the toll if you don’t have a tag. Huge snaking rows of vehicles can be seen there even at midnight.

Waterlogging and Delhi

MCD is one department which I fail to understand. Water logging is nothing new in Delhi but this is one department which have been very consistently successful in not providing a solution. Delhites have one

option now – Pray to god that he stops sending rains towards the city. We don’t want them anymore. Let us live in peace.

According to this report, even the water logging near the Prime Minister’s house a day before the Independence Day celebrations could not move MCD in action. They blamed it on Gods and told that its not their fault that there was too much rain in such a small span of time.

The Growth and its disadvantages

India has been developing at a phenomenal rate and the number of people who have the money to buy a car have increased many-fold. Result – According to this report, Delhi already has 51 lakh vehicles on road with 950 vehicles being added daily. I won’t be surprised if one day we won’t have space to walk. What is now required is a robust public transportation system so that people don’t find the need to take out their cars. Its a distant dream but lets not give up hopes.

Water Water everywhere, not a drop to drink

Whenever I ask someone about the problems about living in Noida, the first concern which is raised is – Water availability. I was shocked to see yellow coloured water in one of my friend’s house. People have to store water in their houses because there is no definite water supply available and the water is generally muddy and inadequate by all standards.

Another problem is public transportation. If you are staying in Noida or Gurgaon and you don’t have a car, then you are doomed. There are no public buses or autorikshaws(in Gurgaon) available and all you can depend upon is your local rikshaw wala. The situation is severe specially in Gurgaon.

Solutions anyone?

Electricity and water are two very basic necessities which are the responsibility of the Government authorities but we have to make sure that we are not misusing them. We all know this but sadly, knowing something and implementing something are two different things. Pool vehicles whenever possible and save resources whenever possible.

Three things to be realized –

  • As Spiderman’s uncle said – With great power come great responsibility. The government needs to understand that.
  • The past always has a tricky way of coming back and biting you on the ankle – Zadie Smith.
  • We need to stop multiplying like cockroaches, otherwise there is really no solution which could help us.

And, oh, before I forget in all my frustration. HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY!!!! 😀

[All the photos are taken by me while I twirled my fingers stuck in the jam. The diagram is created by me]