Why aliens have not attacked us till now

I have figured it all out.

There have been numerous alien sightings all over the world. People have seen discs flying overhead, pilots have seen strange objects flying next to their planes. People diappear around the world and when they come back, they have no recollection of the missing days. It does not shock us anymore. Of course, Hollywood’s brainwashing antics have a role to play here which cannot be ignored. There isn’t a city in the world which has not been destroyed by the very human-like aliens who want our resources (as if we haven’t sucked the Earth dry already) or want us as slaves (as if we haven’t done that already to each other). Buildings topple, humans scream and then the countries unite (surprise! Surprise!) to defeat the villians before they can go back to bombing each other for oil.

Of course, no alien attack has happened in reality. They haven’t even made a friendly appearance (how snobbish of them!). But prey, why?

Here’s why.

They are keeping an eye on us. They are the guardians of the universe and they are holding the door so that we do not escape and unlease our destructive potential over the universe. Think of them as the item girl in Bollywood movies who keep the villians (us) engrossed in their pelvic thrusts so that the good heroes (kind aliens) keep the universe intact. Imagine the havoc the villians will create if the item girl is not there.

Let’s admit that we are a shitty race. Look at the turtles or the snails. Even the spiders. They live in perfect harmony with Earth.  But not us. There isn’t anything left on the Earth that we haven’t monetized for profits. We have raped her of her dignity and we will keep doing it till she dies. We are cutting the branch on which we are sitting but who cares till we are mid-air falling to our doom. We believe our religion will come to save us and a wad of notes will cushion our fall. Our children are not our priority and the aliens in their flying saucers know this. They know that if (heavens forbid) we become capable enough of flying outside the solar system to inhibit other planets (which is highly unlikely. We will probably have a World War 3 before that), we will end up repeating our Earthly mistakes on it, killing it in the same way.

As Agent Smith rightly said to Neo, we are the virus of this universe.

And the aliens are here to contain us. So, will they ever attack us, you may ask?

The answer is – Yes, they will.

If they ever get the slightest hint in the future that humans are capable of moving their house out of the Solar System, you will see a full Independence Dayish assault that day. They will spray their pest control laser beams on us and finish us long before we start the countdown of our Noah’s Ark into the space. Just like what you will do if you see an increase in the cockroach population in your house.

So, humans you have been warned. Please stay where you are. Send probes to Mars and Pluto. Gawk at the ice mountains on them. Be surprised at the Earth size storm on Jupiter. But, never ever dare to develop a technology that will let you find wormholes and travel to other galaxies. Because that will be the day when the alien mothership will direct a high precision laser beam at the Earth and break this begging-for-euthanasia planet into a million pieces.

The Cage

I was sitting on a mat spread lazily on the lush green grass surrounding India Gate when the cage appeared for the first time. It was a sunny winter afternoon and I was in a mood to sketch. My ten months old son was sleeping in a pram besides me while I had sent my husband to bring me an ice-cream. My husband laughed as he closed his laptop and got up because he too loved to eat ice-creams in winters, although they were hard to get. As I took out my drawing pad and pencils and looked at the majestic India Gate, I saw the cage appear in front of it, hanging in mid air.

It was white and big enough to accommodate at least five men. As people noticed it, then dropped whatever they were doing and started to walk towards it, as if in a trance. I too got up when my husband suddenly appeared and took my hand to stop me. I turned and saw two ice-creams in his hand. The traffic too stopped moving after a few seconds. While the murmurs were gaining momentum, the sky suddenly turned dark. It remained pitch black for a few seconds and then all the colours of a rainbow were splashed all over it, moving like molted lava. Something very similar to the play of colors we see when we pour oil over water. And then that thunderous voice which appeared to be coming from everywhere and nowhere.

I have placed 100 similar cages all over the world. These cages will be utilized to cleanse the Earth. I have given all of you enough chances but a few more years and I can kiss goodbye to any hopes of a better Earth. Over the next few months, the world will be in a huge turmoil but I am sure that those who will be left behind will be wise enough to find a path amongst the self inflicted human complexities. The ones, of whom the Earth would be cleansed are those who are devoid of even an iota of love and respect for the fellow Earthlings. Terrorists, rapists, molesters, poachers, murderers, drug dealers, corrupt leaders and corrupt Businessmen are the ones who would enter the cages first. All those who have even a small fraction of purity left in them and whom I consider worthy of creating a better future, will stay. All the cages will always remain on the Earth reminding you of what you all have become! As a parting shot, let me also inform you that I am removing all the weapons from the world. Goodbye.

The skies cleared and for a second it seemed as if it was a bad dream but the cage was still there, hanging in mid air and emphasising the reality. There was such an eerie silence that it seemed as if the Earth had stopped rotating. They say that everyone on Earth heard that voice in the language they understood. I heard it in Hindi while the British tourist standing next to me heard it in English. That was the day when the world stopped and screamed afterwards.

Suddenly a man appeared from thin air inside the cage. He started screaming the moment he realised where he was. He was pleading and asking for help from the bewildered crowd staring at him. The cage started changing colours and turned to orange. Amidst shock and terror, we all realised what was happening. The cage was heating up. The man started jumping up and down to find a cool spot to stand but soon his skin started to stick to the hot base. He grabbed the bars to pull up his legs but his hands got glued to the hot bars. The cage was turning red and the man was melting sending an overpowering stench of burned flesh amidst painful screams for help. My son was wide awake by now and started crying. My husband took my hand and we moved towards our car to get out of there. We sat in the car for five hours before the traffic finally started moving. By that time, the cage at India Gate had taken 300 lives and the screams were ringing in my ears. 30000 people had vanished from the face of the Earth in those five hours. The cage was killing one person every minute. 

*  *  *  *

On the third day from the beginning of the killings, my husband confided in me. He told me that as an eminent businessman of the city, he has given and accepted bribes numerous times. I sat there and listened to what he had to say. I knew all this already but I had accepted him the way he was because I knew that he was beyond repair. 

“I am transferring everything to your name. I might be gone any second. Please bring up my son to be a good man. Not someone like me. I am sorry, sorry for everything.”, he said as tears welled up in his eyes. He cried bitterly that night. For the first time, I felt sorry for him and cried with him. All the property was transferred to my name within the next 15 days. Although I wondered about the worth of all that within a year. 

*  *  *  *

By the end of a year 52,560,000 people were dead. Many of them were notorious criminals and eminent politicians. The world was in a chaos. The stock markets crashed, armies of all the countries were now unemployed and a few countries were left completely leaderless. Some people tried to destroy the cages, while some turned into believers. Despite the chaos, there was a serenity. A tacit calm. People were good to each other. They were hopeful that despite of what they had done in the past, Gods would spare them if they behave themselves now. Fear was driving people to love each other. 

My husband vanished 14 months after the killings started. That day we were having breakfast and talking about our son’s birthday celebrations when he disappeared from his chair mid sentence. I stared at the unfinished toast and the half filled cup of tea for a long time as I didn’t had the courage to switch on the television and see him melt. Those fourteen months were the best time of our marriage. He had completely transformed and I had fallen in love with him.

*  *  *  *

It took the world 30 years to come back to order. Yes, we survived somehow. It became a beautiful place to live eventually. The generation who is running the world now is of my son’s age and they are brought up in an environment were “love” is the only word, the only possible solution. My son got married some years back and I am a grandma now. I had never believed in happily-ever-afters but I am living one now. Of course, I miss my husband at times. I still have that cup and plate in which he had his last breakfast.

And yes, the cage is still there at India Gate. Its a part of that monument now, a part of our existence. But I don’t remember if it has been used since a long time. I go to India Gate at times to have a look at it. To remember the day when the sky turned into a molten rainbow.

Randomizer

  • A few days back, I saw a movie called Sophie’s Choice. Its a story about a Polish woman who is asked to make a decision. When she reaches the German concentration camp with her two children, she is asked by an officer to choose one of her child who would be exterminated. She pleads and begs that no mother can make such a choice but the officer warns her that if she is unable to make the decision, then both of her children would be exterminated. In the fear of loosing both her children who are being snatched out of her arms by the officer, she blurts out – “Take my little girl.”

  • Being at home has its own advantages and disadvantages. You are answerable all the time. Its not that its bad but it gets on your nerves at times specially when you are used to live on your own from such a long time. And yes, you are subjected to all the Balaji soaps and the lame Hindi News channels. I was forced to watch “Kyunki Saas bhi kabhi bahu thi” last week because usually that was the time I entered home from work. I don’t have words to describe how I felt. Maybe this image would help.

  • While I am on Balaji, I saw the promos of Ekta’s take on the Sacred Indian Epic of Mahabharat titled – Kkkkahaney hamarey Mahabhaaaaaaarat kaaayeeee (Please correct me if the spellings are wrong. I think I got them correct with a lot of difficulty). I had huge hopes from the serial as I liked the promos and was almost sure that Ekta had done something sensible for the first time in her entire pain-in-the-ass-and-brain career. I saw 4 episodes and again I have no words. The same irritating background score and the same 10,000-shots-from-different-angles-in-different-colours. Believe me, it was BLASPHEMOUS.


  • I called up Vodafone customer care today to activate my password for online payment of my mobile bill. The first thing which I found really odd was that the Customer care representative was talking in Hindi. Well, what if I don’t know Hindi? What if I am from Tamil Nadu? I faced a similar problem when I was in Chennai. The representatives started the call in Tamil and then I had to ask them to shut up and speak in English. Is it not common sense? Or am I missing something? And, boy, the number of times the representative said – “Mujhe aapki sahayta karne main khushi hogi(I would be happy to help you)”, was amazing. In a 3 minute call, he said that atleast 8 times!!!
  • According to a News channel, CBI has hit a dead end in Aarushi’s Murder case. There is no evidence left which pretty much means that the criminals might never be caught. What a shame!!! And the way the channel was presenting the story was even more pathetic. The way the readers/commentators stress each and every word, I won’t be surprised if someday one of them will end up with a ruptured blood vessel. And we have better one liners in our C grade Hindi movies.

  • The reality shows are another holy pain in my ass. I have lost count of the number of such shows I have been subjected to these days. Junoon, Sa Re Ga Ma Pa, Star Voice of India, The great Indian Laughter Challenge, Ek se Bhadkar Ek, Kaun Banega Superstar(which thankfully ended last week), Dus Ka dum, Kya aap panchwi…whatever etc etc etc. With an exception of Junoon which is giving a chance to our folk singers to come ahead and where you can listen to songs filled with Ragas, I loathe all of them. And do watch Sa Re Ga Ma Pa, just to experience the sheer torture of watching Himesh. The way that guy keeps on blabbering, I am seriously thinking of going in the show and pouring fevicol in his mouth as an act of kindness towards mankind.
  • Its horrifying the way the population of Delhi drive. There is so much honking and abusive language that I was shocked. Since I am coming late now a days, so I generally come home by the office cab and the blaring horns just make me wish that I was deaf. People play with car horn as a newborn would play with his father’s laptop after being told not to do so. And why is everyone so angry and ready to fight? Why are we so afraid of each other? Why can’t we smile?

  • I have started wondering if people get married because they want to get married or because family/friends want them to get married? I think there is a huge difference between the two. Most of the people just bend under the sheer pressure even when they are not ready. Getting married just to please your family and your friends who keep on asking the same question every time is not the right reason. I am going through this and the pressure is getting on my nerves. I know that this is not the right time for me, but the questions have started to bug me. I am afraid that I will snap one day and end up giving someone a royal chunk of my mind. CAN I LEAD MY GODDAMN LIFE MY OWN GODDAMN WAY??

  • Is it not ironical that all this is happening on a planet which we can’t point out in the last picture pasted above? Earthlings(including me) are so much in awe of themselves, I must say!!! 😀 And I think the Geek Wrestler should surely give up his idea of ruling the tiny winy planet and think of something big. 😛 Oh, by the way, I stole the idea of this post from his blog. 😛
  • I wonder if the German officer would still have asked Sophie to make the choice if he would have seen the five pictures above. I wonder if he would have asked himself – What the hell am I doing?

Severn Suzuki and THE One tight slap

It was the year 1992 and Severn Suzuki was a 12 year old kid. She raised money with the members of the Environmental Children’s organization (ECO) and attended the United Nation’s Earth Summit in Rio De Janeiro. She gave a six minutes speech there which received a standing ovation from the delegates of the various countries. According to her, a few of them cried too. Her speech was nothing less than a one tight slap on the face of all the “Adults” who think that spending money on War related activities and developing new weapons is more important than spending it to remove poverty and illiteracy and on environmental Issues. Her speech was hard hitting but whether it lead to some action or not was something Severn herself wrote 10 years later in a Special Report in the TIME called “The young can’t wait”. An excerpt –

I spoke for six minutes and received a standing ovation. Some of the delegates even cried. I thought that maybe I had reached some of them, that my speech might actually spur action. Now, a decade from Rio, after I’ve sat through many more conferences, I’m not sure what has been accomplished. My confidence in the people in power and in the power of an individual’s voice to reach them has been deeply shaken.

You can read the full report here.

This is the video of the speech. Don’t miss the expressions on the faces of the delegates.

You can read her speech here.

Since her bold foray in the UN Summit, Severn has been an active environmental activist, speaker, television host and an author. She is currently pursuing a Master’s degree in Ethnoecology.

(The photograph is taken from Wikipedia)

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