Daddy Diaries : Timings, Fire and Nosy Aunties


Dear Diary,

Anika turns two months old tomorrow. She is taller by a few centimeters and weighs almost double of what she weighed at the time of her birth. She now has layers and layers of baby fat on her arms and legs and has a double chin that can shame Adnan Sami (older one). She also has started smiling although she does that more while staring at the walls than the family which scares the shit out of us. We believe that there is a ghost in the house.

Sharma Clan is famous for its sense of timing. We have a 100% track record of understanding the importance of a perfect sense of disruption and I am proud to announce that Anika has picked the trait in just two months of her existence. So, the moment I put her to sleep and tiptoe towards my laptop, she suddenly opens her eyes and start wailing. The feat is repeated when we are eating food or trying to take a nap or basically doing anything that does not involve her. She pretends to be asleep and the moment you happily turn your face emancipating a sigh of relief, she opens her eyes and give an evil grin.

I am so proud of her.

Dear Diary,

We had Anika’s naming ceremony a few days back. It was just a formality as she already has a birth certificate with her name on it. She slept throughout the ceremony, flailing her arms in alarm as if the world was about to end when the priest dropped a utensil on the floor. When the fires were lit in the hawan kund, we deported her inside. The priest had too much time on his hands as he had no other appointments and he took his own sweet time to finish off the ceremony.

Now I really like the fire part of such rituals. I was adding ghee to the fires, just like those vamps in our daily soaps. It is an art. You have to drop the ghee at precise locations so that the wood catches fire properly and you don’t end up suffocating to death. It’s basic survival skills. So the whole Sharma clan was more interested in strategically burning the wood rather than what the priest had to say. He was anyways into too much of Sanskrit. In the end, I had to lower a mini coconut in the fire and I loved to see it burn with the rest of the wood that the family had successfully reduced to ashes.

Then the eunuchs arrived. Their leader was a towering personality (imagine The Great Khali in a saree) who made us shudder by her dance. We had to part with 7500 Rs because the gang repeatedly threatened us that they will be taking off their clothes in front of us. I was amused and actually wanted to see if they are capable of doing that but I got glares from my family and we finally gave in to the blackmail.

nosy peopleI can’t describe how much I abhor all those nosy ladies from Mom’s kitty who came for the ceremony. One of them has a granddaughter of her own who is a month younger to Anika. There is some problem with her eyes as they water very frequently. The doctors say that they might have to do a minor surgery. Now this lady finds solace in scrutinizing all the babies in the colony to find watery or uneven eyes. The first comment that fell off her mouth after seeing Anika was – Don’t you think one of her eyes is smaller than the other?

“Really? Just like your boobs?” I wanted to ask. Of course I held my tongue back. Then she did what we were avoiding to do throughout the ceremony. She smeared Anika’s forehead with the red tilak and then plonked a few rice grains on top of it as if she was a ceremonial goat tied in a temple.

Another lady had a huge issue with what Anika was wearing. She behaved as if we have draped the baby in woolens in peak summers. Then she had a problem with her name too.

“Why Anika? It is a very old fashioned name,” she remarked.

Another one had a problem with Anika’s upper lip. Sigh! Dear Diary, I must tell you that my middle finger was twitching to be raised throughout their stay in my house. I am contemplating putting a sign board outside the house specifying that dogs and nosy aunties are not allowed inside.

Dear Diary,

Anika got two injections in her thigh as well. The moment the needle went in, there was an expression of utter shock on her face and then the scream came 5 seconds later shattering all the glass windows of the hospital. I think she was quite brave, given the fact that her mother still holds my hand while facing an injection and makes a face as if she has swallowed a frog.

Time is flying by. I can feel it. A few days back Geet and I were discussing about how Anika will grow up and leave us one day to find her world. Silly, I know. It all started when I took a policy in Anika’s name that will mature in 21 years. Now I have two policies to take care of in addition to a home loan. The dent in my pocket is so enormous that I can fall through it and out of my pants.


I need to stop. She is awake and quivering her lips like Sharmila Tagore.

So long.

[images from 1,2]

88 comments on “Daddy Diaries : Timings, Fire and Nosy Aunties

  1. Happy two months birthday Anika! Reading this post in the morning was sheer bliss! Anika just made my day! 😀 These aunties should be banned completely! x-( I thought they pass comments only on DILs aur padosi ki betis now I can see they don’t even spaee babies! How shocking & mean of them! I’m really scared of eunuchs. Period. Hope she is fine now after the injections? Take care of Anika!

    • Thanks Sreetama. 🙂
      Oh those aunties were completely insane. They irritated me to bits in just 10 minutes of their presence. Although mom is fine with them but I shudder to think what happens in the Kitty.
      I am usually not scared of eunuchs but the way they blackmail can give Dawood a run for his money.
      Yes, she cried for 5-10 minutes and then she was fine. 🙂

  2. There’s more such evil grins to come…Soon she would crawl around , stand up with a real poor sense of balance , pull down things that catches her fancy , probably confiscate your mobile for some ‘Temple Run’ marathon 🙂 And those Aunties….Its time we have a law under IPC which bans them….

  3. cutie pie Anika. Wish I could see her and hug her 🙂 I too wanna thrash such aunties. I wrote a similar article abt aunties askng abt ur wedding date and grading u may be an year back. Let them go to hell or imagine throwing them along with coconut in the fire 😛 btw I lolled at that dent in the pocket 😀
    Oh family life and progress scares me some times 😦

    • Thanks Afshan. 😀
      I don’t think I will let those aunties near her. It might happen by accident but it will never be deliberate. 🙂
      It scares everyone. You have to jump into it with closed eyes. 🙂

  4. Awww! I want to hug you. Every line of this post was distilled Daddy love. My best to Anika and may she realize soon that Daddy is already a slave, wrapped around those tiny fingers. May she lead you through a merry dance 🙂

    • Thanks Ritu, 😀
      Oh yes! She has already wrapped everyone around her fingers. We are thinking of dressing up as Egyptian slaves from the times of the Pyramids over the weekend.

  5. Happy birthday Anika… I don’t feel you are unfamiliar.. Your daddy has portrayed you so very well that I can imagine how cute n angel you must be.. I’m eagerly waiting for those days when you’ll start taking your first step, you’ll start reciting words… I’m sure your daddy will reach cloud 9 without wasting a nano second… 🙂 Happy growing Anika… n Anika is a real nice name 🙂 🙂 to hell with such Aunties.. these Aunties and those invisible four men have made everyone’s life hell… so Anika don’t get bothered with such Aunties of your Daddy, you’ll find your own Aunties better than your daddy’s Aunties 😉 😉

    Lots of love n hugs to you Anika.. 🙂 God bless you Tc

    • Yeah, I am also looking forward to all those days. There is always something new everyday. 🙂
      I don’t think I will allow the aunties near her again.
      Thank you for all your wishes Pratiksha. 🙂

  6. She has you wrapped around her little finger, daddy. She is a cutie and I love the pics you share of her. Great to see that your humor is still intact. That is the only thing that can take you through poojas and aunties. Luckily in our family, we did no namkaran pooja only satyanarayan katha. And the aunties here are nice. They take prasad and scoot :). And I also remember the smiles they give at this age — so non-committal, it is there one second and gone the next. And you meant Anika turned two months, right?

    • She has wrapped everyone around her little fingers. 🙂
      I am the least visible person to her during the whole week. It is only during the weekends that I am able to spend some time with her.
      I was actually shocked by all the remarks. I don’t know how mom endure them. Such painful specimen.
      Oh yes. I meant two months. Corrected that. 🙂

  7. Cheers to Daddy’s patience!!!
    Anika is an old fashioned name? Hv never heard of anyone with tht name. Anika Sharma- nice ring to it 😀

    Hah… you should have let the Eunuchs strip. Once when my friend and I were travelling in train and 3 Eunuchs hopped in and started asking for money. People hurriedly gave money except my friend. When he refused one of them lifted his mundu. My friend jus stared nonchalantly & shrugged. They left jus like tht.

    Goddd these stupid injections- I hope and hope that they will develop tasteless drops by the time I have a child. Even while reading this I felt a shooting pain.
    Love & Prayers to 2-month old baby, mom & dad!

    • Nidaa,
      I too have never heard of the name but a lot of parents are naming their daughters Anika nowadays. It will be common by the time she grows up. 🙂
      I would have asked them to strip and be done with it if I was alone. I really think they should be provided a decent way of livelihood. That is something our government should have done a long time back. They have been reduced to begging at traffic signals.
      Haha! I hope we get rid of the method of using injections. It is very prehistoric.

  8. You know the best part of the post? That picture of about the nosy people. So damn witty 😉
    Oh poor thing went through so much during the ceremony and she doesn’t even know it. This is one big reason why I won’t have a naming ceremony for my kid 😛 No opportunity for wagging tongues. And Eunuchs really need to get a life and a job. I couldn’t care less if they paraded naked around my house. Really.
    And looks like daddy dear is smitten 🙂 Good for the wife. And happy 2nd month to Anika. Do we get to see her in the near future?

    • Yeah, appropriate isn’t it? 🙂
      She was just tossed from one aunty to another and scrutinized before I pulled her out and took her inside.
      Till our society accept Eunuchs as equals, there really isn’t much hope for them. Most of them have turned to begging on traffic signals.
      Yes, yes. I will share a few pics of her in later posts. 🙂

      • Eunuchs don’t actually beg you know. They blackmail people into giving not one or two rupees, these days they don’t budge for anything less than a 10. You know the scandal where men dressed like eunuchs and collected money. They were busted by the police. It is the easy money that attracts people. Just like begging.

  9. Happy two month birthday to Anika..I love her pics you put up on FB…she is so cute and already has a mind of her own, methinks. Oh and those nosy aunties, didn’t Geet get questions about breastfeeding, whether there’s enough milk and how she might be doing it wrong?? You are lucky then.

    • Thanks Maddie. 🙂
      She has started observing her surroundings for sure. She likes the chirruping of birds in the morning, rains and winds. Whenever she is crying, we take her to the balcony and she is busy observing the world. It is amazing to see all this.
      About breastfeeding, I guess the aunties missed it. Maybe they were keeping it for later. 🙂

      • That’s fantastic! 🙂 Try playing CDs that have gentle music, especially Santoor and Flute; it’s great for them and works wonders to put kids to bet. I used to try that with Shantanu. In my enthusiasm, I even started playing ghazals later on but that’s what it had a reverse effect. 😀

        • She likes listening to songs but when she is angry nothing really helps. I will download a few instrumentals and study their effects on her. 🙂

  10. I wish I had penned such lovely notes when my son was an infant. It would be a pleasure to go through them now that he is a big boy. Our love blessings for the little angel. To hell with the nosy insensitive aunties.

  11. what is wrong with people? I mean she is just a 2 month old baby. If they can’t say anything good or positive about her then they shouldn’t say anything at all. Give your blessings, eat the food and leave. I hate such nosy relatives and neighbors who have no life.
    Happy two month birthday to Anika 🙂 I hope she grows up and smashes the windows of those aunties 😛

    • That is normal right? To be nosy. I mean they are seasoned to behave like this. That is the only way they can derive some pleasure from their meaningless lives. 🙂
      Thanks for all your wishes. 🙂

  12. ahh! you are such a sweet daddy.. you write so well….
    I loved that twitching of the middle finger part..

  13. Two months already??? Time is flying!!

    Oh those nosy aunties are everywhere… it’s a pain! 🙄 Grin and bear, or ignore. I usually do the second.

    The eunuchs made you part with 7500?? Ouch! That sounds painful!! Might as well have told them to drop their clothes, for that kind of money! 😛 :mrgreen:

    • Haha! Yes, it is. 🙂
      Yes, I ignored those aunties. What else can you do. I will break their nosy nose if they try to be more uncomfortable in the future.
      7500 was the minimum amount. They started with 21000. We bargained.

    • Thanks Debs.
      She doesn’t give us sleepless nights. Not yet. Only the usual get up twice during the night and feed her kind of nights. 🙂

  14. How can those ladies be so mean! I can’t imagine telling anyone at all about the ‘squint’ – it’s either she’s adorable or you keep mum!
    And I find it amusing how babies react to injections or similar uneasy situations after 5 seconds! Tube lights? 😉

    • Aunties are supposed to be mean. That is the only reason that breed exists. 🙂
      Oh yes, they are definitely tube lights. She had another one today and still no improvement. 🙂

  15. 🙂 I am loving your daddy tales 🙂

    Oh the nosy Aunties….they are the same everywhere nahi? I thought catching a plane and crossing oceans to another continent would put some sense into them….sigh! The comments I get on a daily basis for my twins…. e.g: Your boys are lucky that they inherited their dad’s skin color; you are wise to fall in love with a fair skinned man 😥

    • I heard those comments about marrying a fair-skinned man and how lucky I was as well! Only till, they discovered that I had a razor sharp tongue to complement the intelligence. Such dimwits needs someone to say something nice to them loudly and in public. Works like a magical charm :).

      • Oh Rachna, trust me they do get answers worth getting slapped on their faces 😉 It’s just that it bugs the hell out of me that every single aunty seems to have such stupid things ready up their throats all the time. 😦 Just yesterday I bumped into one in the mall who came over and gave me a lecture on how I shouldn’t be feeding non veg to my babies. She came to this conclusion after watching me dig into a plate of hot chicken wings. (my babies are not yet introduced to non veg) The husband started opening his mouth to answer back but I kicked him under the table. I let her speak for a good 10 minutes and then told her I think it is too late for my boys eat everything from chicken to pork and even have tasted some exotic stuffs while we were supposedly vacationing in Hong Kong 😛 Oh the look of disgust on her face was priceless :mrgreen:

        • Good on you! Didn’t expect anything less from you :). One thing my husband taught me is no point in being defensive. They can take their notions and opinions and stick it up their asses for all I care. I am so happy that our generation knows how to give back.

    • I think the act of putting a few hundred miles between them and India has exactly the opposite effect. They become more senseless. It is as if they have to be mean to keep their culture alive. 🙂
      No one has talked of skin yet but whoever does will have the same treatment as the one Rachna gives.

  16. Happy @months to anika….Your post on the baby takes me back into past when my girls are babies…Few things i can co-relate with you….the Eunuchs….they always go the house where a happy ceremony is going on…its really strange how they know about it……

    And these aunties….ufff…….

  17. I think they are like a cult those Aunties… They mill around like little black clouds and quickly congregate to form a super storm… I’ve made it my life’s mission to stay one step ahead

    • I am sure they get together during full moon nights and practice black magic. 🙂
      I hardly know any from my area but the one who stays in the ground floor flat of our building as a pain in the ass.

  18. Such a sweet name, Anika. Don’t care what they say. Till your daughter won’t complain about her name it doesn’t matter. People take solace from finding imaginary defects from others. See it has helping some depressed people.

    • The right way to handle them is to run in the opposite direction. 🙂
      For your condition, it is fairly simple. Poke them at funerals and remind them that they are next. They will leave you alone. 🙂

  19. Anika is old fashioned? What’s the name of the person who asked this? Btw I have a similar tale of the religious rituals, instead of concentrating solely on the Agni, I listen to how everybody is singing/pronouncing the shlokas. And it is so much fun…n in the middle of something, I look at the sister who would be doing something similar and break into that silent laughter which you can’t control.

    Why the aunties are so typical. They are some universal phenomenon found everywhere 🙂

    Btw happy 2 month to Anika, how’s the mom doing?

    • Maybe Sheila, Sushila or something like that. 🙂
      I usually concentrate on the fire and the ghee part. I find that very fascinating.
      My sister was busy clicking pictures. At one point I was afraid that the priest will snatch her mobile and throw it in the fire. That would have been a sight.

      Mom is good. Getting massages and spending the whole day with the baby for the time being. 🙂

  20. All said and done, I can see how much you enjoy all those little pranks of Anika. I guess most kids are like this…attention seekers. Till you sit next to them watching just them and nothing else, everything’s just fine. The moment they find your attention gone for a second, they start wailing. And the nosy aunts, that’s so true. They are so annoying that you feel like punching hard.

    Enjoy Daddyhood and keep writing…love reading your experiences. 🙂

    • Yes, we are enjoying the phase. Although she is a very kind girl but there are days when she shows her Sharma clan traits in full glory. 🙂
      And for nosy aunties, I am going to avoid them in the future.
      Thanks for liking the post Rekha. 🙂

  21. yaay!! two months old 🙂
    Muaah Anika and welcome to the daughters gang.Don’t let your Dad laze around,browse Facebook and snore loud in the morning.Let us have fun making these people crazy 😛
    But,kindly give him some time to blog so that we can read about all the good fun you are having
    High five my girl.Love.

    • Haha! I don’t get time to do any such things. She keeps us fully occupied. 🙂
      I am having a difficult time writing even one post per week but I am somehow coping.
      Thanks for all the love Bhavia, 🙂

  22. Heyy Amit…. dat was a really nice post.
    So expressive… from Daddy dearest 🙂
    It would be so nice when grown up Anika would be able to read these posts from her dad. Blogging is a very good way to keep the memories alive and relive them whenever we want. 🙂 🙂

  23. Happy two-month birthday to Anika! 🙂

    LOL @ the picture of the nosy aunties you have painted. I could see them in my mind’s eye. 😀

    The eunuchs really got Rs. 7500 off you?! :0 That’s outrageous!

    • Thanks TGND. 🙂
      The aunties are a real pain in the ass. They come up with a new nonsense every day.
      Well, that is the going rate as I have heard. 😦

  24. Just so you know, I am making lots of points in my diary 😛 😛

    Anika equaled the rupee so soon!! Seems just like yesterday 🙂

    Have fun little baby and keep ignoring the aunties, just like your dad 😉

  25. Congrats, Dear dad ! aren’t children amazing …
    Major milestone in life.
    Seems like the smileys are hiding the toil and sleepless nights that has gone into raising the little one! Nappy changing must have by now, sufficiently trained you to be oblivious to the smoke of havan kund rituals …

    Eunachs generally have khabris in domestic helps who generally get a cut of the largess.

    • Don’t gulp! Spit. 😛
      Thank you very much. I am scared of the time when she will start speaking and never stop. The thought exhausts me. 🙂

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