The boy who did not believe in love

Up was Down

Up was Down

On 16 Feb, 2013 Geet and I completed three years of our married life. Doesn’t sound like a big achievement, does it? After all there are couples who have spent 50 years together, where the last 10 years of their togetherness have been spent revisiting the potty training manuals, taking sagging body sponge baths via a nurse, exchanging dentures during dinner and spending half of the day getting up from the chair.

But these three years of togetherness are an achievement. Especially for a guy who never believed in love. I have seen too many marriages breaking apart around me, too many husbands beating up their wives, too many couples making compromises to believe otherwise. This notion was ingrained in me that no matter how high you are on the initial euphoria, the effect of the drug finally subsides in the morning. Your love life becomes a part of your routine and you get on with it like you get on with brushing your teeth.

I was almost 30 and Mom and Dad were panicking because they thought that their crossing-into-middle-age virgin son was going to die a virgin. It was the most terrifying year of my life when I had to finally make a decision. After all it involved another human being and I have to give up the freedom of farting noisily in my bedroom. Too much was on stake. My father created my profile in a matrimonial website and put up a really ugly picture of mine on display. On a scale of Sunil Shetty to 10, I looked like Tushar Kapoor. I went completely numb in the cold matrimonial waters, just like the survivors of Titanic. My virginity ship was about to sink and I watched helplessly as my feet grew cold.

M friends told me that it takes 2-3 years to find a bearable bride and given the fact that I looked like a cross between Mamta Banerjee and Prabhu Deva in my matrimonial photo, I extended the duration to 4-5 years and went in my crypt. But Gods had something else in mind. Within a month my parents sent me a girl’s picture (I was in Manchester then) and told me that she was perfect.

“Did she see my photo on the website?” I asked in a state of shock. The ship was sinking too fast.

“She did.”

“Are you sure she is not blind?”

I was told that there was a 33/36 match on our horoscopes and I have to stop being an idiot and talk to her. Now this was a turning point. Not that my parents had never called me an idiot but the horoscope match was too perfect. My ghosts of doubts were returning and whispering me to back out. They reminded me that I was incapable of falling in love. Now before you jump to conclusions, what the ghost meant was that I was emotionally incapable of carrying a relationship of such magnitude on my shoulders simple because I did not believe in that gesture. Secondly, what will my friends think? After all, I had distributed such pearls of wisdom like – How can two people stay together their entire lives? I will be bored to death! Ugh!

Anyways, I saw her photo and there was a sensation in certain parts of my body. Like near my heart. Let me clarify that it wasn’t lust that prompted me to talk to her. I know better than getting aroused over a photo of a fully dressed female. It was just instinct. We talked how two strangers will talk when they talk for the first time. I tried to be funny and failed and walked into a wall during our conversation. It was a good conversation.

Geet tells me that she had fallen for me during the one month we talked on the phone. I liked talking to her but nothing else happened. I don’t know why but I finally said yes.

The fact was that both of us were scared. When we moved to Manchester 15 days after we got married, I was taking deep breaths. But those were such incredible days. I rediscovered myself. I realized that my heart was capable of melting, that my eyes were capable of gleaming, that my legs were capable of going weak,  that I was capable of falling in love, that I would not die of poisonous gases if I don’t fart.

In college, Geet was the kind of girl who would stop talking to you if you ask her to be your girlfriend. She treated me like a lizard that has suddenly dropped in her lap from the ceiling when I tried to give her an innocent peck on the first day of our marriage. Like me, she too had her own battles to conquer. I waited patiently for her to come around. I worked on our friendship.

Now that I look back, I cannot imagine the last three years without her. I married a stranger and fell in love with a friend.  When I think of my marriage, I think of The Black Pearl, that was rocked upside down to be transported back into the land of the living at sunrise. Now wasn’t that lucky that ‘Up was Down’?

p.s. I am looking forward to exchanging my dentures with Geet. That way, if we are left with one chocolate and she eats it all, I can still after-taste it.

snow

[image from here]

125 comments on “The boy who did not believe in love

  1. May you exchange the dentures and have the chocolate after taste linger on for as long as eternity….. Belated anniversary wishes Amit 🙂

  2. Aah
    That was a perfect Saturday post ! This kinda gives me belief that may be I too can try and grow stronger in my bond!! Coz I too have many false beliefs and demons to fight all the time 🙂
    Happy weekend !

    • Afshan,
      We all have demons to fight. It wasn’t an easy decision for me. I could have wrecked someone’s life. But in the end, I chose to believe that I could be a good human being.
      I am sure you too will win in the end. 🙂 All the best to you.

  3. forget all those movies and literature about love – this is the most perfect love story! this should be read by all as a manual on forming lasting relationships. thanks amit. though we are not in the denture-sharing stage yet (still have a few years to go!!!), we still are friends sharing our lives. imagine, a 24/7-friend! happy anniversary to geet and you.

    • Haha! Thank you for considering it as the perfect love story. There was another very crazy incident that happened during the first two months of our marriage but I still have to gather courage to write about it. Of course it seems funny now that I think about it. 🙂
      Anyways, yes it is great to have a friend to share your life with. I am really glad for you. 🙂

  4. Belatedly, a very happpy happy anniversary to the both of you!!! May god bless you both and you celebrate every anniversary together till you share your denture..:-) thank you for sharing your sweet little story. HIII to Geet too…

  5. Someday, I’ll show this post to my yet-to-be-known-future-wife. That way, I dont have to reinvent the wheel and still not miss anything that I wanna convey. 😛
    Excellent recount of the best phase of your life so far. And mentioning after-taste sums it up more profoundly than any bollywood movie!

  6. OMG What an awesome story. Happy anniversary to you guys and best wishes for a wonderful life ahead.

    ROFL at the Suniel shetty to 10 and Tushar Kapoor. 😀

  7. That was such a sweet, heart-warming read. Looks like Geet is a very lucky girl, and you are a lucky guy to have her as well. 🙂 Wish you many, many happy anniversaries to come!

    • Thanks Suthewriter. 🙂
      The fact that I got lucky with a Matrimonial site within 1 month and got married with the first girl I talked to indeed makes me lucky. What adds to that luck is that that girl was perfect for me. I feel blessed. 🙂

  8. Sigh! With so many people writing in their anniversary posts, I feel like doing so too, though ours’ is still a good 5 mths away 😛
    Belated wishes Amit; we so believe in that friendship part too. Married for almost 7 yrs and people say we still come across like newly married 😉 Now I take that as a compliment 😛

    • Yes, you should write about it too! 🙂
      And thank you for your wishes Swaram.
      I believe that looking like newly married forever is the mark of a beautiful relationship. Wishing you all happiness. 🙂

  9. Amit, that is a heartfelt and heart-warming tribute to your love to whom you lost your virginity, duly spiced with sparkling humour. Remember, I kept Mr Updike on hold to enjoy your story! May the light of a trillion stars twinkle on your chocolate-stained dentures!

    Thanks for sharing.

    • Thanks Uma for all your wishes. Losing your virginity is a very emotional moment indeed.
      Oh God! Mr. Updike will be tossing in his grave! Do give him immediate attention.
      I hope I don’t lose the dentures like my virginity.

  10. Happy anniversary again!

    So one thing is certain. Whenever Geet and you have an argument in the future and she refuses to see your point, all you have to do is remind her of this essay. Hearts will be amelting in a jiffy!

    And really relieved for you that you won’t be dying a virgin!

    • Thanks Rickie for your wishes. 🙂
      I crossed that bridge a long time back. 😛 In fact the days of pure virginity are now very hazy in my memories.
      Err…essay? 😐
      BTW, are you coming for the Indiblogger meet on 8th?

      • Ok, not essay, note from the heart!
        Undecided about the 8th. I have never attended a blogger event before. I am bit chary of being a pile-on at an event where the expectation might be to blog about it later. Considering that I have absolutely no intentions of reviewing it / blogging about it!
        But I do wish that some of us likeminded bloggers around this area get together sometime soon.

        • That is much better.
          I haven’t attended a blogger’s meet before as well. And I don’t think they are expecting us to write about it. I am just going for the experience. Think about it. I will give you my free autograph.

  11. A very very Happy anniversary to you both 🙂
    I must thank you for this very wonderful post (I’ll try to post why I said that on my blog).
    Here’s wishing you guys get to exchange dentures & enjoy the finger lickin’ good moments of life till eternity 😀

  12. What a cute mushy post, Amit! You are a sweet boy whose heart is in the right place. Wish you and your love a long life of happiness together. At the end of the day, our desires are simple and basic! Twelve years down the road and with kids in tow, I can tell you that the journey becomes more exciting and frustrating but like you I always bounce back to the basics to help tide over the rough times. All the best! Stay happy.

    • Thanks Rachna. 🙂
      I completely agree. Kids are another test which scares to death. 😀 But I am sure it will be a hell of an experience. 🙂

  13. I married a stranger and fell in love too.
    We will have to ask your lovely wife about your picture resembling a cross between didi and deva.
    Perhaps both of you are like the lead couple of a Yash Chopra movie……made for each other. Happiness Always.

    • Same pinch. 🙂
      I saw that pic later when Geet pointed it out while going through our old albums. I gave her an incredulous you-said-yes-to-this look. No one is ever going to see that pic. 😛
      Yash Raj Couple? Yes, yes, we sang songs in Switzerland. I think that makes us eligible. 🙂

  14. That has to be the sweetest anniversary post. May you guys share dentures and more:) Congratulations and here’s to many, many, many more such wonderful years for the two of you!

  15. That’s such a warm anniversary post, and that too coming from a guy took my heart away. Congratulations on your anniversary. May you remain best friends madly deeply in love always.
    P.s. I love the name Geet.

    • Thank you onehonestwriter for all your wishes. 🙂
      Geet is not her real name but I love the name too, so I decided to call her by this name on my blog. 🙂

  16. aww such a sweet post. I wonder what is it with the month of Feb and weddings? We too got married in Feb (11 years ago) and I can see so many bloggers on my Fb celebrating their anniversary this month. 🙄

    Belated wishes to you both.

    Ps: Somehow your blog is the only place where I can’t bring myself to put my usual 3 para plus nonsensical comments 😥

    • Thanks AD. 🙂
      I think it is something related to Feb being auspicious. A lot of people get married in February.
      You can totally put three para comments here. I like them. 🙂

  17. I could have written this post myself, considering the sentiment it conveys – not believing in love, marrying the “arranged” way and then rediscovering all over again – although the post, I’m sure, wouldn’t be as tongue-in-cheek as yours!! To make sure I never forget my journey, I have recorded it as my Matrimonial Mish-mashes in my blog. Not sure if you have read all of them.

    Oh come on, make up your mind. You can’t look like Suniel Shetty, Tushar Kapoor, Mamta Banerjee and Prabhu Deva all at once. 😛 🙄

    Congrats you too. Sometimes the first 3 years makes all the difference. And considering you are still in love, and happily so, I’d say that gives people like me some hope (1.5 years down, and many more to go 🙂 )

    • I think I have read all your posts except the ones during the time I was off blogging. So many of us have similar stories especially the ones who go for arranged marriage and find love in the process. 🙂
      I can look like all of them. Some of my pics are that bad. 🙂
      Thanks Ash for your wishes.

  18. Wowww… this is one of the sweetest i hav read that didnt make me diabetic.
    Happy-super-duper Anniversary to you and Geet. Keep writing and still waiting for your book.
    Sick and tired of people (including my friends) asking me why i dont agree for marriage- I lashed out- “I enjoy farting loudly too much to give up tht freedom”- really didnt know whr that came from :D. There were like “Ewww you’re disgusting”. So its not jus me. Juz another reason I lov this post

    • Thanks Nidaa for your wishes. 🙂
      I think if you are going the arranged marriage route you just have to steel yourself and make up your mind. Otherwise one can never be prepared for it. It is scary! 🙂

  19. What a beautiful, sweet, cute, honest, heart-warming post, Amit. Touched me immensely, and reminded me of the way I met the OH too. Ours was a similar story, too. 🙂

    Wishing you both many more happy years of togetherness. 🙂

  20. How can this be so mushy-mushy without being mushy-mushy..??
    Sweetest post Amit. Happy Anniversary to you two. The last line is tooo cute!
    And by the by.. how come she’s both Geet and A****.. or am I missing something here? 🙂

    • I know its not that mushy. I left out the kissing-on-the-Eiffel part and running in the Alps singing a Yash Chopra song. Yeah, we did that too. 🙂
      Geet is her blog name. I am not using her real name here. 🙂
      And thank you for all the wishes.

  21. hello..hello…hello..this is an awsome post…so sweet straight from the heart and as someone has already said…so mushy mushy and still not mushy…:)…Wish you both many many more years of togetherness……:)….and i did not know that Geet is her blog name….:)

    • Thanks forgottogrowup for your wishes. 🙂
      I think it is mushy and still not mushy because I have added Sunil Shetty and farting in it. 🙂
      And yeah, Geet is not her real name. It started as a joke sometime back when Jab We Met came and I mentioned on the blog that I wanted to marry a girl like her. 🙂

  22. This is such an “awwwwwwwwwwwww” post! Loved reading the in-side story. I must say, you both are really lucky! 🙂 I don’t believe in the powers of those matrimonial sites yet. As far as love is concerned, it is for other people.

    • Thanks Akanksha. 🙂 The key is to get your horoscopes match correctly. I don’t know what science is involved but I have seen it work. 🙂

  23. Happy Happy Anniversary to the both of you ! May you both enjoy the togetherness forever !

    Hey – how do you write such heart touching posts – Yaar ! Awesome !

  24. First- belated anniversary wishes amit . Hope you have many many years of sweet nothings,after tasting sessions and yes the denture exchanges too ! I can really understand your wife’s initial lizard dropping reactions. I got engaged to my hubby the same day I met him for the first time and after a total of 2 emails & 1 phone call that lasted exactly for 3 minutes, we got married 2 months later. Today we are a 11 year young couple and with 2 kids it is a roller-coaster ride. But a happy one at that. My heartiest wishes to you n geet for all the love n happiness

    P.S I would love to see the pic of a cross between the rubberband man and the rigid lady 😀

    • Thanks for your wishes Priya. 🙂
      11 years? Wow! That is like forever.
      Geet and I talked for almost a month before we said yes. Our family was ready to give us more time but we were sure by then.
      I can show you that photo but then I will erase your memory by that flash light they used in MIB. Is that ok?

  25. Happy anniversary Amit & Geet-may your happiness keep multiplying with every passing day.This was such a cute post,it left a lingering feeling of pleasure.

  26. A beautiful post, Amit. Reminded me of “grow old with me, the best is yet to be”.
    Wishing Amit and Geet a Happy Anniversary, and may the years ahead be always full of love, togetherness and shared joys.

    • Thanks Nomad. The best part of having a loving partner is the whole thought of growing old together. You can imagine the next ten years and always feel warm. 🙂
      Thank you for all your wishes. 🙂

  27. Belated happy anniversary Amit & Geet! Congratulations on completing 3 beautiful years together & wish you a lifetime of happiness! 🙂 Thanks a lot for this post Amt! Am going to tie the knot in 4 days, in the arranged through matrimonial site way. Apart from the wedding exvitememt, am a bunch of nerves right now. This post is like a moral booster for me. Hope I’ll be able to share a nice story few years down the line. Fingers crossed!

    • What! You are getting married in the next 4 days?!?! Congratulations and wishing you a very happy married life! 🙂
      And I look forward to hear your stories. 🙂
      Thank you very much for your wishes.

  28. Glad you wore your heart on your sleeve for this one, Amit. Hope you and Geet have a great time discovering more about yourselves and one another as you grow old together.

  29. Yaa Yaa…I am always the last but..wishing both of you a very very very cute super duper long lived chocolate denture filled years of togetherness 🙂 big hugs to both of you 🙂

  30. Firstly belated anniversary Amit! May you both have many many years of togetherness 🙂

    I am someone who share a similar feeling which you had before you met Geet. The word marriage freaks me out and arranged marriage freaks me out even more. Your story is inspiring.

  31. Falling in love is an amazing feeling.See,miracles happen in real life too 🙂
    Toast to the loving couple who I am yet to meet !! Please invite me 😛

  32. Belated anniversary wishes to you and Geet. Wish you all the happiness and all the good things in life for many many more years to come.

    “On a scale of Sunil Shetty to 10, I looked like Tushar Kapoor.
    My friends told me that it takes 2-3 years to find a bearable bride and given the fact that I looked like a cross between Mamta Banerjee and Prabhu Deva in my matrimonial photo” this had me Rofling for sometime 🙂

    The best way to treat your spouse is to treat him/her as your friend…I totally agree with that. Can’t understand why some people don’t realise this.

    Loved this post too and I’m sure Geet is one lucky woman.

  33. Belated anniversary wishes Amit and Geet 🙂

    Same pinch. For the horoscope score. For the ‘falling’ part during telephonic conversations. For not seeing each other before the wedding. And for a February wedding 🙂

  34. Belated Happy Aniiversary Amit and Geet.. May you share your dentures and chocolates..:) 🙂

    This was such a WOW!! post… Sooo sweet and so humorous. I didn’t knew that Geet is a blog name, I so loved this name.. Not for Jab we met but for the TV show Geet.. 😉

    • Thanks Saanjh. 🙂
      I actually fell in love with Geet’s character in Jab We Met. I haven’t seen the TV show.
      Thank you for all your wishes.

  35. Oh this is so heart-warming in the cold Manchester!! 😀 I saw the video you put up on FB. This is so najar-na-lage-wala-cute!! Many congratulations and keep the love flowing!

    BTW, Geet ever considered making a guest post on your blog??

    • What! You are in Manchester? Did you go to Rusholm? Did you go to the City Centre? The Museum? Did you travel by the tram? You have made so many of my memories rush back. 🙂
      Thank you for all your wishes Maddie. 🙂
      I have never asked her about a guest post but I will. 🙂

      • No, no, no, am not in Manchester. I was talking about you two! Please do ask Geet to write this story in her words. Would like to know the other side of it! 🙂

  36. Belated Anniversary wishes to you and Geet 🙂 wish you celebrate many more happy Anniversaries together!
    Our wedding story is also almost the same. You discovered “that I would not die of poisonous gases if I don’t fart” but my hubby still has to discover that, at least that if he did not die at any other places, he would not even in our living/bed room 🙂
    I didn’t know Geet was her blog name, but whenever I read about her in your blog I had the image of Geet from JWM. I really loved that character.

    • Thank you Seena. 🙂
      Haha! I was very sure I would not subject another human to the atrocoties.
      I too had that image in my mind when I was trying to get married. She comes very close to it. 🙂

  37. I wish both of you a lifetime of happiness, love and joy. You have penned it down beautifully. 🙂 It’s arranged-marriage stories like these that assure me that everything’s going to be alright. Trivia: My parents are on a groom-hunt for me.

  38. Belated anniversary Wishes to you and Geet. I didn’t know it was a blog name, everytime i hear the name Geet, Kareena pops up in my head.:-)
    This was such a mushy post, my favorite topic to read about. It made me smile, and the way you wrote it, God, are you real??? Romantic guys who write romantic posts!!! Do you have a younger brother??? 😉

  39. Congratulations on completing 3 yrs of married bliss!! 🙂
    such a romantic post! 🙂
    LOL@ comparing yourself to Tusshar Kapoor!! Gosh – that guy’s ugly!! 😛

  40. aiiyoooo I am the last one to wish you. The college authorities have blocked your blog under entertainment 😛
    I wish you and Geet a very happy and crazy Anniversary 😀 (Belated)
    This was one cute, adorable, pouring your heart out and honest post. 😀

    • Thanks Dauntlessdaisy! 🙂
      My blog has been blocked at a lot of places. I hate it when they treat it like a Po*n site!
      Thank you for all your wishes. 🙂

      • hahahaha….no no its not because of that. If the software reads sex and alike words, it blocks the website. Talk about being in a law school, we cannot read anything on sexual assaults online 😛
        Your welcome 🙂

  41. A cross between Mamata Banerjee and Prabhu Deva? Haha Amit you are too much! Belated happy anniversary to you and Geet–here’s wishing you both a lifetime of blissful trogetherness, denture-sharing and all 🙂

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