The Middle Finger Awards 2012

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Welcome to the Middle Finger Awards 2012 presented by Mashed Musings. The awards honors the best news makers of 2012 in various categories. We are committed to an unbiased and honest approach toward selecting the nominees and the winners. If you have any concerns about any of the winners not deserving his/her award, please keep it to yourself.
So, lets begin the ceremony.

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*Drum rolls. Trumpets Blaring*

Here is the first category :

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The Middle Finger Award for the Most Courageous act of 2012

And the nominees are :

Dr. Manmohan Singh – for gathering enough courage to address the nation 7 days after the protests and letting everyone know that he too is a father and there aren’t enough commandoes protecting his daughters. Theek hai?

Sheila Dixit – for having the courage to come to Jantar Mantar and lightening something that looked like a half burnt candle while the crowd booed her.

Anushka Sharma – for wearing a blue XXL vest in Kashmir for a Yash Chopra movie.

Delhi Police Chief, Neeraj Kumar – for his courageous act to save Delhi Police from further shame and twisting facts. Apparently, he hasn’t heard the story of the shepherd and the wolf.

Madhura Honey – for her courageous act of walking with the Indian team in Olympics opening ceremony in a red top and blue jeans looking completely out of place. Just like all those students in Student of the Year.

And the Middle Finger goes to *drum rolls* Manmohan Singh!!!! For his courageous bland as boiled pasta speech to pacify the nation.

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Our next category is :

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The Middle Finger Award for the Most limelight hungry Indian of 2012

The nominees are –

Abhijit Mukherjee – for the dented painted comment and letting Indians know that the President has a big mouthed son.

Kailash Vijayvargiya, Madhya Pradesh Minister – for talking about Laxman Rekha when he should have actually zipped it up.

Banwari Lal Singhal, BJP MLA, Rajasthan – for being disturbed by girls wearing skirts as he found it difficult to take his eyes off their legs.

Haryana Khaps – for leaving no stone unturned to be on national media and make us realize that humans haven’t completely evolved from apes.

Dharamvir Goyat, Haryana Congress member – for sharing his pearls of wisdom with us about 90% of rape cases being consensual.

And the Middle Finger goes to *drum rolls* the Haryana Khaps for their consistency in churning out drivel!!!

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Our next category is :

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The Middle Finger Award for The Best Blind Eye of 2012.

The nominees are –

Delhi Police – for using teargas, water cannons and Lathis on college students and women and then wondering why people threw stones at them.

BJP ministers in Karnataka – for turning a blind eye towards all the cameras pointed at them as they enjoyed porn in the assembly.

Indian Citizens – for craving for popcorn while they circled the rape victim lying naked, shivering and bleeding on the road.

Indian Politicians – for ignoring thousands of rape victims till waves of people came out on roads and threw stones.

Vijay Mallya – for donating 3 Kg gold to Tirupati temple while his employees went without salary for months.

And the Middle Finger goes to *drum rolls* the Indian Citizens for achieving the impossible of turning back the clock of human evolution.

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Lets move to the next category which is :

middle finger awards

The Middle Finger Award for the Most Confused Indian

The nominees are –

Pratibha Patil – for pardoning rapists and murderers and getting confused about her right to not to be a puppet who has to sign a pardon when asked.

Sushil Kumar Shinde – for confusing students with Maoists.

Arvind Kejriwal – for confusing the nation by jumping from one issue to another and giving everyone a terrible headache.

Saif Ali Khan – for his role in the movie Cocktail where he confused the audience in the first half into believing that he wasn’t playing an assho*e.

Delhi Police – for discussing confusing matters of jurisdiction as the rape victim and her friend lay on the road naked and bleeding.

And the Middle Finger goes to *drums roll* Pratibha Patil for letting loose deranged criminals on the society.

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The next category is :

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The Middle Finger Award for the most Dramatic Indian of 2012

And the nominees are –

Salman Khurshid – for his saas Bahu dialogues about replacing ink with blood if Arvind Kejriwal tried to enter his domain. No shit.

Robert Vadra – for collecting unmatched black wealth, mocking the nation and then getting away with it by saying something with a mango and banana in it.

Mamata Banerjee – for her histrionics by equating rapes to political conspiracies and asking profound questions like why men and women are allowed to mingle in our society.

Ponty brothers – for their swift and fortunate exit from the world.

Suresh Kalmadi – for having the nerve to express his desire to attend Olympics after being released on bail for the CWG scam.

And the Middle Finger goes to *drum rolls* Robert Vadra for his unmatched feat of taking the whole nation for a ride.

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The next category is :

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The Middle Finger Award of the most Senselessly Swift Indian of 2012

The nominees are –

Mumbai Police – for their swift response in arresting two girls for stating the truth on Facebook.

Delhi Police – for swiftly arresting 8 random men after a constable died in the protests and filing an FIR without any proof.

Akbaruddin Owaisi – for swiftly going underground in London after his arrest warrant was out in India.

Indian Government – for swiftly moving the rape victim to Singapore when it became apparent that she was not going to live.

The Dengue Mosquito – for swiftly taking away the king of romance, Yash Chopra in the blink of an eye.

And the Middle Finger goes to *drums roll* The Indian Government for acting in the nick of time to save themselves from the blame of the rape victim’s death.

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The Middle Finger Lifetime Achievement Award

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The  award goes to the man who held a whole city to ransom for years, who divided the country on the basis of the state in which you live and who wore sunglasses even in dark rooms – Shri Balasaheb Thackeray.

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That’s it for this year folks! We sincerely hope that the viewers enjoyed the awards ceremony and congratulations to the most deserving winners. We will be back next year with more fun filled categories!!!

[image from 12, 3]

97 comments on “The Middle Finger Awards 2012

  1. Loved it! I was thinking on similar lines for a post, but you have really got it all together and did a great job. Couldn’t have done better than you 🙂

    You , my friend deserve an award for honesty and blurting out the truth!

  2. Incisive, razor sharp, and sadly true. Disgusting and contemptible, the lot of them (with the exception of Arvind – with an elephant’s memory for dates, names, issues and a logical sequence in his speeches – very non-confusing.) My award would have to be to the pm for ferreting her out of the country to save his neck when she shouldn’t have been moved.

    • Thanks Kayemofnmyk. I was way depressed beyond my capacity while writing this.
      What Arvind did was great but I could not understand the point. Given that the public memory is very short and no one bothers about Robert Vadra and the others he exposed, it seems like an exercise in futility. There was no conclusions.
      And I did give the Indian Government the award to swiftly move out the girl when they realized that they could not save her and if she dies in the country, there will be more stones coming their way.

      • Yup, I saw that award of yours and just wanted to make it a double one 🙂 As for bothering about Robert Vadra – the brother-in-law of India’s pm in waiting – it takes time for the majority to go from no involvement to active involvement. Hope it happens.

    • It may take decades. We might have to wait for a few people like the RSS chief to wither away and die but things will change. The politicians and the police is in denial but no one believes them anymore.

  3. When I had just started blogging, I remember being amazed and glad to find one blogger who wrote with such conviction, honesty and boldness – a very special award should go to you too Amit.

  4. damn.. these are tough categories… I wanted to give some of the others consolation prizes ( A cRITICS mIDDLE fINGER ? ) because they did work so hard for reaching the pinnacle ..

    • Of course, they are tough! The awards are meant to honour only the most deserving of Indians.
      Critics Middle Finger is a good suggestion. We will consider this next year.

    • I know! I had a hard time. No sponsors and I had to do all this myself. I have been running after Ppepsii to sponsor the show but finally gave up after they started behaving like Delhi Police.

  5. Omg Amit !! These awards amuse me more than film fare or oscars . Wonderful judgement and very interesting
    You tried to show the filth with so much lime light plus fun that I could bear all the nominees and their works 😦

    Only one thing makes me feel bad like giving a second five finger slaP award to runner ups Would be good!! Feels like writing a sequence post and honoring them more !
    Anyway I can do half the justice to being a judge
    A big thanks for writing this !!

    • Thanks Afshan. I am glad you liked it because I had a tough time deciding the winners.
      Filth? What filth? These are bloody achievers! Do you even understand how much strength you require to stoop to that level?
      Five finger butt slap? Hmm…Interesting category.
      And you are welcome. 🙂

  6. Even though it has been uttered to death, allow me to say, Mind-blowing! Unfortunately, we will need to tie up with the rapist-murderers to spare the middle fingers of the victims to be able to dispense so many of them. That Dr Manmohan Singh and Sheila Dixit need several of them makes the problem more acute!

    • Thanks Uma. I was going to call the awards – ‘The Middle Sword’ but then decided to maintain some decorum. But yes, they don’t deserve it.

  7. Bravo Amit for this honest and bold faced ‘In your face’ post! I am actually looking forward to more ‘Foot in the mouth’ statements from our politicians. Shows how dumb some of these morons are. Shows how superficial some are. Shows how some of them are only interested in promoting their own agendas. Keep ’em coming people. My ‘Never Vote for’ list continues to grow. It also shows as a country, we still have so much growing to do – but looks like finally the lessons have started!

    • And your wish has come true! You could have asked for anything. Asaram Bapu has surpassed everyone. He seems to be heavily influenced by the movies in the 70s and 80s. I can bet he saw ‘Insaaf Ka Tarazu’ at least 10 times. He is a very strong contender in the next year’s award ceremony.

  8. Trust me there are several others who haven’t spoken their mind but if they do…they can give Abhijeet Mukherjee a complex. Ask Sharad Yadav or Mulayam for their views on par kati women.
    Nevertheless brilliant compilation.

    • I completely agree and such people are more dangerous. If I see Abhijeet Mukherjee on a road, I can at least throw an egg at him because I now know his face but what about people who are equally pathetic and never spoke?
      Thanks Alka.

    • Thanks Ghata. 🙂
      And I read your post which generated a lot of hate comments. I need to find some time to comment my views there. Will do soon.

  9. that’s seriously awesome ,:) 🙂 i am laughing like hell 🙂 🙂 how obvious it will be, if these things come true having a ceremony in delhi 🙂 🙂 this will be a super dooper hit for sure 😀 😀

    • Geet has been saying this too. She told me that she will not bail me out if I get arrested. I told her that if she wants to sit next to me when Arnab calls me for a discussion, she has to bail me out. 🙂

  10. you Amit, I think are one of the bestest bloggers I read…I love the way you get a humor quiotient into the most upsetting things in life and then manage to make me smile and yet wonder where on earth is India heading to…you can be thought provoking and yet hard hitting and yet making us smile …*Salutes*

    • Thanks R’s Mom. *blush blush*
      Areee I am super depressed of this country. All these happy posts are just a facade to maintain my sanity. 😦

    • Thanks Destiny’s child.
      Of course these awards are real. Mashed Musings is giving them. 😛 It’s another story that there is no one to receive them.

  11. Awesome Amit!!…new to your blog…my 30% of the Office time goes for your Blog…happy that i have finished them all…
    Now @peace.
    It was a dark truth portrayed very well, The Filmfare of Indian history cant be better( Sarcastic smile 🙂 )
    To add, The Dengue Mosquitos can be given another award for achiveing the impossible task of fast forwarding the case of kasab :):)

    • Hahaha! Thanks Sonal. But do some work also. Ok? 🙂
      The Dengue mosquito did not stand a chance in that category. There was tough competition. 🙂

  12. Nice post .. Being no fan of thackarey..i wonder how u can say ” who divided the country on the basis of the state in which you live”
    I am more comfy with a T than a TN/South Politician whose minions burnt a bus with girls inside for trivial reasons…Who drilled brahmin and hindi hatred into the mind of the common citizen… who chased out all the brahmins from their state as they could not find jobs due to bad economic policy and super reservation above 50%, something that gave the Sena a cause in the first place….
    Go backpacking to rural kerala and TN and speak hindi and see the reaction from people … goto mumbai and see how friendly people are… Remember the people made T powerful…

    Thackareys claim to fame was he was unabashed as he called out the hypocracy of the people in power… unlike most politicians that followed the British policy of divide and rule…
    The award should truly go to the three generations of the PM that legislated out a supreme court judgement on the Shah Bano case! ….for hypocritical politics
    His grandfather said hang the corrupt people from the nearest pole…
    His tenure had a few scams … one of which was the LIC-Mundhra scam…
    which was the first and maybe the last scam where conviction was secured in record time and his Finance Minister TTK resigned, thanks to honest uncorruptible parliamentarians like Feroze Gandhi , LIC/ICICI official like HT Parekh who started HDFC and the legendary Justice Chagla.
    Currently the party in power is again out screwing the Citizens of India and LIC unitholders to bail out its vote bank policy as it has doubled the deficits and depreciated the rupee by 25% on the sly..and the only way to fill the empty coffers is to sell family silver cheap or fool people and force PSU FIs to buy then expensive.

    The system the party put in place prosecuted a Girl who made an avg comment on FB but did nothing about a Akbar Owaisi because his party i assume has supported congress for the last two decades …
    Calls expenditure on Police and Courts non plan, and keeps cutting budgets, but calls vote bank pleasing and black money generating private beneft policies like nrega , petro , kerosene subsidy and farmer loan waiver as plan expenditure
    … read Ajay shah…

    Also the politicians from the deep south who polarized society against a particular community and a language, were even worse than him.. but they did it on the sly.
    Sena was born with covert help of the current party in power and a bunch of powarful politician from mah congress who hated the communists like dange and politicians such as the the gandhian mah cm who later became Indias pm, a man who made urine therapy famous.

    • Prax,
      Aren’t they the same everywhere? I know what you mean but Thackreys made it too obvious. Maybe they should have worked underground like the rest of the termites. Their problem was that they were too loud-mouthed for their own good. If you are a politicians and you have to do something nasty, you have to do it quietly.
      I will consider other politicians for the Lifetime achievement award too. Give me some time. It is only the first year of the Awards. 🙂

      • I prefer those that lay it out in the open rather than those that do it on the sly
        Choosing the loudmouth makes it dancing to the gallary… The real troublemakers want that … and there would be no shivsena w/o Congresses powarful politicians…

        And thackarey and ilks did some good in mumbai… He was a simple man and much adored by many mumbaikars, i still like that man for his straight talk .His ambulance service saved many lives as municipal services were pathetic.. and the way migrant labor was brought in and illegally settled on govt lands in mumbai for building vote banks and fattening purses of builders and politicians, the thackareys do have a point 40% of migrant population is nothing but overwhelming the suns of soil… but they do what politicians do … go after the easy fish instead of going after the politicians of the party in power that actively pursued such policy.

  13. who do we blame when we know we are the worst culprits hiding behind the excuse of being common men for decades? where do these corrupt politicians, cops, criminals come from? they come from within us, we create them, we make them powerful and then we cannot handle them one day. i might sound a pessimist but i don’t see any change happening ever.

    • TGND,
      Asaram Bapu will definitely be one of the nominees next year. Unfortunately, he was late in spitting his venom by a few days. My heart goes out to him for missing out an award.

    • Thanks. 🙂 About Anushka – If you have seen ‘Jiya Re’ from Jab Tak Hai Jaan, she is wearing oversized vests of different colours throughout the song. In Kashmir. In a Yash Chopra movie. Whatever happened to all those saris which Sridevi used to wear in Switzerland?

  14. I am sure many of us would be nodding our heads in agreement! I wish there really were awards like this….like how films have Golden Kela awards.

    I almost forgot….brilliant post Amit 🙂

  15. This is Awesome Amit! Should be sent to a newspaper for others to read too :-). I’m sure many many more would agree.

    I really wonder how these morons utter such nonsense on public platforms. Don’t the women in their family (at least the current generation) argue with them on their misogynist views??? Everyday we common people are being enlightened by the pearls of wisdom they spew out.

    • Thanks Liju. I think I will be in a jail if this leaks into a newspaper. 🙂
      In Hindi we have something called – ‘Behti Ganga main haath dhona’ which means – taking advantage of a situation and that is exactly everyone is doing. Who doesn’t want his 15 seconds of fame?

  16. I will be honored to sponsor the awards next year. We can increase the number of categories, that way we could involve more people and increase the fan following as well 😉

    I am speechless over the post. A tear or two trickled down as I read about the greatness of people in our country.

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