Read Part One here – Excerpts from Sambha’s diary – I
10 March, 1976
Dear Diary,
Gabbar can be really stupid at times. It was July when he decided to attack Ramgarh during Holi. Holi is celebrated in March! By the time the fool realized that he should have said Diwali instead of Holi, the words had left his mouth. Now Gabbar has this huge ego problem and he hates to correct himself in front of the whole gang. Result – We had to wait for 9 months to attack Ramgarh. Can you fuc*ing believe that? I went back to sulk on the rock.
12 March, 1976
Dear Diary,
We attacked the village today. Much before we reached Ramgarh and started firing shots in the air, almost everyone knew that Gabbar was coming because he had not taken a bath from the last 5 months. And the fool was talking about a clandestine entry! I saw Jai and Veeru for the first time. We had them but that bloody Basanti Dhanno-ed in and they got away. That girl is so irritating. The man who marries her will die of exploding eardrums. Anyways, it seems that there was some tension between the hired help and Thakur. I guess they do not know that he is hand-less. You have to be really blind to be with someone 24X7 and not know that.
13 March, 1976
Dear Diary,
Gabbar is royally pissed off. He has been screaming all day and beating us up. For the first time, I am thankful that I sit on a high rock. The gang is really unstable right now. When he had Jai and Veeru on gunpoint during Holi, Gabbar would have shot them. But the moron had to display histrionics and say his dialogues. He ended up with sand in his eyes. Serves him well.
p.s. We are having a secret meeting tonight sans Gabbar.
17 March, 1976
Dear Diary,
We have decided in the secret meeting that we cannot tolerate duffer Gabbar anymore. If Jai and Veeru do not kill him in a month, we will. Today he killed a boy from the village called Ahmed and sent his body back to his blind father who went – ‘Itna Sannata kyun hai bhai? (Why the silence)’ – after the whole village went statue on seeing the dead body. Gabbar did not shoot Ahmed. He just pulled Ahmed towards him, opened his mouth and blew air from his not-brushed-or-rinsed-since-eternity mouth just like those Colgate adverts. Ahmed clutched his own throat and died of suffocation.
23 March, 1976
Dear Diary,
Yay!Yay!Yay! We captured Basanti and Veeru today. Veeru was tied to some random pillars and Basanti was ordered to dance. It is after such a long time since a woman has danced amongst us (Helen did that last August) but Gabbar did not allow anyone to touch her. Sigh! This guy should be covered up with a blanket and beaten to unconsciousness. Veeru kept saying – Inn Kutton ke aage mat naach Basanti (Don’t dance in front of these dogs!) but then Gabbar told her that if she stops thiraking (dancing), Verru will die. It was a bit inhuman. He should have allowed her to take water breaks.
But then Jai came and everyone started firing at everyone. I tell you, it was such mayhem that it was a perfect chance to let a bullet into Gabbar’s skull by mistake. Anyways, Jai saved Basanti and Veeru and asked them to bring help and the bloody idiot jumped on a bomb and blew off the bridge.
Everyone arrived before the police and Gabbar got a nice thrashing from Veeru. We were all cheering him. Good riddance! Then Thakur came with his super cool spiky shoes and started mincing Gabbar. The sight filled me with such pleasure that I had tears in my eyes. But when he was going to hit him really hard and finish him off, that annoying, nose pokey police officer came and rambled on and on about not taking Kanoon (law) in your hands.
‘Motherf#$%$%#$@#!#!@#!@## Policeman!!,” I cussed louder than I had wished and everyone stared at me.
17 July, 1976
Dear Diary,
Today was the first day in jail. The first thing they did was to scrub and wash Gabbar after a constable fainted. They shaved him as well – head to chin. I could not recognize him at all. The lice have abandoned the planet as his head is now like a drought hit desert. His breath smells of mint and there is a breeze every time he speaks. He looks like a lost lamb now. Sometimes I feel sorry for him.
23 July, 1976
Dear Diary,
My arse is going mulayam (soft). I miss my rock.
Amit, you get such gross ideas..died of suffocation..omg!..hahaahaa…ROFL….ayyo..that’s it? only two parts..A dairy is supposed to have 365 days …:)
Sambha maintained the dairy for all his life. He spent his last days in the jail. He died one night when the ever expanding fat Gabbar fell on him. But these are just excerpts from his diary. I might do one post about his life in the jail. 🙂
Thanks Latha. I have nothing but pity for Ahmed.
Can’t stop laughing again. You cracked me up on this Sambha series. I am eating my sister’s head to read it now.. :))
LOL! Thanks Latha. Don’t eat it all. 🙂
hhahaahh 😀 “Basanti Dhanno-ed in and they got away” – This was epic!!!
Sambha himself couldn’t have written a better Dear Diary post than this one! 😀
Thanks Akanksha. Aree baba but this was written by Sambha. I just translated it. 😛
Me too liked that ‘Dhannoed ‘..Awesome..
OMG the sambha series was total paisa vasool. 😀 😀
Thanks Jazz. 🙂
LOL 🙂 🙂 I am laughing early in the morning 🙂
Good morning. You too seem to be an early riser. 🙂
Really funny! I totally adored the last line — arse going soft :). And, I can sort of imagine Gabbar being so dirty and lice infested. He does look shaggy and dirty in the movie. That was a fun read :).How about a spoof on Deewar or some such epic?
Thanks Rachna. 🙂 Well, now you are giving me ideas.
hahahahahha! you are too good Amit 🙂 I loved reading both the parts 🙂
Thankyou R’s mom. 🙂
lol-lol-lol too good; am still laughing at the ‘dhanoed -in and got away’ and the ‘talk about clandestine entry’ . toooooooooo good.
Thanks Priya. And surprisingly, that Dhanno-ed in line was a last minute change. 🙂
You should write Sambha’s Biography 🙂 with sentences like “Basanti Dhanno-ed in and they got away” and “arse is going mulayam (soft)” included.
Totally Awesome !!
Haha! Biography is a very good idea. Thanks for putting it in my mind. 🙂
ROFL.. i wished ur samba series had to continue.. but u mite cm up with some other bollywood character
Thanks Chaitali. 🙂 That is food for thought.
Gabbar ke samne dance-ne ka mauka 😆
Top class humour, as usual 😀
Thanks Visha. 🙂
ROTFL!!! Hahahahah I gotta hand it to your imagination …. to come up with something like this!!!
Thanks Ash. Yeah, it runs wild at times. 🙂
another great one Amit 🙂 What is next now? Sambha pakaoing the jailor in jail 😛
Thanks Jas. 🙂
No, this is the last part in the series. I haven’t thought about extending it. 🙂
one in jail would be an interesting addition. 🙂
Ok. I will ponder. 🙂
Classic pearls
“That girl is so irritating. The man who marries her will die of exploding eardrums.”
“Helen did that last August”
“He should have allowed her to take water breaks.”
“My arse is going mulayam (soft). I miss my rock.”
😀
Thank you for liking the pearls. 🙂
you ROCK!!! 😛
Don’t kill me but I translated this to Hindi and it meant – Patthar kahi ke! which isn’t a very nice compliment. 😛 *runs away*
Ha ha ha! Loved the Holi fiasco of Gabbar, which must have put off his bath too, I suppose. At least he might have got drenched in some coloured water, had he asked the question on time, eh? 😀
I suspect that is why he skipped taking a bath for 5 months because he was waiting for Holi. I always thought Gabbar was an idiot but this diary confirmed my doubts. 😀
how about writing saambha’s diary pages from heaven .. i am sure he must have reached heaven after suffering the atrocities from gabbar ???
😛
But that is such a hypothetical situation. These diaries were made public after he died. 😛
LOL
This is too good. Hilarious! Loved it! 🙂
Thanks TGND. 🙂
Lol! again you made me laugh 🙂
I am very happy. 🙂
Jail ke andar arse mulayam hone lage toh there must be a lot be worried about! hehhehh….
Btw, what soap is Gabbar using in jail? Sounds like a good brand…I am looking for a change myself.
No No. I did not find a hint of any such thing in his diary. 🙂
I think he was using Pears. There was a line somewhere about looking at the jailer coming towards him through the soap.
Too too too good! ROFL!! Superb imagination! Loved it!
Thanks Deeps. 🙂
Standing ovation Amit! You are not just a good author but can be a fabulous scriptwriter/tv news reporter as well! 😀
Thanks Sreetama. Haha! You guys are way to positive about me. 🙂
This is too good. Can’t stop laughing! A real boost when am all down and low and missing home! 🙂 Perhaps you should now write Gabbar’s diary – to justify Sambha’s allegations. Didn’t it enter Sambha’s mind that Gabbar might be gay given there were no girls in his camp?
Thanks Maddie. 🙂
I don’t think Gabbar knew how to write.
And yes, he might be gay. The way he tied Thakur and then Veeru to the pillars pointed in that direction.
Strange that! 😦 Sambha knew how to write and still worked for Gabbar!
Oh! That is a really long and sad story. Life is very very surprising.
What.is.this ????? Where do you get such ideas to type in makes us roll on the floor? 😀
and and and the caption at Basanti’s pic……..awesome!
Thanks Scribby. 🙂
hats off to your idea, good 1.
Thanks Girish.