How about a visa for every state of India?

Yes, I am serious and I do not understand where the problem is? It is such a golden opportunity for increasing the revenue of various states, not to forget that it will also streamline the influx of foreign Indians (The Indians who do not belong to a particular state) in every state. I am not in favor of splitting India like USSR because lets face it, if that happens, some of the newly created countries will end up worse than Congo, Zimbabwe and Burundi. Let us look at a few incidences and headlines to understand why a Visa is such a good idea:

– Uddhav Thackeray and Raj Thackeray are fighting like two cats trying to snatch the limelight for who will declare Maharashtra as a Maratha only zone. They have this specific problem with Biharis and they have done everything from beating them up and now asking for a permit for them to work in Maharashtra. According to them, the Marathi manoos is capable of handling their state and they do not want external Indians taking up their jobs just like a lot of Maratha people have taken up American and European jobs.

Uddhav Thackray – Jai Maharashtra! Fu*k India!

– Now we have a vague idea about what happened during the partition of India by looking at how 30,000 Chinkis (as we fondly call them) ran away from various south Indian cities (and Pune) to save their lives. There were trains loaded with Chaptas (as we again call them fondly) stacked over each other leaving Bangalore as they were attacked for being working in the wrong state.

No.No. These are not tourists from China who are here to see Taj Mahal.

– The Northie and Madrasi conflict is as old as Zohra Sehgal. Madrasis do not like Northies because the Northies always have their nose up in the air, they spend like idiots and think that they are some superior race. The Northies do not like Madrasis because they wear chappals to work, start every sentence with an ‘Aiyaiyoo’ and collect gold as if they will spend the rest of their life sitting on it like a dragon.

A Madrasi dragon sitting on his gold

– The Kashmiri Pandits ran for their life in a mass exodus during the 80s and the 90s from Kashmir. They have sprinkled themselves all over India and are working in states they do not belong to.

– Mullaperiyar dam row between Kerala and Tamil Nadu lead to Keralites and Tamils thrashing each other and almost 2000 Tamilians fled Kerela to save their lives. Yes, they are both Madrasi states. Don’t ask me to explain. I am a Northie and it is complicated for me. This basically shows that even Madrasis can fight with each other and so can Northies.

– Karnataka (which is turning into Mini Afghanistan) had a recent incident of 98 labourers from West Bengal, Orissa, Rajasthan, Bihar being dragged out of a train and assaulted allegedly by Akhil Bharatiya Vidyarthi Parishad (ABVP) members. The activists probably thought that the labourers were from Bangladesh because they looked like Bangladeshis (?). Anyone with a hue somewhere between wheatish and black is a Bangladeshi.

After all these wonderful incidences of brotherly love we can very safely recommend a Visa procedure for anyone who wants to enter a state in which he was not born for work or pleasure. This will definitely reduce the attacks on the helpless immigrants who, like idiots, start working anywhere in India thinking that it is their birthright. This will also increase the revenue for various states in the form of Visa processing fee. Each state can have an embassy in every other state in India which will also provide employment to the locals there.

We can also have something like a Schengen visa in which an Indian will have the freedom to visit a group of states. So, we can have a Madrasi Visa which can be used to visit Kerela, Tamil Nadu, Karnataka and Andhra Pradesh. We can have a Chinki Visa for a visit to the North East, a Bloody Northie Visa to visit any state above Karnataka, a Bangali-Bihari Visa to visit West Bengal, Orissa and Bihar.

Platinum Jai Maharashtra Visa for Pappan Jadhav from Bihar to work for 1 year in Maharashtra.

Of course there will be a Platinum Jai Maharashtra Visa which will be exclusive and will not be combined with any other state. Yeah! Call the Maratha Manoos a snob but tell you what, it’s their fuc*ing state. So stop rubbing your nose to get inside it. Go to Gujrat instead. Their Visa norms will be next to non-existent.

The first step towards realizing this goal to build up a modern India is to accept the fact that we are extremely racist. We cry foul when someone beats up an ‘Indian’ in Australia. We don’t care whether that ‘Indian’ is a Madrasi or a Northie. We beat our chest and dare the Australians to do that again if they are asli Maa ke Puttar (Son of their mothers) and then back home we ask for permits for people from one state to work in another. Punjabis think Bengalis are idiots and snobs. Bengalis think all Punjabis do is make Aaloo Paratha. We cannot point out Mizoram on the map of India but have the audacity to ask a Mizo whether he is from Korea. So, basically, we cannot see beyond our own way of living and have no idea about the ‘Unity in Diversity’ which we are so proud of. We hate each other.

This is where all the Japanese come from

Once we get over this fact, the process of setting up a separate visa entry for every state will be easy. The states have to setup fences and put up force to make sure there is no illegal immigration otherwise they would end up like Assam where half of Bangladesh now resides. There have to be specific entry points on Airports, Railway stations and Bus stations.

I am sure this activity will give us ample reasons to stop all the violence, lead the Thackerays to spend the rest of their lives in the Himalayas and make all of us immensely proud to be an Indian. Yet again.

[images from 1,2,3,4, 5, 6]

60 comments on “How about a visa for every state of India?

  1. Loved the post. India is dying each day, a slow death. The likes of Raj Thakrey are not hard to find. Sadly, there is one, within many of us 😦

    The English knew their concepts too well. Divide and Rule was something they initiated, and we’re suffering even today. Our highly educated politicians might not know how many zeros form the number which they are hiding, w.r.t the latest scam, but they sure know how to implement this policy of divide and rule, again and aain.

    Jai Hind.

    I also have a similar post in drafts, not sure when it is going to see the light of the day 😦

  2. *Stands up and claps loudly*

    But what happens to people like RD and I who have no roots whatsoever….Tambrams, Born in Calcutta and Trichy, brought up in Calcutta and Baroda respectively and now settled in Bombay *wonders which state to start applying for visa*

  3. rmember in social studies/civics we learned one very profound lie – ‘Unity in Diversity’ ?
    Has it ever been more ironical than in todays India ? Each state is bickering about its neighbours and wants to further divide itself. Do you know even how many states are there now – I honestly dont anymore. And I was good at geography in my days

    • Unity in Diversity is used to attract tourists. It is actually a curse for our nation. I wish we all were the same. At least we would not have ignored India and would not have called its pieces our homes.
      I thought this hatred with subside with time but it is growing at an alarming rate.

  4. I was about to ask you after seeing the title as to what kind of nonsense are you suggesting … but I guess you have given enough examples to warrant your cause 😐

  5. *Standing ovation for this post* LOVED it totally.

    What you are saying is so true! We don’t hesitate in drawing boundaries within India, but when something happens to an Indian in an outside country, we get all het up!

    I was honestly thinking of this very thing when I was reading about the North-east exodus in the papers. Like RM, I am a Tam-Brahm (who has never really lived in Chennai, just born there), brought up in Ahmedabad, Gujarat, and now settled in Bangalore, Karnataka. I feel like there is a part of everything inside me. Where do I go? 😦 I was thinking the day is not far off when the ‘powers to be’ will deem that every person HAS to work in the state that he was born in, irrespective of other things.

    University in diversity?! Unity in diversity, you mean, right?

    • Thanks TGND.
      Its human to keep dividing till the micro level till an external threat appears. I am sure if an Alien ship attacks us now, all the nations will stand together as brothers to defend mother Earth.

      If every person has to find work in his own state, it will bring half of India on its knees. It is great to hear about all this and beat up people but everyone knows that this cannot be implemented.

      Arrrgh! Thanks for pointing out the University! What was I thinking!

  6. nice post amit.. i was just thinking will there be green card systems too.. then i might be holding one for living in other state.. 🙂
    how did u think about this idea?? i mean the cause for ur thinking??

    • Thanks Ashreyamom. No, no. No green card. What is the point then? We will land up in the exact same situation in which we are right now. 🙂
      Oh, it just popped in my head. We are so desperate to get rid of each other, so why not?

  7. What about an inter-state passport!? Also, if I’m from Uttar Pradesh but have been married in Punjab, what will be my identity? This is way to complex man. Lets stop all trains and planes and have barriers on highways.. that will stop infiltration. And the only tourists can be firangs or the locals.
    I was proud of our Unity in Diversity. I thought chahe jo bhi hai, we are so loving towards each other. And now this, F&^% our leaders!
    Needless to say, I admire your brilliance!

    • Inter-state passport will complicate things. Married in Punjab? Then you will belong to the state to which your husband belongs. Very Simple.
      It is not complex. We do this all the time with other countries. Why can’t we implement it in our own country?
      Thanks Nisha. 🙂

  8. On the lighter side,let me imagine how big my card wallet would be once the state visas are issued.27 state visas(I hope I don’t need a visa to visit my own state),credit cards,business cards,discount cards,coupon cards..
    Amit,if you remember my big bag post,then I think I should be carrying a trolley and walking around 😛 😛

  9. We are essentially very non tolerant people. You are talking about visas between the states, I think if this goes on we would need visas even to visit parts of the same State.
    In Maharashtra there is a big fight between Vidharbha and Mumbai. People in Vidharbha have been asking for a separate state because they feel that the Maharashtra government ignores this region when it comes to development.

    • Yes, that can be a possibility. There are so many states which are having internal conflicts and want to divide. It is a miracle that this country is still standing on its feet.

  10. The EU has far less diversity, less people, less economic discrepancies and yet they will never be able to pull a India. We have had a glorious history of fighting each other for centuries before the British came, spanked and forced us to sit on one bench with folded hands and finger on the lips. There’s more in common between Pakistani and Indian Punjabis than Punjabis and Tamils for example. How the country is held together is a mystery to me! In any case, it’s not sustainable for a variety of reasons, and increasing population, income gap and loss of local government is only going to fuel xenophobic attitudes. Plus India is such a ‘I’m the best’ culture, so a Maratha guy will always think himself to be superior to a Konkani guy even though they speak the same language. sigh.. btw, Raj has some great ideas, his actual speeches (in Marathi) are quite different from what the English media reports which is often Fox network type authentic stuff.

    cheers, Priyank

    PS: Maratha is simply a caste within Maharashtra and currently the Maratha leaders dislike ‘other’ people like me. 🙂

    • Only India can pull an India. Everyone has such a superior notion about their culture and way of living that it is nauseating. Just because I wear clothes a certain way and speak a certain language and have certain rituals does not make me superior.
      Yes I have heard about this before. His speeches after being translated in English are quite different from what he actually wants to say. But still, his workers do get violent at times.
      Thanks for the PS. The other day I was telling mom that there is nothing like Madrasi (she still uses the word!) and they are four very very different states with different cultures. 🙂

  11. Hi.. i liked your post very much.. Indian should learn Unity in Diversity… for that I take myself as an example( boasting :P) for Unity in Diversity…

    I am basically a south Indian born in North……
    Undergraduated from Kerala….
    Post graduation from MP…..
    Initially worked in Maharashtra…..
    Presently working in AP….

    Please dont introduce this interstate visa proposal 😛
    It would be difficult to work permit from each state u go..
    my life will only go in walking the steps of the government offices for getting those visazzzz…. and paying bribe also to get those visaaaaaazzzzzzzzz……

    But i would like to tell u that …. i m really happy with the taste of the different cultures, people and foooooods of India….
    and I feel really homely where I am in India….

    and I am really proud to be an Indian….

    • I think we should have some sort of an intra-cultural activity in every school which might make the next generation more tolerant towards various cultures.
      I am glad that you had that kind of an education. Well, it seems there are a few sane souls around. 🙂

  12. The unity in diversity motto sadly has remained just in our social studies. We sometimes use it to show off in front foreigners. But the truth is far from it. We are big time racists.

    I tell you even the interstate visas/passport will not work. We are capable of dividing within the states and label places as a Hindu area, Muslim area et al. And there may be further divisions based on your caste/community. This could just go on and on….

    The Thackerays feel that Maharastra is a property they have inherited from their ancestors!

    Sorry for the rant!

    Did I tell you brilliant write up as always 🙂

    • Exactly. We show it off in front of foreigners, don’t we? We are all Indians in front of them.
      I know. We can keep dividing till the micro level. Take an example of an apartment and you will see people divided there based on their cultures. Sad but true.
      Yes, yes you did. Just now. 🙂

  13. I had this idea long time back too but then I got just too confused as to who would need which visa and the many types of visa. I guess I got lost in my own calculations 🙂 But you have laid it out brilliantly.!! 🙂

  14. Firstly, I DO think that this has been laid out so “beautifully” that it maybe adopted anytime soon and you won’t even be acknowledged for all that brainstorming.
    This one had me in splits 😀
    Even though it is a scary state of affairs that such satires can be proposed as solutions(yes yes, I know you were joking :p) I still feel hopeful that someday the threat will get so strong that we have no option but to unite. If lessons have to be learnt that way, might as well learn them so that they stay. Oh, that kinda rhymed 🙂

    • Thank you for laughing. Everyone was discussing this so seriously. No one said anything about the photos I added with so much care in the post. 😦 I thought they were funny.
      Ha! I don’t want it to be implemented ever but if it brings some peace, then maybe. Although I have so much faith in our political system that I am sure that they will screw-up this idea as well.

  15. One reason why we fear love marriages is that they make it difficult for a second and third generation to hate ‘outsiders’ or ‘them’… or to be too proud of their ‘superior’ culture. It becomes difficult to find a common enemy to hate and unite, and to vote a savior to power..

    • Its all about fear of outsiders isn’t it? Someone who does not belong to our culture will enter our house and then gradually our culture will be lost. Sigh!

  16. Very good post! I like your “second degree”. I always learn a lot about India in your articles.
    I’m not Indian and I don’t live there so I wouldn’t dare to tell much about the subject. but India has been a “unity” for only a few decades; and I’m the kind of person who thinks things always end up getting better even if it takes time. The only fact that some people debate about it on blogs, on facebook or elsewhere is a sign that things will improve.
    I can’t imagine a system of visa to go from a state to another; that would mean a group of racist people have won over the whole country! But I can also imagine the mess in the town halls to give visas to thousands of people! I guess it would be impossible to do in practise.
    Bye bye everyone!

    • Thanks Marilay.
      Yes I do believe that things will change for the better in the future. Every developed nation in the world has gone through this cycle of change which India is going through right now. So, I am all filled with hope. 🙂
      I too cannot imagine the system. It will be a big mess but our politicians are hellbent about drawing lines wherever they can.
      Thank you very much for your thoughts.

  17. I don’t know how this country is holding up together. I live in Bangalore and despite the fact that most of us don’t belong to one single place, we still continue to have this ghetto mentality. I have seen that people specifically cling to others of their own community or caste, region or religion. And, all it needs is a tiny spark to set people going baying for others’ blood. I’ve seen the ant-Tamil, anti-Hindi sentiment rear its ugly head many times in Bangalore. If you are in a conflict situation, God help you if you don’t know Kannada.

    • Exactly my thoughts. We have this mentality everywhere. We just shut ourselves to everything which is alien and then murders and violence has always been on the horizon. It is amazing how mobs in India can be manipulated to your advantage.

So, you were saying?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s