Cancer : A Survivor’s Tale

I met Anjali(name changed) during my two months job related training in Bhubaneswar. She was a jovial and friendly person who made me laugh at the drop of a hat. I still chuckle when I remember her imitating Salman while dancing to “Just Chill” during the Diwali Party. After our training got over, she went to her hometown, Mumbai while I went to Chennai. We were in touch by phone calls and emails. 

A few months later, Anjali gave me a news which shocked me beyond limits. I could not imagine a bubbly person like her to go through this trauma.

This is her story in her own words. Thanks Anjali for doing this Guest Post.

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It was a recurring nightmare that I always had, an innate fear of losing my parents. I would wake up crying every time I had that nightmare.

 When my mother casually remarked regarding a lump in her breast, I was taken aback. She had it for almost a year now and had not taken the pains to get a mammography done. Every time I thought about it and urged my mother to come for a mammography scan, I kept saying that it might not be cancer. But inside I had a feeling that something really bad was going to happen. It was as if God had been giving me signs all along and preparing me for the most difficult phase in the 25 years of my life.

My heart always skipped a beat whenever I saw the ‘CanCure’ clinic on my way back from office. Reading stories published in newspapers always gave me sleepless nights. That compared with my nightmares were taking a toll on my mind.

Then one day, my worst fear came true…

It was the month of November in 2006. My parents came from the doctor’s office with pale, white faces. Yes, the mammogram and the fine-needle biopsy results were positive. My mother was diagnosed with Grade 3, Stage 3 Invasive ductal carcinoma. In common words, she had a highly invasive breast cancer, which had a high possibility to spread into different parts of the body, through the lymphatic system. We could not believe it. Nobody in our family had ever had a history of cancer. My mother had no major risk factors. Its human nature that makes us think that we have been dealt a death sentence when we’re told we have the “C” word.

 After the diagnosis, it was a roller coaster nightmare. Since the cancer was of an invasive nature, surgery had to done as soon as possible to remove the tumor and limit the seepage of cancerous cells into the body. Things happened so fast; we didn’t have a moment for self-pity. I had to put a brave front in front of my parents reassuring them, keeping cheerful all the time. However, every moment that I was alone, be it on my way to office or sleeping at night…. tears would just roll out (as are rolling now) and every time I had just one question from God…why her?

 My mother got operated in December 2006. She was operated in Tata Memorial Centre in Mumbai, one of the best cancer hospital and research centres in the country. The doctors really helped infuse positivism in her whenever she went for consultation. The surgery usually takes 2-3 hours. However, she was taken inside the operation theater at nine in the morning, and came out in the ICU at seven in the evening. All this while my dad and I were perched outside the O.T., fearing that the worst had happened, since it was almost ten hours since my mother was taken for the surgery. It was after my mother came out of the ICU two days later when we came to know that although she was taken inside the O.T., the actual surgery started at three in the afternoon and she was in queue!! The doctor who operated on her had 29 surgeries lined up only for that particular day!! It is such incidents that infused a little humor into our otherwise ‘super-stressed’ lives. One must applaud the sheer dedication of the team of doctors who perform such a mammoth number of surgeries three days a week and still have a smile on their face, reassuring every patient who comes to them with hope.

The basic line of treatment for any cancer is surgery, chemotherapy and radiation therapy. The drugs and its amounts administered depend on case-to-case and the type of cancer. Cancer treatment differs from person to person and very few people suffering from the same type of cancer would have similar line of treatment. As is the case of breast cancer, the size of the tumor and if the cells are highly malignant, is the deciding factor whether the patient will be given chemotherapy prior to surgery or post-surgery.

Amongst the diagnostic tests done prior to the surgery, a number of biopsies are done, wherein a sample of the tumor is aspirated with the help of a fine needle and examined thoroughly by cytologists for the extent of cancerous cells in the tissue sample. However, these are just indicative tests. The most accurate test is performed on the removed tumor and adjoining tissues after the surgery. It is during the surgery, and after the biopsy tests are available, that the exact line of further treatment is decided.

Before my mother underwent lumpectomy surgery (wherein the tumor and adjoining tissues and lymph nodes are removed surgically), the doctors said that she would have to undergo only surgery and radiation therapy and not chemotherapy. But after her biopsy results were out the doctors said that since the cancer was of malignant nature, we needed undergo chemotherapy.

Chemotherapy is used to treat cancer by killing cells that divide rapidly, which is one of the main properties of cancer cells. This means that it also harms cells that divide rapidly under normal circumstances like the cells in hair follicles, those in the digestive tract and in bone marrow. The type of chemotherapy treatment you are given depends on many things like, the type of cancer you have, where the cancer started in your body, what the cancer cells look like under the microscope and whether the cancer has spread to other parts of your body. The side effects of chemotherapy are what made us really scared. We had heard that people not succumbing to the disease; have succumbed to the rigorous sessions of chemotherapy.

I remember the time when my father called me from the hospital after the biopsy results were out, that my mother would need to undergo chemotherapy, I was in office and could not stop my tears in the meeting I was in. I then went out and had a walk around the office trying to console myself that if this is what God wants us to go through, let it be.

My main concern while mom was undergoing chemo, was that she will loose all her appetite with all the nausea and vomiting, when this is the time to put in all the nutrients possible to help fight the disease. On the other hand my mother was worried about losing her hair and how will she look bald…

My mother had this feeling that everyone was watching her with pity. I recently went to a breast cancer clinic wherein survivors meet people undergoing treatment and share their experiences. A woman, who had a mastectomy a few weeks earlier, was so conscious that she wrapped a shawl around her. On being questioned by a social worker on why you are trying to hide it, she broke into tears pitying herself and the situation she was in. That is when I realized how crippling this disease is. It not only cripples the person physically, but also leaves a deep gash mentally and leaves all the family emotionally drained. A woman’s self-esteem goes down the drain after being diagnosed.

Although my father having worked for the Central Government, received the entire medical amount (which ran in lakhs) reimbursed, one must think about the not so privileged who also face a huge loss financially. I’ve heard stories from people in Tata Memorial hospitals general ward. They have only one refrigerator to keep the chemotherapy medicines. There have been instances wherein someone who couldn’t afford it has stolen people’s medicines from that refrigerator. I still shudder when I think about this.

Then came the day I almost lost my mother….

The chemotherapy started one month after the surgery. She was to undergo six cycles, each cycle after three weeks, to give the body some time to recuperate from the side effects. After the first cycle of chemotherapy was complete, we came home as usual and tried to get mother to eat little meals in forms of soups and porridge. But whatever we gave her, she was not able to eat and would throw up at the slightest food odour. She once joked that I’m feeling pregnant again …coz that’s how she felt back then, with all the nausea. One evening she complained of feeling cold. By nine in the night she was shivering while we were feeling hot. We called the doctor, who prescribed some medicines to control the fever. By next day morning, the fever rose to 104 degrees and she was rushed to the hospital. A quick blood test revealed that she was suffering from a condition called Neutropenia or Low White Blood Cell Count. White blood cells help the body to fight infections. In an average human body, the WBC count is usually in the range of 4,000 – 11,000 per mm3 of blood. In Neutropenia, it is less than 1000. In my mother’s case it was 300; which implied that even a sneeze caused a life-threatening infection. She was kept in an isolated room where only doctors and nurses were allowed to go.  She was kept on round the clock antibiotics to help lower the infection. We could see her only through a small window and wave and pray that she was fine. By God’s grace and the doctor’s concoctions of heavy doses of antibiotics, she was fine. She stayed in the hospital for 2 weeks after that, till her next chemo cycle was done.

I used to be in the hospital for nights. My sister, my mother’s friends and I would take turns staying at the hospital. A good support cycle really helps during trying times.

She came home after a while and was feeling very relieved. And then, she started loosing hair by bunches. She was totally bald in a few days. She stopped looking into the mirror for quite sometime after that. I would try to cheer her up by buying beautiful scarves matching with all her sarees. I had thought of getting my hair cut very short, in order to accompany her. But she laughed, thanked me for the thought and advised me against it.

I also remember another incident. It was the day of the Hindu festival Holi. Due to her ill health, my mother was required to be administered an injection. I remember I had such a tough time going out in the empty streets with 90% of the shops closed; braving hooligans who wanted to throw water and color on me. Eventually at one of the hospital pharmacies, I was able to get the required injection and a doctor who stayed in our building administered the medicine.

I was also amused by how people of different faiths come and try to preach their faith in order to get rid of the disease. One person talked about how Baba Ramdev had ‘cured’ people of cancer. Another one claimed that Jesus is the savior and told the story of a person who started praying to him (and later converted to Christianity) and within days his cancer was gone. Yet another person told that in the foothills of the Himalayas there is a saint who gives ayurvedic medicines that removes the root cause of the disease. There are various other alternative therapies claiming the heavens. In order to maintain our sanity, we tried all possible ways to stop people from meeting her. It usually happens that during suffering, we tend to believe anything to get rid of the situation we are in.

Time flew by during the entire cycle of chemotherapy treatment, which lasted for 6 months. Post chemotherapy, the radiation treatment was to be started. Radiation therapy is the medical use of radiation as part of cancer treatment to control cancerous cells. She was to be given radiation treatment for 31 days, 5 days a week. Only hospitals specializing in cancer treatment provide radiation therapy; in my mother’s case it was Tata Memorial Centre. The side effects of radiation therapy are in some cases fewer than that of chemotherapy. However, in my mother’s case, side effects of the two were almost similar. During her radiotherapy treatment, one day I wasn’t feeling well and went to the doctor complaining of vomiting and an upset stomach. The doctor told me that it was gastroenteritis infection and I stayed in the hospital for 2 days due to weakness. I always remember how helpless my mother felt when she came t visit me in the hospital. Her tears were telling me that she’s feeling sorry to see me in pain and helpless for the fact that she can’t take care of me. I put up a brave front and managed to get discharged in a day. During the entire time, my father was rock solid, even though his face showed the stress.

Finally by August 2007, her entire treatment was completed. She was then put on a hormone-blocking medicine called Arimidex, which has to be taken for 5 years. The usual period for declaring a patient cancer-free is five years. Before that, she has to make regular visits to the doctor every three months, till five years. After that period, an annual visit along with diagnostic test is the usual procedure.

Currently my mother is keeping fine. It’s my nephew that is keeping her busy and taking her mind off the usual aches and pains that she faces. I would say that it was the sheer positivism and will power of my mother that made her come out of this phase of her life.

Our only flaw was that even after being educated and having information about how lumps in the breast need to be checked for breast cancer, we did not take immediate action. If we had taken so, at least the grade and stage of cancer would have been less.

Also regarding cancer, people have this general thought that it can’t happen to them. Or, I’m not old enough to have this disease. This is a major misconception amongst people. Cancer is such a disease that can strike anywhere and in any form. The only hope is to be forearmed. With respect to breast cancer, the most important strategy in improving survival is breast cancer screening and early detection. Currently, mammography and breast examinations serve as the foundation for screening for breast cancer. It is extremely important for a woman to have regular breast examinations as well as mammograms to detect early breast cancer. There are two important aspects in breast-cancer prevention: early detection and risk reduction. Screening may identify early noninvasive cancers and allow treatment before they become invasive or identify invasive cancers at an early treatable stage. All females should get regular screening done. All males should encourage their mothers and sisters to get timely screening done. Remember that cancer is curable, if detected early.

 

The Hitchhikers guide to a sane life

The Hitchhikers series is back again! In the past we have dwelled into topics like How to lose a guy and Basic Etiquette. Now we shall dwell into something more profound. I am not implying that we all lead an insane life. Mind it!!! But there are times when we might drag another fellow human to the point where he screams at us and ask us to shove all our stupid ideas up our own ass. This means that the other person considers you insane. The purpose of this guide is to make you look incredulously sane to a fellow human and to give you some peace of mind. While you read on, you might have a dizzy feeling that all this has been copied from a book by Robin Sharma.

Note that the guide could only give you suggestions. The actions are in your own hands. Here we go:

Mind your own business, for Christ sake!

Its hard to do. Isn’t it? We all have a craving for knowing about why Mrs. Kukreja’s daughter eloped? Or why Mr. Chaddha’s son comes so late at night? We gossip while removing clothes from the spilling cloth-line in our balconies or while playing pool in the club. We pass on the germ to our children who in turn gossip about their schoolmates. Our news readers gossip on national news about what other countries “might” be doing. Our politicians gossip about which candidates are being bought by the opposition. The first step towards a sane life is by MINDING YOUR OWN BUSINESS. Make sure your own life is on track before you blabber about someones else. Chinese whispers is a very dangerous game. 

Help others. They won’t bite you

Helping someone is a very beautiful feeling, even if its a very small gesture. Even if its something like helping someone cross the road, you will feel the tinge of satisfaction after you have finished the deed. A few months back, I was going to a mall in my friend’s car and when the beggars came to his car asking for money, he had a large number of packets of Parle ji biscuits which he distributed amongst them. “At least I know that the biscuits will not be taken away from them by the head of their gang”, he said. And, if you have a phobia about helping strangers, help your mom in the kitchen, or your dad with his car or your sis with her shopping.

Smile a lot, your muscles need some exercise

A smile is something which we use like money. We are too scared to take it out and we store it as if we are going to take it all to our graves. We have our own reasons for not smiling at strangers. We think that the whole world is cruel and shrewd, except us. I will come back to this point later, but yes, try to be happy about the fact that you have love in your life, your family is around you. I think that is reason enough to smile at times while staring out of the window of a bus.

Smell the roses, for the time will take away those petals

Recently, a friend of mine was telling me a story about an old uncle and aunt of her. The Uncle, apparently, slogged hard all his life and is at a very comfortable position right now. The children are all married and the couple spend a lot of time roaming around the world and by visiting a lot of places which they have always dreamt to see. The Uncle, once told my friend – “While my children were growing up, I forgot to enjoy my life. Now, I can afford to do it but what is the point when I can go to Disney Land, but can’t sit in most of the rides? What is the point when I can go and see a mountain but can’t climb it? I wish I had done it all earlier.” 

Don’t turn yourself into that uncle.

Follow the rules, all of them are not meant to be broken

When you see a line of cars in front of yours on the road, don’t jump the lane and make another line of cars. You know that there is a problem ahead and that is why the cars have stopped, don’t you? Now will making another line solve the problem? No! So, basically, if you do that, you prove this beyond doubt that YOU ARE INSANE!! The way we break rules in India, in any other country, such a person would end up in a mental asylum. Your brain is developed enough to reason and find logic in things(unless you were used in some scientific research and your brain was swapped with a penguin). USE THE LOGIC!

Be good. Not everyone you meet is shrewd.

Most of us have this irritating mentality of  thinking that every person we meet is a shrewd, manipulative and cruel bastard. The worst part is that even when we are very good with people on their faces, we still think that way about them. Its the first step towards being a hypocrite, a chauvinist. How can you expect others to be good to you when you approach them with this mindset? And remember, its a two way road!

Don’t lose your family and friends, they are your roots to reality

There is only a selected few set of people who will always treat you the same way no matter how big a big shot you become. Never lose them. They are your umbilical cord with reality, with your roots, with the place from where you started. No matter how big a fight you had with your friend, he would always hug you when you say sorry. And I had always believed that, this is one set of people with whom you can work out even the worst of situations and fights.

Be honest…atleast to yourself

Don’t collect money like stamps. Its not rare. You can always have it if you are good. Don’t treat family like lizards. Don’t make them feel that their presence is not important. Greed is like an untamed horse. If you don’t have a rope, don’t go near it. Be honest, and do things for a reason. There has to be a method in the madness. If you are hurting someone, then you better have a very very honest reason for it. Not to explain it to the person you are hurting, but to explain it to yourself.

Sorry, Please, I love you, Thank you – The SPIT Rule

I was amused by a certain practice during my initial days in Manchester. Here, when you get down from a bus, you say Thank you to the driver. Now if I imagine such a practice back in India, the driver would choke on tears of happiness and would ram the bus in a tree. Anyways, always follow the SPIT principle. Please, add a please at the end of you sentence. Thank you. They are important words and make a whole lot of difference. It makes the other person feel that you are not a snob, an egotist, an incarnation of Hitler OR insane! 

Learn to forgive and forget and screw the one who is not worth forgiving

Sometimes, it is important to break ties from the past to move forward and to be happy. It’s the hardest thing you might have to do but believe me, its important to maintain the mental balance. Forget a person with a smile and that person won’t haunt you. Try remembering the good times. And if the person is not worth forgiving, then screw the bastard. Some people are so conniving, that its a sin to let them go just like that. Give them a good piece of your mind and kick them out!

Party hard, don’t be a martyr and love thyself

When it is time to paint the town red, then just go ahead and do it. Remember, you have just one life. God, knows on which planet you would end up in your next birth. Maybe you would be a 15 legged monster who would be dripping liquids out of everywhere. So, enjoy your life and sometimes think about yourself before thinking about others. Love yourself. That is the only way you can hope that others will love you.

So, that is all folks. The precious points to lead a sane and happy life and to maintain your balance. If you STILL have any questions, then shoot!

Be sane, be good!

I am

I am the fish whom the eagle caught in his claws and lifted in the sky. A second before I died, I thought I could fly.

I am Heathcliff, the one who could never forgive Catherine all his life but knew that a slight brush of her fingers on his cheek would have melted away the anger.

I am a dollarbird who does not belong to a piece of land, who could see the world from the blue sky and realize that it all seems the same from there – an upturned sky in the night and green blocks of unsolved jigsaw in the mornings.

I am Achilles, who was invincible but with a weakness. His heel is my heart.

I am a witness of the holocaust. The one who saw humans dancing with death, in the warmth of burning flesh.

I am a harbinger of changing times. An amused spectator who watches a dust particle turning into a galaxy and forgets everything.

I am Krishna. The last child who was saved before it was too late. The last one to get out before the gates were slammed shut.

I am an amalgam of Howard Roark and Peter Keating – sometimes a man who couldn’t be and doesn’t know it and sometimes a man who couldn’t be and knows it.

I am the moon who is imperfectly beautiful.

I am a Phoenix, whose destiny is to rise from his own ashes.

I am a promising pariah.

I am the soul who feeds the master when he flies to him. The soul who does not remember anything when he returns back.

Mumbai Attacks : The week that was

It has been a week now since the ruthless attacks. Public anger has never been so omnipresent and neither have our politicians come under such a heavy scrutiny(no wonder they have been royally goofing up and giving tactless statements which is doing nothing less than fuelling the fire). Targeting foreign nationals in the attacks was one foolish move by the terrorists because the whole world is now upon them like red ants. Statements which included words like “Stateless actors” which intended on shrugging off the responsibilities were not bought by anyone and laughed at. Incidences like a movie director taking a walk in the burnt down Taj were blown out of proportion by the media while the public gulped the news in disbelief(Sometimes the media do comes handy).

THE GREAT INDIAN FUMBLE

It had been a week of revelations. A coup de theatre beyond an equal. Two days into the ghastly event and three statements made by our politicians were elemental in converting the tide into a tsunami. 
R.R Patil made a juvenile statement about the incident being a “small one” and dug the grave of his political career. 
BJP Vice President Abbas Naqvi puddled in troubled waters when he made the “women wearing powder and lipstick and burning candles” remark. The audacity of it was that he himself was wearing a coat while he defamed the Indians for aping the west and its an entirely different story that he was asked to comment on something else.  
The icing on the cake came from Kerela’s CM V.S. Achuthanandan who ended up making a statement which could be considered the worst insult someone can inflict on a martyr’s family. Of course, a lot of pressure went into making him apologize but the harm was already done. Sample this:

On the other hand, the attacks opened up the Pandora’s box and everyone from the Intelligence Agencies to the Maharashtra Government and the Center turned a beetroot red. Our PM mumbled a few inaudible statements about setting up a federal spy agency and creating four NSG hubs while the nation came in terms with the fact that the Navy and the Coast Guard ignored the intercept from RAW that these attacks were expected, that the intelligence agencies had informed a year ago that such an attack was in the pipeline and that the U.S. informed India twice about the upcoming sea attack on Mumbai. The Government gave a jaw dropping performance making the citizens realize that their lives really don’t matter. The word politician ended up becoming a swear word and the nation realized that human life was the cheapest commodity in our country.
The way the whole operation was handled also came under the scanner. A minister taking 90 minutes to respond to such a critical situation, the NSG commandos transported from airport in BEST buses and shoved in the 1500 room Taj without any night vision equipment knowing very well that there was no electricity in the hotel and policemen wearing outdated bullet proof jackets was something which the common man was not ready to watch on live television. The crudity of it all was hard hitting.

THE REACTIONS

Israel offered help but India denied it without a second thought. Pakistan Government and media were busy vehemently denying any connection with the attacks. It was not surprising that Pakistan rejected the list sent by India stating that they wanted more proofs. I am sure that even if we dance in front of them with proof in our hands, they will even go to the extend of putting hot rods in their eyes to ignore us. The main accused of the 1993 blasts is still to be handed to us, even after ample proof of his involvement and whereabouts in his plush bungalow in Pakistan, so we can expect some action on this recent event in another 20 years. Ofcourse, there were some sane people who understood the gravity of the situation. You can read three very balanced articles by eminent Pakistani columnists here.

Although people have been dying left right and center in India since ages, the whole world suddenly woke up to the fact because this time the target were foreign nationals too. Atleast 26 of them lost their lives and although Delhi, Jaipur and Ahmadabad had gone through such similar attacks this year, the repercussion which the Mumbai attacks created were something else. Its good in many ways because this time, the “Rice” boiled with a lot of pressure over Pakistan. Lets just hope that the pressure mounts instead of subsiding.

WE THE PEOPLE

I don’t think India has seen such massive reaction from the citizens since a long time. People flooded the roads and the media projected the anger beautifully. For the first time I thought that they were doing something constructive, no matter how melodramatically. Its not just that we are condemning Pakistan(maybe we are too tired to do that now, because its of no use), but this time we were questioning our own security system. I just saw an operation done by a news channel where they were checking the security at one of the Delhi Railway Stations. Nothing has been done and its as vulnerable as it was earlier and that too when there have been reports that Delhi is the next target. A similar operation was done in Mumbai and the policemen were caught napping as a revolver was taken inside the railway station.

We have been pointing fingers at the politicians about being irresponsible but how much cliched it might sound, we have to be the change we want to see. We, as citizens of this nation, are also irresponsible at the grassroot level. Leave alone taking responsibilities about important issues, how many of us don’t bribe traffic police officers, litter of the road, do illegal constructions and break traffic rules? Did we succeed as a generation who considers themselves as Indians first and then something else? Isn’t it ironical that we need a tragedy of such humongous scale to unite us? Oscillating the Government from BJP to Congress and back to BJP is not going to play the trick and we all know that. Both the parties have an equally bad track record. Its the “people” of this nation who have to change, and those “people” include the “politicians” and “all of us”. 

Lets not become this guy who spit all his venom on a Jet air-hostess. Generalizing and putting a whole community in a box is the last thing which we should indulge in right now. Hats off to all those who stood up and actually did something to help the victims. I know one of them and you can find her here. 

FINALLY

Even though India has a go ahead for the air attacks in case the Pakistan Government fails to raise the terrorist camps to the ground, I am not sure if the Indian Government might actually take the step. I hope we don’t forget this incidence like so many other and our Government take the necessary steps without wasting ages to ponder over them. We don’t have that liberty left and it definitely doesn’t work when we end up being called “a known softie”.

Some interesting reads:

Dear Mr. Terrorist

Reflecting on Mumbai

For Heroes of Mumbai, Terror was a call to action

[photograph courtesy Times of India]

The shakable article of faith

Michael Jackson is now Mikaeel after the singer embraced Islam. According to the reports, Jackson discussed religion with a music producer and songwriter of his new album, both of whom have converted to Islam. Michael warmed to the idea and the conversion happened.

This is not the first time when we have seen a celebrity converting to another religion. Half of Hollywood has already converted to Scientology and Quaker and back home A.R. Rehman’s conversion was the most visible one in the past few years. A common man also finds his own reasons for such conversions. Sometimes its for money, sometimes its because of the fear of death, sometimes its for love and sometimes its because of unanswered question which the present faith can’t answer.

Leaving aside the topic of Forced Conversions, according to this very elaborate survey done by The Pew Forum, 28% of American adults have left their faith in which they were born in favour of another. If the change of affiliation from one form of Protestantism to another is included, the percentage stands at a staggering 44%. Also the number of people who do not attach themselves to any faith have increased.

So, what is the big deal about changing religion and why do people indulge in the activity? Most of the children who are born to parents practicing a single faith, tend to accept the religion. The children born to parents with mixed religions tend to change their faith to an entirely new one because to the conflicts and confusions in their mind. It is nothing more than a mean of ironing out the complexities into which they were born. The whole idea of changing the religion stem out of the fact that people strive to smooth out their lives. It has more to do with psychology rather than pragmatism. It has more to do with finding an anchor.

I also believe that once a person has converted, he begins to subconsciously unclog his life. For e.g. the person can be a true blue dipsomaniac but might tend to leave the habit after conversion. This is something he could have done without converting but maybe he just needed a driving force. This does not mean that we can ask questions like – “So, would I be better off if I convert to another faith?”. The question should be – “Do I have to convert to another faith to be better off?”. Most of the times, the answer would be No, but as I pointed out earlier, some people do need a strong driving force, specially when their life had been turbulent.

Another aspect which raises its hood after conversions is – “How much does the life of the person change?” You can read the story of five people who converted to Islam here. Yes, the person has to go through a tough process of making the family and friends understand specially when the religions had always been conflicting. Sometimes, when the person converts for love, its hard to make the family understand specially when they realize that its the whole persona which is going to change.

Ofcourse, I must emphasise that I somehow don’t subscribe to the thought process which might lead to a conversion. To me, its something similar to changing your shampoo brand. Its still a shampoo which you are rubbing on your head! I somehow don’t connect to the idea of religion playing such an important part in my life and thus this whole topic fascinates me. I have been to a Church, a Gurudwara and a Temple and I could not find much of a difference. We pray in all of them for a better life. I could not grasp the idea where people stop calling God by a certain name and start calling him by another one. But I would love to meet a convert and understand his point of view.

Have you ever known a person who has converted from one religion to another?

Two interesting links which I found -

The Big Religion Chart

The Psychology of Religious Conversion

The Cage

I was sitting on a mat spread lazily on the lush green grass surrounding India Gate when the cage appeared for the first time. It was a sunny winter afternoon and I was in a mood to sketch. My ten months old son was sleeping in a pram besides me while I had sent my husband to bring me an ice-cream. My husband laughed as he closed his laptop and got up because he too loved to eat ice-creams in winters, although they were hard to get. As I took out my drawing pad and pencils and looked at the majestic India Gate, I saw the cage appear in front of it, hanging in mid air.

It was white and big enough to accommodate at least five men. As people noticed it, then dropped whatever they were doing and started to walk towards it, as if in a trance. I too got up when my husband suddenly appeared and took my hand to stop me. I turned and saw two ice-creams in his hand. The traffic too stopped moving after a few seconds. While the murmurs were gaining momentum, the sky suddenly turned dark. It remained pitch black for a few seconds and then all the colours of a rainbow were splashed all over it, moving like molted lava. Something very similar to the play of colors we see when we pour oil over water. And then that thunderous voice which appeared to be coming from everywhere and nowhere.

“I have placed 100 similar cages all over the world. These cages will be utilized to cleanse the Earth. I have given all of you enough chances but a few more years and I can kiss goodbye to any hopes of a better Earth. Over the next few months, the world will be in a huge turmoil but I am sure that those who will be left behind will be wise enough to find a path amongst the self inflicted human complexities. The ones, of whom the Earth would be cleansed are those who are devoid of even an iota of love and respect for the fellow Earthlings. Terrorists, rapists, molesters, poachers, murderers, drug dealers, corrupt leaders and corrupt Businessmen are the ones who would enter the cages first. All those who have even a small fraction of purity left in them and whom I consider worthy of creating a better future, will stay. All the cages will always remain on the Earth reminding you of what you all have become! As a parting shot, let me also inform you that I am removing all the weapons from the world. Goodbye.“

The skies cleared and for a second it seemed as if it was a bad dream but the cage was still there, hanging in mid air and emphasising the reality. There was such an eerie silence that it seemed as if the Earth had stopped rotating. They say that everyone on Earth heard that voice in the language they understood. I heard it in Hindi while the British tourist standing next to me heard it in English. That was the day when the world stopped and screamed afterwards.

Suddenly a man appeared from thin air inside the cage. He started screaming the moment he realised where he was. He was pleading and asking for help from the bewildered crowd staring at him. The cage started changing colours and turned to orange. Amidst shock and terror, we all realised what was happening. The cage was heating up. The man started jumping up and down to find a cool spot to stand but soon his skin started to stick to the hot base. He grabbed the bars to pull up his legs but his hands got glued to the hot bars. The cage was turning red and the man was melting sending an overpowering stench of burned flesh amidst painful screams for help. My son was wide awake by now and started crying. My husband took my hand and we moved towards our car to get out of there. We sat in the car for five hours before the traffic finally started moving. By that time, the cage at India Gate had taken 300 lives and the screams were ringing in my ears. 30000 people had vanished from the face of the Earth in those five hours. The cage was killing one person every minute. 

*  *  *  *

On the third day from the beginning of the killings, my husband confided in me. He told me that as an eminent businessman of the city, he has given and accepted bribes numerous times. I sat there and listened to what he had to say. I knew all this already but I had accepted him the way he was because I knew that he was beyond repair. 

“I am transferring everything to your name. I might be gone any second. Please bring up my son to be a good man. Not someone like me. I am sorry, sorry for everything.”, he said as tears welled up in his eyes. He cried bitterly that night. For the first time, I felt sorry for him and cried with him. All the property was transferred to my name within the next 15 days. Although I wondered about the worth of all that within a year. 

*  *  *  *

By the end of a year 52,560,000 people were dead. Many of them were notorious criminals and eminent politicians. The world was in a chaos. The stock markets crashed, armies of all the countries were now unemployed and a few countries were left completely leaderless. Some people tried to destroy the cages, while some turned into believers. Despite the chaos, there was a serenity. A tacit calm. People were good to each other. They were hopeful that despite of what they had done in the past, Gods would spare them if they behave themselves now. Fear was driving people to love each other. 

My husband vanished 14 months after the killings started. That day we were having breakfast and talking about our son’s birthday celebrations when he disappeared from his chair mid sentence. I stared at the unfinished toast and the half filled cup of tea for a long time as I didn’t had the courage to switch on the television and see him melt. Those fourteen months were the best time of our marriage. He had completely transformed and I had fallen in love with him.

*  *  *  *

It took the world 30 years to come back to order. Yes, we survived somehow. It became a beautiful place to live eventually. The generation who is running the world now is of my son’s age and they are brought up in an environment were “love” is the only word, the only possible solution. My son got married some years back and I am a grandma now. I had never believed in happily-ever-afters but I am living one now. Of course, I miss my husband at times. I still have that cup and plate in which he had his last breakfast.

And yes, the cage is still there at India Gate. Its a part of that monument now, a part of our existence. But I don’t remember if it has been used since a long time. I go to India Gate at times to have a look at it. To remember the day when the sky turned into a molten rainbow.

Remembering Ravan

There is a park across my house where Ramlila happens every year and then on the day of Dussehra, the huge effigy of Ravan stuffed with firecrackers is burnt. On the auspicious day, a huge crowd gathers in the park and on the highest floor of the nearby buildings to be a part of the ritual. Ravan is one character in Ramayan which has always intrigued me. So on this day of Dussehra, I thought of doing some research on the Demon King and stumbled upon many rather unknown facts about him (they were unknown to me at least) which I would like to share with all of you.

• Ravan was the great-grandson of the creator of the universe, Brahma and son of the Brahamana sage Vishrava and younger brother of Kubera(the deity of wealth). His mother, Kaikesi was an asura. Kaikesi’s father Sumali wanted her to marry the most powerful man in the world so that he gets an exceptional heir. He kept on rejecting many kings but in the end Kaikesi chose Vishrava to marry. Ravan was hence half Brahmin and half Asura.
• Ravan’s original name was Dasamukha. Following his conquest of Lanka, Ravana went to appease Lord Shiva at his abode in Kailash. Unknowingly and whimsically Ravana attempted to uproot the mountain Kailash. Shiva was annoyed by Ravana`s adamant nature and pressed his little toe under the mountain and pinned him firmly. Ravana cried out in pain so loudly that whole world shook in earthquake. He started to appease Shiva until Shiva was satisfied and made him free from the bondage. Shiva was so impressed by Ravana`s bravery and devotion that he gifted him a powerful sword known as Chandrahas (moon blade). Ravana became a life long devotee of Lord Shiva. Ravana was famous for his dance worship, which is called `Shiva Tandava Stotra`. Shiva was pleased by his dance and named him as Ravana, which means `one who roars terrifyingly`. More on this  – here.
• Ravana also performed an intense penance to Brahma (the creator god), lasting several years. Pleased with him, Brahma offered him a boon. Ravana asked for immortality, which Brahma refused saying everyone has to die someday. Ravana then asked for absolute invulnerability and supremacy before gods and heavenly spirits, other demons, serpents and wild beasts. Contemptuous of mortal men, he did not ask for protection from them(that is why Lord Vishnu incarnated himself as a human in the form of Lord Ram to kill Ravan). Brahma granted him these boons, and additionally great strength by way of knowledge of divine weapons and sorcery.
• Lanka(the city made of gold) was designed by Vishwakarma for Kuber who was Ravan’s brother. Ravan demanded Lanka from him and Vishrava also advised Kuber to hand over the city to Ravan as he was completely undefeatable by now. Lanka florished under Ravan’s rule as he was a very able king.
• Initially Ravan used to force himself upon any woman who rejected his advances. One such incidence was with the sage-woman called Vedavati. Vedavati was performing a yagya to appease Lord Vishnu to marry her when Ravana met her at her hermitage. She, however, rejected his advances. After mocking her dedication to Vishnu and her penance, he attacked her, viciously, by pulling her hair. Her chastity and reputation destroyed, Vedavati immolates herself by building a pyre, while Ravana watched. The second was his encounter with the apsara Rambha, upon whom he forced himself. Rambha was betrothed to Kubera‘s son, but Ravana did not cared. Angered at this, Kubera’s son cursed Ravana that his ten heads would fall off his head if he forced himself upon any woman from that point. This curse is said to have protected Sita’s chastity while she was Ravana’s captive for nearly a year.
• Ravan also acquired the capacity to change his form, and in the Ramayana he is described as having ten heads and twenty arms. He was endowed with the strength of moving the seas and splitting the tops of mountains. Ravana’s body bore all the marks of one who had fought the devas: the thunderbolt of Indra, the tusks of Indra’s elephant Airavata, and the discus of Vishnu had all scarred him.
• In the Bhagavata Purana, Ravana and his brother, Kumbakarna were said to be reincarnations of Jaya and Vijaya, gatekeepers at Vaikuntha, the abode of Vishnu and were cursed to be born in Earth for their insolence. These gatekeepers refused entry to the Sanatha Kumara monks, who, because of their powers and austerity appeared as young children. For their insolence, the monks cursed them to be expelled from Vaikunta and to be born in Earth. The all-merciful Vishnu agreed that they should be punished but agreed to mitigate their curse. He asked them whether they would want to be undergo seven births as devotees of Vishnu or three births as enemies of the Lord. Since they wanted to get back as soon as possible, they agreed to be born in three births as enemies of God. In the first birth, Jaya and Vijaya were born as Hiranyakashipu and Hiranyaksha. Vishnu incarnated as Varaha and Narasimha and killed them both. In Treta Yuga they were born as Ravana and Kumbhakarna and were killed by Rama. Then in Dwapara yuga, and in their final birth, Jaya and Vijaya they were born as Shishupala and Dantavakra and killed by Sri Krishna. After the end of three births, they returned to Vaikunta.

So that’s all folks. Happy Dussehra to all of you!

[ p.s. I have picked many of the points from Wikipedia and some random searches from Google]

Raping bonanza in Orissa!!!

Can’t find a woman to quench your testosterone buildup?? If you are in India and you could still not find a woman to rape, then you are a fool. Be smart and move to Orissa NOW!!! The Raping festival is in full swing there. On reaching Orissa, whereever you see a mindless, directionless and a salivating mob who is chanting – Bharat “Mata” ki Jai(Long live Mother India) while they run from Church to Church in search of Nuns to rape, go ahead and blend into it. Don’t be afraid!!!! You won’t be caught. While you insert your tool inside the woman pleading on the ground, the police will be standing there, but they will just smoke some cigarettes and watch the whole scene as one watches cheap porn movies and after you have finished the paisa wasool entertainer, they will just move into the bushes to jerk off their pleasures. And wait!!! There is more. You can later strip the Nun completely naked and march her in the streets which shouting – Bharat “Mata” ki Jai! This is important, because that is how you can put a communal color on the whole incidence. THAT is how you can justify the rape. Its for Hindutwa, for our beloved Mother India. Does it sounds ironical? To save an imaginary woman, you are raping a real one? But then how does it matter to you? You satiated your hunger. No one caught you and you had all the right reasons. Nuns belong to a minority group and no one is going to care anyways. The last time it happened, the Orissa Government took 38 days to admit it. If someone asks you the group to which you belong, just name Bajrang Dal or Vishwa Hindu Parishad. No one will touch you with a barge pole after that.

And ofcourse, if you can’t find Nuns, you can rape Hindu girls too. Later, you can just say – “Oops!!! I thought she was a Christian! Sorry!”

No matter how much satire I try to imbibe in the post, I still could not capture an iota of the agony which the Christian community is going through right now. I am a Hindu and I hate the way we arm-twist every minority community in India. I have started hating the whole idea of religion. Is there a minority group which we have spared? Its hard to believe that the most ancient and sacred religion in the world is so fragile that we need to rape women to maintain its sanctity.

All this could have been stopped if there would have been a political will to stop it. But as we all know, it isn’t there. I wonder how the government was so prompt to act on the Delhi Bomb Blasts? Why didn’t it took them 38 days to acknowledge it? Because it was not aimed at the minorities? Because the vote bank was angry? The Center is “Unhappy” with the Naveen Patnaik Government for the violence in the state. Unhappy?? Excuse me?? And then later there was a “pass the muck” competition between the Centre and the State government.

Centre – We sent 7000 personnel of central para-military forces to curb the riots.

State – The forces and helicopters were not sent on “crucial” days.

I felt like puking when I read this. Are these the leaders whom we selected to run our nation? Why do our leaders think too much before taking a decision? By the time the Ministers would stop mulling over whether President’s Rule be imposed or not, do they realise that a number of people would have died? Why do we wait for people to die before spurring to action? Our Ministers are not even capable of taking defensive measures, leave alone an offensive one.

If Mother India ever existed, she would have already drowned in the blood of thousands of “INDIANS” we have already butchered for our own personal gains(and pleasures) while we shouted her name. And we have stained Hinduism so much that we don’t even remember what it meant.

Bharat Mata ki Jai. Indeed!!!

Delhi Bomb Blasts – A pigeon’s view

Hi. My name is Sherley. I am a pigeon and I have been born and brought up in a place called Delhi. I can speak and read English, just like Dory in Finding Nemo. I have known Amit from the last two months. I come to eat grains on his terrace where his mom put the grains every morning. We have been friends since then. He tells me about his life and I tell him about mine(although there isn’t much to tell from my side except my affairs).

Yesterday I was flying over a place which they called Connaught Place. It was a beautiful place with lights, fountains and smiling people enjoying themselves. Suddenly there was a blinding flash of light(which Amit termed as a bomb blast later, although I am still not sure how they do that) and everything turned dark. People were running here and there. There was chaos. People were dying. I sat on a building watching the scene below and trying to understand what was happening. I heard someone say that there were more blasts. More blood. More people died.

My mind was in a whirlpool. I asked Amit about it the next day. He was very angry. He told me that all this was happening for a piece of land. He said that we should give back that wretched land which has taken so many lives and ask all the terrorists to fu*k off.

“Will people stop dying then?”, I asked him.

“It’s not that easy. Even if India separates from that chunk, other people will start demanding for their separate lands and then we will be having terrorists from some other places killing people who don’t give a shit about all this. People who just want to live happily with their families, buy groceries, get married and have kids.”, he said.

He told me that humans can’t live in an Utopian society. It won’t work. He asked me if I was able to understand what he was saying. I told him very frankly that none of this made much sense to me. We fight only for females. If a pigeon has made a nest on a tree, no other pigeon will come and kill him to occupy that nest. True that cats kill us, but they are a different specie and we are their food. They don’t kill us for fun.

They say that 30 people died yesterday. People who were just out there buying something or having a good time with their family. Amit was not smiling no matter how good a joke I told him to cheer him up. He asked me to leave him alone for some time. I asked him to take care and flew to a high branch. As I saw the crowd of humans below, I was fascinated by their lifestyle. They have made such great inventions. They have cars, TV, medicines, mobiles, movies, aeroplanes, rockets and so many other things which my species cannot even think of conceptualising. But then what is the point of having all this when you can’t trust your own species. A pigeon lives in the fear that a cat might kill him. A human lives in the fear that another human might kill him. Isn’t that a pity?

Amit once told me that he could never understand why God took away the Dinosaurs. He said that they were more intelligent than humans. I think he is right because from what I saw yesterday, I think even a mosquito is more intelligent. Too much of a brain is a bad thing, I guess. It allows you to divide all that which does not need division. It allows you to create all that which should have never been created. It allows you to be turned into someone who should never have existed.

Thank God I am a pigeon. A “stupid” bird who just eats, sleeps, have sex and bring up their kids. A very boring life by human standards. *chuckles*

Now off I go to fly high in the free sky.

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