Mashed Musings

Have you ever come across a situation when you want to laugh out loud but somehow have to hold yourself back because you know that if you start laughing

• You will fall off the chair.
• Collect the whole staff in the office.
• Your cachinnation might crack the glass door.
• You might choke yourself while tears run down your eyes.

So, you sit there like a lost pup trying to make sense of the rapid sentences falling on your ears. You try to arrange the words to understand the hidden meaning but by the time you grasp it, another convulsive sentence hit your eardrums. Something of this nature happened with yours truly and two of my friends when we decided to meet an agent to buy some Mutual Funds. We hopped into his office at around 7 pm and as soon as he opened his mouth, another of his colleague entered the discussion room and thus ensured the roller coaster ride. No malicious intentions, but you have to read some of his Quotable Quotes. He was fun to be with and was quite intelligent which stems from the fact that he started his introduction by saying the following line - “My colleague here is very intelligent, but, actually what I want to say is….” Throughout the next 2.5 hours, I wished for a Taser to materialize from somewhere, so that I could stun him every time he went off-topic.

So, here are some of the Quotes which describe the exact reason to buy Mutual Funds. There are no intentional mistakes. The lines are straight from the horse’s mouth :

• “You will die in five years. You will rash driving, drink and driving. You will die. Mutual Funds is not only ok. Your family need insurance too.” [We gave a collective gasp at the first sentence.]
• “I did research. You know how much a Tea stall wala earns? 5-15 lakh earning. He is wearing dirty clothes and pee-pull[people] with suits come to him and think that he is poor.” [Tea stall wala and Mutual Funds? The purpose of the quote was completely lost, but we still smiled and nodded our heads.]
• “Boys come to me for discussions but then they go and spend 20,000 on 4 girls. Girls are always selling boys. But girls are Pakka. They save money.” [girls selling boys???]
• “I don’t deal with girls. Girls always asking fathers. Fathers sitting in remote villages. They tell girls - take LIC, why do spend in Funds. Fathers don’t know anything but girls always believe them.” [ I just wanted to shake him and scream - CAN WE GET TO THE POINT???]
• Pee-pull[people] spend so much money. Globes[Globus], Lui Philip[Louis Phillip], MutthuBishi Lancer[Mitsubishi lancer], big house. They want everything. I buy refrigerator last month. I did one swoosh[he meant that he swiped his credit card] and there was fridge. [By now I was biting my tongue so that I don't laugh the next time he says pee-pull]
• Marriage very expensive. My one friend wanted to go to KuluManli for Honeymoon. His wife said we go to Mauritius. He said I have no money. His wife said, You beggar, I will give money. We go to Mauritius. [This one completely got me. I gave him such a shocked expression that he took it to be a genuine concern for his friend.]
• After marrige, your haircut cost 25 Rs, your wife haircut cost 500 Rs, your child playschool cost 50,000 Rs. You have no money. You ask fathers. He give money to grandchildren. Why will he give money to you? [ I was holding an imaginary knife and stabbing myself ]
• Life expectancy very less. I worked in Java, I got everything on table. Food on table, water on table. I was very handsome. Not handsome, but smart. But now look at me. I am having this belly with a child in it. [Thankfully my phone rang and I ran out of the room. I just couldn't hold it any longer.]
• A few days ago one of my friend go to Pondicherry to see movie. We don’t have halls in Chennai? He went for 2 days and spent 7000 Rs for the entertainment of the purpose(!!!!). Pee-pull[people] don’t save but they only do “swoosh”. [Now after discussing his personal life, he was pounding on his friend's]
• Unprofessional I dont work. The three of you can get me murdered. You pee-pull have already wasted 21 years in education. It is your money. [ ]

We waited with bated breath for another pearl of wisdom to drop out of his mouth. But he thankfully stopped. It was 9.30 pm now and we were damn hungry. We quickly signed all the necessary papers and burst out of the building taking deep breaths. As soon as we landed into the autorikshaw, we guffawed our hearts out, stunning the driver in the process. He must have thought that we were drunk. He turned once to check if everything was all right.

The Idiosyncracies of pee-pull. Huh!!!

Forced Incest

While jumping through news sites, one of my friend pointed out the Josef Fritzl’s case. The story made me gasp in horror. Fritzl has been repeatedly raping his daughter from the past twenty years and has fathered seven children with her, out of which six are surviving. Fritzl has been keeping his daughter a prisoner in the basement of his house while his son and wife were unaware of his deed. You can read the complete story here. One of the six children named Kerstin Fritzl has been suffering from epilepsy and has been put into a clinically induced coma. Two other boys named Stefan and Felix are coping up with sunlight and open spaces after been confined to a dark closed space for such a long time.

What shocked me was the ruthless way in which all of this was carried out. Josef Fritzl has been depicted as the most inhuman monster mankind has ever known. While rummaging through Internet to gain insight into this horrendous crime, I came across another aspect of the story where the monster was the victim. According to this report, Fritzl himself was brought up by a very temperamental mother and was subjected to brutal abuses. This somehow explains the mental imbalance and the psychological effect of his growing up years which would have lead him to commit this crime. Somehow he lost the power to feel sympathy towards anyone and even abused his own wife after their marriage. Time would tell the fate of Fritlz but its hard to imagine the trauma of his daughter and the children. Most of the psychiatrists are quite doubtful about the future of the children as it might take at least four to eight years of intensive therapy for them to return back to a normal life. Incest victims generally suffer from low self esteem, depression, anxiety, difficulty in relationships, sexual malfunction and personality disorders to name a few.

What Fritzl did is something unpardonable as it was forced and ruthless. While reading Archana’s post, I realised that such incidences are not something uncommon, although not so extreme in nature but equally disturbing. While googling, I came across another aspect of Incest which will be equally shocking for most of us.

Consensual Incest

Consider the following stories :

• A German couple Patrick Stuebing and Susan Karolewski are fighting the law. Patrick is Susan’s brother and they have four children. Patrick has already served a jail sentence of two years as Adult Incest is against the law in Germany. Their first three kids have been taken away from them are are living with their foster parents. You can read the full story here.
• Woody Allen married his former lover, Mia Farrow’s adopted daughter Soon-Yi Previn who is 35 years younger to him. Farrow and Allen were dating for almost a decade when she found out of his relationship with her adopted daughter. You can read the story here. Although this is not a pure case of Incest per se, but Allen was a father figure to the Farrow kids ever since Previn was in her pre-teens.
• John Deaves and his daughter Jenny admitted to having incestuous relationship and the couple have a nine month old daughter. They are permitted to see each other but can’t have sexual relationship. You can read the story here.
• Ancient civilizations like Egyptian, Roman and Greek allowed incestuous links, specially in the royal families. It is said that Cleopatra herself married many of her brothers.
• There are tribes in Africa which practice “Internal Reproduction” which ensures that the tribe survives. They don’t look at it as Incest but as a survival technique.

All these stories and facts underline the role which culture and Jurisdiction play to make Consensual Incest punishable. There are some religions which allow marriage with cousins and distant relatives while some allows marriage in the same cast but not in the same family tree.

The issue of legalizing incest is being raised again and again against the age old taboo. The question being asked is that if same sex marriages and Prostitution can be legalized in some countries, then why not Consensual Incest? How can a consensual activity between two adults be criminal?

Scientifically, it was argued that members of a family belong to the same gene pool, so the probability of defects and diseases increase. This can become more severe if the inbreeding is allowed for several generations. But a recent study reveals that children of unrelated parents have a 3% to 4% risk of having serious birth defects, while the offspring of first cousins have only a slightly higher risk of about 4% to 7%. This has again turned the tide against the present laws in many countries.

Conclusion

Surely, what Fritzl did is a punishable offence but there is a debate over how the prevailing laws need to be modified to put Forced and Consensual Incest in two separate boxes. The quintessential questions(in case of Consensual Incest) still remains - Is the modern society of any country ready for such a relationship between two consenting adults or will they still be treated as outcasts? Is it just a matter of how we choose to live or how we choose to live in a society? Different people will look at the issue with different angles. Some might find it completely wrong morally and ethically while some might have an I-don’t-care attitude towards it.

What do you think?

p.s. For the latest developments on the Fritzl case, you can read this.

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When you start believing that life can’t get worst, it suddenly does.

This is what how an experience like Tashan can be summed up after watching movies like Race and U Me Aur Hum. Race at least had a constant oomph factor oozing out of each frame and an over-doze of twists and turns to make it watchable. Tashan looks like a mockery of the Indian audience, if nothing else. It made me believe that the Indian directors take me as a chimpanzee who will watch anything shown to him with great amazement and awe.

The movie revolves around four characters - Jimmy (Saif Ali Khan) who is a call centre executive and who learns to fire/dodge bullets as easily as someone learns to brush, Pooja (Kareena Kapoor) who works for Bhaiyyaji and who breaks into a sizzling hot number in a bikini just before submerging her father’s ashes in water, Bachchan Pandey (Akshay Kumar) who is a small time gangster and completely incapable of saying I love you to his lady love and finally Bhaiyyaji (Anil Kapoor) who is a notorious gangster hellbent on learning English and kills people with any sports equipment he can lay his hands on.

Tashan is an onion of problems. You can peel off layers and layers of them. Jimmy is so naive that he can’t make out that something is wrong when he sees a bag full of money fall off Pooja’s hands. Bhaiyyaji is one of the most irritating characters in the history of Indian Cinema and Anil Kapoor could have been nominated for the Indian Razzies, if they could have existed. Pooja is called a “bitch” so many times in the movie that Kareena’s grandchildren would be really embarrassed if they ever happen to watch the movie.

Tashan does not have a story. It seems like a rip off from Roop Ki Rani Choron Ka Raja, specially in the climax. And, oh yes, you would have to be really strong to bear the climax. Its the ultimate patience test ever created by Bollywood. The fight sequences are hilarious as you would have never seen heroes dodge so many bullets or jumping like a monkey on walls or ending up riding a water scooter in a gutter(kind of). Its unbelievable and sheer torture. Its amazing how our stars agree to do such scenes.

I would have rated the movie 1 out of five, but I would add another 0.5 for Kareena who is looking sizzling hot in all the scenes. Your heart would definitely skip a beat while watching her dance in “Chaliya” and “Dil Haara”. This 0.5 addition to the rating is also because of the comic scenes between Saif, Akshay and Kareena. Atleast they managed to make the audience laugh, even if it was ephemeral. And, yes, if you are going to watch the movie to see the latest hot pair of Bollywood in action, then forget it. Kareena is paired opposite Akshay and her love story with Saif ends in a blink in the first half.

An appeal to the director Vijay Krishna Acharya - Please come out of the mindset that Indian audience can’t digest a movie without over the top comic characters (like Anil’s) or fight sequences straight out of Marvel comic strips or without the thin waistline of the heroine on display. We are tired of giving the proof time and again, that we are ready for sensible and serious cinema.

One last word - After watching Tashan, I believe that Race should be sent for the Oscars.

Rating - 1.5/5

Director - Vijay Krishna Acharya

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Warning : This post is not for the weak hearted. You might experience nausea or temporary coma/shock after watching the disturbing images. Please keep a glass of water with you before reading further.

What you are viewing are the glorious images from the top Indian News channels. For those of you who are not very much conversant with Hindi, the translations are just below the images.

From top to bottom : Commissioner Sahib’s dog found, Where is Sanif ? ( This is hopefully the dog’s name), The dog was kidnapped(??!!!) on 5 November 2007, Delhi Commissioner’s dog found (This line is just below Breaking News)

From top to bottom : Commissioner’s dog, The Dog went missing on 25 March (Errrr….wasn’t it 5 November earlier???)

From top to bottom : Queen cat on rooftop ( Well…its not a “queen” cat actually, but in India we have a habit of calling cats/girls/brides that way. ), the drama(of the cat, that is) lasted for 6.5 hours.

The last line is some “irrelevant” news on Amitabh and Thakery, neither of whom is related to the queen cat in any way.

From top to bottom : The cat jumped down finally on its own ( What were they expecting? That she will develope wings and fly away??? ), Cat stuck on rooftop (the “queen” part has vanished by now).

The last line is again some gibberish nonsense news which I am quite sure is not about the cat.

The first reaction on watching the images is a loud laugh but then if we think seriously, what are we looking at? Aren’t we somehow responsible of this Grendel? Or are the news channels taking the masses too lightly and trying their patience? Aaj Tak has been awarded the Indian Television Academy’s Best Hindi News Channel six times in a row and has a viewership exceeding 45 million and is closely followed by Star News in terms of viewership, but this does not stop them from being pedestrian. Does it?

Indulging in infotainment is understandable (but not justifiable) where the focus is on marketing and TRPs instead of journalism, but this kind of “breaking news” does not even come in this category. Do the news channels run out of relevant news (which is a hard feat to achieve, specially in India)? Or do they think that the Indian masses are so downright dumb that they will lap up anything served to them? Or is the “Indian mentality” of spicing up everything for its own vicarious thrills taking its toll?

According to a poll conducted by BBC/Reuters/Media Center, Media is more trusted than Governments. In India, 82% of the people who took part in the poll trusted media more than the Government. The most important news source for Indians are the News channels(mentioned by 37%), followed by newspapers. When asked about the most trusted News channel, Aaj Tak won hands on. And then what are we served? Breaking news about lost dogs and terrified cats?

Does these news channels realise the kind of responsibilities they are supposed to handle and the unabashed mockery they make of it?

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