10 Disadvantages of being a Male

tired man

It is not easy being a man. Today when India is hit by a tsunami of Feminism, the men stand at crossroads. Should we jump in too and let go the flood of tears we have been holding since decades? We too have problems with the way the world and nature treats us. It is just that we bear our burdens in silence.

Here are the 10 biggest disadvantages of being a male.

No homemaking

There are times when we don’t feel like slogging. There are times when we are tired of wiping our boss’s spit from our face when he has finished shouting. We have to carry on the mundane task of being a cash machine. We are not even allowed to think about the alternative of letting our wives take that responsibility. How we wish to puff those pillows, dust those expensive showpiece, make dinner, raise our kids and be a perfect homemaker, but all those are distant dreams.

The Tennis Ball

Do you realize the kind of pressure we undergo when Momma and Mate pull us from both the ends? We are not allowed to sit and watch the tennis match between the two ladies because we are that ball. That ball, which is smacked violently and repeatedly in this never-ending match. We are supposed to take sides. Our eardrums hurt.

Road runner

There is always a war on the roads in India. A woman driver is given space and respect because everyone in her vicinity thinks that they will die otherwise. Men on the other hand have to jostle for each and every inch of a road amidst roaring honks and glaring swearwords. We are all Gladiators ready to beat the daylights out of each other.

Probably a rapist/child molester

We are at the end of our tethers trying to duck every woman and child out of our way. A slight brush of our hand on a woman’s skirt and we might be under a hailstorm of sandals. We might talk to a child with a smile and we might end up being pasted to the road by the his father’s SUV. Do you know how straining living like this is? We are a human bomb walking on needles. Of course there is the other end of the spectrum too, but they are more animals than men.

rugby-concussion-demotivational-posShares. Stocks. Bonds. Budget.

Men are supposed to act smart. Even if we believe that shares are sung in a Mushaira and Bonds is the name given to all the girls who bonded with James Bond, we are supposed to act like Harshad Mehta. We should follow the rise and fall of the stock market like a Bollywood actress’s bosoms in a dance number. The latest budget should be on our tips if we want some respect.

Under a lens. Always.

Ever since we open our eyes, we are under constant scrutiny. Our parents burden us with all their unfulfilled dreams as if we are a cargo ship. Then we spend the rest of our lives dodging our wives as they suspiciously go through our shirts for a whiff of an affair, our bosses as they take a smelly dump on our career and our children who start treating us as losers the moment they develop sex organs. When we are old, the nurse treats us as an unwanted cockroach that she is too scared to crush under her feet. Ditto for our children.

Sports Journal

Even though the only sport we are good at is the in-the-night-no-control types, we are supposed to have passionate knowledge about a sport, preferably cricket. God forbid if we confess that we are not interested in it or do not remember the color of the underwear Sachin wore in an unforgettable 1993 series, we will be immediately shunned like a woman carrying an illegitimate child. Knowing about Soccer, Baseball and Rugby is an added advantage. It is not easy to be a walking encyclopedia on sports when all you really like is burgers and breasts.

The rise and fall of Junior

The problem with junior is that it is like an alien entity attached between our legs. Like the Ring of the dark Lord, it has a will of its own. It sometimes rises with the Sun and refuses to subside. It refuses to rise and shine when it is actually required to because of performance issues. It rises at the most inappropriate of places and thus has to be covered up with whatever props we can muster – a book, a lost puppy, a bowl snatched from a beggar. Compare this to women – they might be aroused even in a funeral and not a single soul will know. They could be walking on the street, sitting in a bus or sleeping in a room full of guests and no one will ever point at a hill between their legs and laugh. Oh! The pleasure of that freedom!

Facade

Since childhood we are brainwashed into being a real man who don’t cry, who does not take but give emotional support and who can break a jaw at the drop of a hat. Basically we should be robotic providers who do not go beyond a Hmmm when our children run towards us screaming that they have been selected in IIT. It is taxing. We feel desperately like crying at times, we sometimes wish we could treat our children as friends, sit with our wives and pour our heart out but we can’t. We feel unmanly with the mere thought of it. Instead we get drunk and scream swearwords at strangers on roads.

Dispensable. Always.

jack-and-rose-fit-on-wooden-door

Yes! She could have saved him!

What boils our blood is that whenever a tragedy strikes or there is a war, we are the ones who are left to die. Women and children are the first ones to be saved. If time and situation permits, men are given a thought. Remember when the Titanic sank? Men were left on that sinking shit while women and children sat on lifeboats and saw the show. Rose had a whole goddamn wooden plank! Why are we always so dispensable? Just because we are in excess and selectively chosen over girls to live does not mean we don’t have a life and can be treated like a street dog.

So you see, it isn’t all that rosy for us men too. The world has been subjugating us in its own way. Nature have had it’s revenge too as we can’t even have pleasure at our own convenience. We are living in unbreakable molds like a Mummy and there is no escape.

[image from 1,2,3]

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87 comments on “10 Disadvantages of being a Male

  1. Who said life is a bed of roses for men? Compared to the fairer sex, we are like melons who are the ones that get hurt in a skirmish with daggers. One Hundred and Ten deep bows to you, Amit: One each for those nine points; one hundred and one for ‘the rise and fall of the junior’! Carry on, Crusader!

    • Yes, there is no respite for us. We are flung from one complication to another and are not supposed to complain.
      The case of Junior is close to my heart. I intend to write a full post on the topic in the near future. It is not only females who have been betrayed by nature.

  2. Ouch, I am totally with you bro! It feels like a continuation of Suresh’s post. I am happy that more of you are speaking about it. I have always maintained that feminist or women’s rights does not naturally translate into being anti-men. As you have ably pointed out, each gender has its own problems to grapple with.

    • Thanks Rachna. I don’t believe that our problems are created by women specifically. They stem from the kind of society we live in and the unnecessary expectations from us. The kind of unrealistic expectations we have from men is one of the major root cause.

      • No I didn’t imply that your problems are created by females. I meant that anti-women sentiments will not ease your stereotypes. As I see it, it is the patriarchal society rules that adversely affects both men and women and each differently.

        • I hardly believe that the anti women sentiments in India are because we hate our stereotypes. It’s for an entirely opposite reason. We love to see people stereotyped. The men who try to break those chains are equally hated. So yes I agree that it is a major fault in the kind of society we live in.

  3. The sad story of being a male! I hope your analysis is picked up by Science and JAMA – your research has nailed the reasons why men die earlier than women!

  4. A kind of anger exudes from each word . Still it’s funny 🐯rise and fall . Lol .. Ya not All men should be generalized but it so happens that demarcation gets tough and people tend to look at every one with doubtful eyes making those men’s life miserable !! Few even look at a person sharing a seat in a flight with hatred filled eyes
    So I understand the pain behind each and every word but what yu r saying is mostly Indian scenario . In some places abroad men work at home and women in office if situation demands but as a child has mothers need majorly may be its generally designed like that ! Men r thought to be physically strong hence I guess women and children come fast but I know it’s in justice and every life is equally valuable :)
    Anyway good post . Enjoyed it
    I personally believe it’s ok if men cry at times if some thing is so hurting . Women are also strong enough to give a warm shoulder to lean on ;)

      • Since some of the worse crime against women are committed in our country, all the men are looked down upon with suspicious. I am not blaming anyone here, but it does get stressful to be cautious all the time and to make sure that we don’t offend anyone.
        Yes, the scenarios mentioned here are more applicable to Indian men.
        And we men cry all the time. It is just that we are not allowed to cry in front of others. It is considered unmanly.
        Thanks for liking the post Afshan. :)

  5. I am with you on this. I love all the men in my life and pity them for these reasons and much more. But with all these ‘difficulties’ men have an advantage of being physically stronger. We would do/give anything to get that strength from you!

    • Also another disadvantage, you have ladies special trains/buses, men have to just keep looking at them when they pass

    • I don’t know about physical strength Nisha. Maybe it is just a state of mind. For example, Geet teaches in a school. There is no AC there, she has to stand all day and speak/shout for at least 4-5 hours a day. Now, I cannot imagine going through this kind of a stress day in and day out. I sit in an air conditioned office all day. So I believe she has more strength than me.

    • Haha! Yeah. Whenever I take Metro, I always see a disappointment on the faces of men when an empty ladies coach pass by followed by a chock-a-block general coach. :)

  6. I hear you ! I am way out of sports these days and a recent conversation with a fellow Man dealt with me describing how I loved the days of Lendil, Graf, Viv Richards, Schumacher and now I don’t even subscribe to sports channels anymore.

    • I have never followed any sports other than the PS2 variety. They too are a thing of the past now. :) I really don’t understand guys who are crazy about cricket.

  7. that’s why we men always take it to drinking to alleviate our pains..!

    that reminds of a joke my friend cracked .. once we were drinking and my friend’s wife took a sip of the whisky we were drinking and she said. “yeh toh kadwa hai…!!!”

    my friend immedietely replied, “toh tumhe kya lagta hai hum khushi mein peete hai ..!”
    :P :P :P

  8. The evils of patriarchy! Men too have to bear the burden of stereotyping and expectations. As in titanic, men are expected to die as heroes, trying to save the damsel in distress :)

    • Yewe do and the worse part is that no one sympathise with us. :(
      See, again you have set expectations for us. No one wants to die, believe me. :P

  9. Ha, if only you were still single and unattached…I would have whisked you away to puff all those pillows and cushions not to mention dishing out one exotic dinner after another day after day, as I get home tired and grumpy :D

    Loved the post, specially the rise and fall…you poor guys….can’t even lust in private , huh?

    • Haha! Believe me, I would love to be in a job where I have to sit at home. My happiness is directly proportional to my distance from fellow Earthlings. :D
      We can’t lust anywhere, especially in public. In private too, there is always a sword hanging. What if Momma barge in our room?

  10. I keep hearing this from my husband. It is as if you have given words to his thoughts. I know the tennis ball feeling but what really amused be was the junior predicament. Nature can be cruel sometimes. Delightful read Amit.

    • Yes, sometimes the society exterts tremendous pressure on men. The idea is to ignore those pressures but there aren’t many men that are able to cope up with them.
      The Junior predicament is very very problematic at times. Your husband will be able to provide you with elaborate details. :P

  11. That’s the tragedy of manhood, you can never bee man enough.
    My suggestion – wear a churidar, look pretty and try being your wife for a day. And come back and write the sequel.

    • I guess that is the tragedy of both the genders. We strive towards the unattainable stereotypes.
      Haha! Being pretty is the last thing in my wife’s mind when she is at home and both of us wear pyjamas at home. :P

  12. being like a Tennis ball is something my male friends crib about most of the time :P Hilarious as usual Amit ! loved reading it ! Nice to know a man’s perspective :P

    • Thanks Ruchira. :)
      Although I am of the opinion that a man can only be a tennis ball till he allow people to use him as one but most of us are not that self aware. There are a lot of men who are not able to iron things out and end up in a mess.

  13. Thank God I got mine in first, Amit! Otherwise, it would have been a damp squib :)

    By the way, I hope you are on Indi. I normally follow blogs on the Indi-network – convenient for me since it does not clutter up my mail-box. I have been very remiss in not adding you to my network. Doing that now

  14. I have seriously thought about this many times.This kind of stereotyping is true and I know a lot of men struggling with it.Some close friends confessed to me how much they are tensed to help a woman because most of the women look at them with a look scrutinizing the men’s thoughts.Can’t blame women too for this mess because even we are confused whom to trust.

    Good that you wrote this article.

    • I have experienced that too. Even if you want to help someone in need, you are looked upon with suspicion. I do not blame the lady as we are living in evil times. You really can’t trust strangers anymore because of a few rotten apples.

  15. Blaze a trail, Amit. Wonder what ten things Indian males could do to defy the stereotype. Honestly, though, I guess it isn’t easy being either male or female. As long as we manage to have a few good days together…

    • We have to do exactly what the females are doing to defy stereotypes – Fight back. And believe me, males are as reluctant to fight back as females. A majority of us have accepted the guidelines set by our society which is actually very sad.

  16. Sigh. Stereotyping and societal expectations affect both genders, could be in different ways, but they do. Men are as much a victim of patriarchy as women are! Unfortunately with everything today, it’s becoming a battle of the sexes which doesn’t really make sense. I often feel bad for my husband, my Dad too. It isn’t easy. A few rotten apples cast aspersions on every other apple in the basket. I am reminded of the saying “The grass is always greener on the other side” on reading your post. Except there was a recent addition done to it by someone: If the grass is always greener on the other side, the water bill’s got to be higher! :)

    • I think it is mentally straining for both the genders. Of course what women go through in this country is nothing less than a nightmare but there is a constant pressure on males too.
      We now know that the grass is not green anywhere and a higher bill is just a mirage. :)

  17. You are spot on with the descriptions and I feel bad that men have to face these issues. I agree especially with the tennis ball part. Your post seems to so much like Suresh’s.

    • Thanks Lazy Pineapple. A lot of women are agreeing with the tennis ball part. It is an evil that exists because of the joint family system that is so popular in our country.
      Yes, I think Suresh and I started writing our posts at almost the same time. :)

  18. OMG, finally a honest picture of that side. I can not agree more to every single point. And the headings were spot on. I have to say its is very rare to see men opening up with complete abandonment and you did, and did a great job at it without inhibitions, or letting the famous male ego coming in between.

    I am so glad my better half is more human than a Man. I mean in our 14 months of marriage we have become more as partners/friends than Man and wife. We laugh, play, eat, get drunk even cry together on major issues. There is no competition between MIL n me. There is no issues or work which is divided as per gender, free will is practised at our home.

    Glad you actually brought this up, it will basically help me understand the husband and men in general.

    • Thanks OHW for your positive comment. As other commentators have said, patriarchy affects us all in various ways. When it comes down to basics, men are traumatized too.
      I am glad that you have a fulfilling life. There are very few people in the world who have that.

  19. I am so glad you pointed out that Titanic wooden plank scene!! That was one thought plaguing my mind while watching that scene…. why the hell didn’t she pull him along?? :-| Yeesh!

  20. You have put forth good points that were never thought of/considered. Actually, disadvantages of being a male are never really thought of in depth and there are too many assumptions (considering the perspective of gender) of the life of a male being problem-free.

    • The way males are brought up in Indian households is a major reason as to why we are in all this mess. If you tell a child that he is the most important person in the world and also that he has the responsibility to carry forward his family and earn well and keep his parents happy, you will end up messing with his brain. And that is exactly what we do with boys in our families.

  21. hahaha, this should get you some award!! don’t know why i am reading this post now after 3 days!

    and then there are those heroes who buy their favorite clothes from their favorite shops and go back to the same shop the next day and mutter, “no, my wife said you are not going to wear this.” i see these guys every day because i have a garment shop (in case you thought i am an educated person).

    read this as a fun post (have to say this even though there is enough truth in this post).

    • Poor guys. I am oblivious of any such issues as mine and Geet’s dressing sense match. But yes, I have faced the issues with Mom. She used to buy all Govinda stuff for me and a point came when I had to ask her to stop.
      Thanks for liking the post Deb.

  22. Being the eldest male in a family is a curse as the entire responsibility of taking care of the family falls on you. As an elder brother you are always a giver and who ever is at fault the blame goes to you..You have a lot of roles to play like bread winner,bread kneader,trouble shooter,a great spender of money and not a saver as you have nothing to save,you have to satisfy others by giving them whatever they want,carrier of the prestige of the family and blah,blah

  23. As usual so well written Amit. Patriarchy has not spared you guys too. Men who manage the house are looked down upon. Yes you men will be the tennis ball, tabla etc inbetween the wife and mother :-)

    ROFL on the junior part. There is so much pressure on men to perform in all fields. :-)

  24. LOL…so now you know the advantages of being a woman? ;) Better luck next janam mein :P..Amit, one thing I want to include to the list is men have to shave every day :) I always felt sorry for them in that matter…

    • There are no advantages of belonging to any of the genders. Our society does not allow that.
      Shaving. Yes, that is a problem but not as big as periods.

      • Haha…it is better to belong to one of the genders…if we don’t belong to any, our society will make life even miserable..True, many times I think that too…

  25. Loved it! Feels like a logical continuation of Suresh’s post! :)
    Stereotyping men to play certain roles and behave in a certain manner, is as bad. Why can’t we just let the people be, and mind our own business. Easier said than done, I know.

    • Not all are dil ki baat. For example, I have never been treated like a tennis ball. :P
      As for Titanic, I really feel like making Rosa a murgi for killing the poor guy.

  26. LOL!!!! Your posts should come with a disclaimer. Otherwise I look like an idiot laughing my head out staring at my computer.

    Sad tale of the mankind..yeah?

    The rise and fall of the junior was the best ;)

  27. I have grown up with traditional/orthodox men. Even my husband grew up in just such an environment. But he has had no qualms about doing housework or even crying, like when our dog died. I don’t think anyone would dare tell him he is not manly.
    And yet, I do hear you :)

    • The environment at my home was also a bit orthodox but I had to break through it. Thankfully, the shell wasn’t too hard. :) And I too have no qualms about crying. I have even cried while watching a movie as a female friend laughed looking at the tears streaming down my cheeks. :|
      But then, I have seen guys slogging day in and day out trying to fit in that mold. It’s sad.

  28. Now now, this is so insightful :P :P

    I pity the fact that till date, men are burdened upon with the ‘breadwinner’ tag. So much pressure, poor guys :lol: Would help them if some rotation based system is introduced, where they get to do housekeeping :D :D

    Jack and Rose could have lived happily ever after. Damn the writers.

    • Is it? :P
      I think the tag is dissolving in households where both the partners work. In my house, I am not the breadwinner. I just pay the home loan. :)
      Jack is probable encased in an ice block in the ocean bed with a bewildered look on his face.

  29. Excellent. My husband and I are always talking about feminism and what it leads to. I grew up with a feminist mother in Canada (I’m not Indian). Here, where feminism hit along while ago, there are huge problems as men and women are unable to sustain marriages, and both genders feel unappreciated (women in the workplace receiving no respect as mothers from other women or from men, or from banks and other institutions; men expected to pay for everything, and be an emotional support, and need nothing, and say ‘yes’ while being blamed for hundreds of years of historic struggle) . We, men and women both, really need to appreciate eachothers differences and needs, and really understand what works for each gender and what does not. I really think that men need to speak out, as you have, before their rage piles up. Women in the feminist movement let their hatred get out of control, and lost touch completely with what being a women truly entails. Let the men be men, and let the women be women, and let’s all learn!

    • Happymoontime,

      I agree with you. Extreme of anything is harmful. Unfortunately, the Indian society has stereotyped both the genders. Women are trying to break free but we forget that men too have unnecessary burdens hurled upon them. It is extremely stressful to be a male in India.

  30. Yes! That’s it: stereotypes. And beware the stereotypes offered by feminism. The orthodox value system may make men feel useless as mere breadwinners, but imagine when even that role is obliterated. When women compete to be like men, you end up with no feminine presence at all. Men are not valued as anything but disposable toys and babysitters (really not empowering), and women expect to avoid all responsibilities that result from the natural cycle of childbirth and mothering by assuming the male role (also not empowering; just a power struggle).
    By the way, my name is Elise. Happymoontime is an old website I could never get to work. I found your blog looking for reviews of LAK. There is a site called moovee.me which allows you to write reviews of movies in 150 characters or fewer, and so far there are very few people reviewing Bollywood. Trying to write something interesting with a word limit is a good challenge, since you mention wanting to be a writer! It would be great if some more people would join who watch Bollywood!
    Sorry for taking so much space here . . .

    • I believe in live and let live. There is no need for imposing a stereotype on anyone. That is how the whole problems starts. And I don’t believe that Feminism prods women to compete with men. It is all about equality. There should be no roles defined for you based on gender other than what nature has given you.
      Thanks for the information about the website. I will have a look.

  31. To be a man can get pretty confusing at times because our value system, as a society, has been profoundly altered by greed. In many instances, men are not aloud to display neither fear(otherwise we are chickens)nor sadness(otherwise we are girly) but to display anger is o.k. On the other hand, women can display sadness and fear BUT NOT anger ever. ???? We all have all the emotions and are entitled to feel them. We, as mankind, must live in our Heart, treat every single living thing with kindness and love. And the insanity called greed will slowly disappear, like that darn remote control…

    • Isn’t it strange? Men who cry in public are told not to be a girl. Really? Crying is that bad? As humans, we all have similar emotions. How can anyone belittle someone for showing an emotion that is a part of his/her being?
      As you have rightly said, in the end all of us are humans.

  32. I have always pondered about these issues. You have put them in words very well.

    Until unless we consider each other as fellow humans first and male/female second, we won’t be able to get rid of these situations resulting out of gendered behavior and stereotypes.

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