Strike Daddy is hiring!

Strike Daddy

Wanted – Strike Care Executives (SCE) to carry out systematic and methodological strikes of varying degrees in India and abroad.

Company Profile – Strike Daddy is a reputed firm that has an elite list of clandestine clientele who firmly believe in strikes and its positive outcomes. Our clients include prominent political parties, businessmen and unions. We specialize in organized strikes and are an OSMMI (Organised Strike Maturity Model Index) Level 5 company. Our success rate is 100% with a variance of +/- 5%. Our annual turnover (not including the black money) is 2000 crores per year which makes us the Number One Strike Specialist of India. We have been awarded the coveted Best Strike Organizer award by the ISU (International Strike Union) 4 times in a row from 2008-2012.

Job Details

SCE-TV (Trainee Vandals) We are hiring inexperienced staff for our operations all across India. Field experience in an established company is not required. However, the aspirants must provide proof of roadside squabbles/fist fights/gun fights etc. Applicant should have failed in at least one class in his/her school. People who have not completed school and who aspire to become politicians will be preferred. Please do not apply if you look like Bollywood actor Imran Khan. Experience : 0-6 months

SCE-AV (Associate Vandals) : Applicant should have relevant work experience in a reputed Strike Organization (SO) firm. It is mandatory to carry a copy of all the FIRs lodged against the applicant. Applicants with more than 5 FIRs will be given preference. Applicant should have at least 1.5 years of field experience which must include one or more of the following activities – burning of public vehicles, smashing windows and doors of offices, manhandling/beating common man, shouting slogans, clash with police. Genuine photographs showing the applicant indulging in the above mentioned acts will be accepted. Men can also submit proofs of molestations/rape charges. Experience : 6 months – 3 years

SCE-SV (Senior Vandals) : In addition to a relevant work experience in a reputed SO firm, the applicant should have a field experience of at least 5.5 years. The applicant should have spent at least one year in jail (need not be a continuous one year term). The applicant should be a political aspirant and should have at least 2 rape charges (NA for women applicants), 10 molestation charges (NA for women applicants), 5 murder/kidnapping/black-marketing/dacoity/corruption charges pending against him/her in various courts in India. It is mandatory for the applicant to have bashed at least 2 policemen. Must have lead to the death of at least 5 people by a traffic jam or a train delay. Experience : 3 years – 7 years

Documents required – Applicants should bring substantial proofs like photographs, newspaper clippings (containing name or a clear picture of the applicant), hospital bills, television report clips (showing applicant in a clear view), FIR reports, Court case documents, Jail term proofs etc. Please note that witness accounts are not acceptable. Please do not bring broken teeth/chopped fingers/skin fragments/ears/tongue/eyeballs of your victims as proof.

Selection Procedure – We use advanced SST (Simulated Strike Tests) to evaluate the applicants on a point based exam. We use cut edge technologies like SSM (Scream Shrillness Meters), FCM (Fight Capacity Meters), AC (Animalism Capacitors), PE (Pyrophobia Evaluators), ECBCM (Effigy Creation & Burning Capability Model) etc to judge the capacity of the applicants to become a reputed Strike Care Executive. There will be group discussion rounds. Dummy Knives, stones, tree stumps, hockey sticks, swords and pistols will be provided for the same. Please do not bring any personal equipment.

Training Details – Our various level of SCC (Savage Creation Certifications) are specially designed to give you the required boost in your career. Based on your relevant years of experience, you can get a certification from Level 0 to 5. In addition to regular theory classes in strike procedures there are practical coaching by celebrity Strike Care Executives (SCE) as well. In the end of the induction course, there is an internship for 2 weeks with a reputed SCE before a final evaluation and project assignment.

Job Application Details – Walk-ins on 4th and 5th March 2013 in our headquarters in Noida, which is the best location for hands-on experience. If you are not able to attend the walk-in, please send your resume to fire&ash&guns&cash@strikedaddy.com.

Handsome salaries available. Opportunity to work in various locations in India with reputed clients. Onsite opportunities also available.

Chocolaty boys and Chui-mui girls need not apply. If you have been rejected in the last 6 months by us, don’t push your luck and make us come after you by applying again.

[image from here]

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52 comments on “Strike Daddy is hiring!

  1. Hahaha
    Rofl at don’t apply if u look like Imran khan
    On a lighter note one should think of these opportunities taking the rare interview calls in to consideration :(
    On a serious note brilliant as well. No wonder this must b a real scenario

    • You cannot have anything below zero years of experience. :|
      Try breaking someone’s nose and get yourself photographed during the act. Then get a fake school certificate that you failed in a class. And try to talk like a politician during the interview. That’s it! You will make it.

  2. What a gas. How do you keep churning them out, Amit?

    As for our vandals, the scum of the earth, might as well laugh at them or we’ll get really depressed. Oh, and I love the category, “drivel”

  3. You Amit, are one of the most wonderful writers I have ever read..I swear on that! What an ad, man! what an ad! I was so so upset with the bandh because it meant getting worried if the brat is going to reach to the daycare safely yaada yaada..it didnt affect Bombay too much, but at the end of the day, it just gave me so much of headache and heart ache…I wonder if these bandhs really serve their purpose???

    • Thanks R’s Mom. :)
      The problem with bandhs is that they serve everyone except the common man. If there is a loss of life or property then it is the common man who has to bear everything. Geet teaches in Noida where all that drama happened and they burnt a few vehicles. She was returning from school when all this happened. It was very scary.

  4. Awesomness!!!! Bowing, Bowing and Bowing to your writing Amit! :-)

    As long as such illiterate and jobless people exist, they will continue to be used by these politicians and the likes. I have never been able to understand what these bands hope to serve, except harass and inconvenience the common man.

    • Haha! Thanks Liju. You are very kind. :)
      Think of it the other way around – As long as politicians would like to use people, they will keep them illiterate and jobless.

  5. Strike DADDY??? What a name, to begin with! :P

    You know what? Sashtang pranam!! Hats off to your creativity!! If it weren’t for the content, I would have passed this off as a routine job vacancy advertisement seeing the structure of this! lol….

    Please do not bring broken teeth/chopped fingers/ skin fragments /ears/ tongue/ eyeballs of your victims as proof.
    Talk about height of desperation! :P :roll:

    The last line was the killer! :mrgreen:

  6. Hahaha..:-D
    So it was this company’s employees creating ruckus in delhi. I was in delhi for a ‘genuine’ job interview and the other side of road was full of broken car window panes and shouting people and a long long traffic jam. Thank god I was on the opposite way otherwise I would surely had to forget that job and apply here…
    By the way other than strike executives, does your company require someone for managing the heavy cashflow and turnover.. #An unemployed CA#… ;-) :-P :-D

    • Wow! You were actually there? Did you take any autographs? There must be some celebrity SCOs there.
      And it’s not my company. I just saw the job vacancy in one of the newspapers and thought about sharing it for the betterment of mankind. :P
      They must be having non-field posts. You must enquire.

    • It is very tough. Strike Daddy is considered as a Microsoft equivalent in the world of Strike jobs. The package is mindboggling. You really have to be exceptional to get through the selection criteria.
      What? Masterminding? This is not my company! :P

  7. Arreh Wah Dude- taking the meaning of organization to new levels!
    My Fav bit- “We use cut edge technologies like SSM (Scream Shrillness Meters), FCM (Fight Capacity Meters), AC (Animalism Capacitors), PE (Pyrophobia Evaluators), ECBCM (Effigy Creation & Burning Capability Model) etc to judge the capacity of the applicants to become a reputed Strike Care Executive.”

  8. Brilliant! Loved he way you swapped software jargon into Strike ones! I have no doubt that Noida is the worst of all, but Gurgaon is trailing close behind. :(
    Considering the unemployment in India, I think many people will be interested to join Strike Daddy. After-all, now they will be officially paid for something which they were doing for free( or black money)

    Even people working in software industry might be interested in joining. They are frustrated, the industry isn’t booming, little or no hikes are expected and they have already mastered the art of ‘verbally’ managing their bosses. A hands on training later, they’ll be ready to kick off common men’s asses too!

    • Thanks Akanksha. :)
      I think Noida, Gurgaon and Delhi and all in a league.
      It’s not just unemployment. Some people join for pure fun. That is what the company strives to achieve. Work mixed with fun.
      Now how many of us enjoy our jobs? The company is thinking of providing part-time employment facilities also.

    • What do you mean by “pass off”! :|
      It is a genuine job advert.
      Yes, the selection process is very strict. You cannot expet anything less from a top company.

  9. So you are clearly not getting hired, Amit :). A delightfully funny post. And though it is not advertised, this actually is a thriving industry already run by political parties.

  10. Amit, this post is a Daddy of all satires that came my way in some years! It is hard for me to point at a favourite section, but the ‘Documents required’ had me in splits! Carry on, crusader!

  11. dear sir, i am applying for the post of SCE-TV. I have all the qualifications required and assure you that i believe in teamwork (we sink or swim together; i will not go down alone) and am eager to become an asset in your organisation. i have only one small request: can the training be carried out within 50 feet of my front door? the security ankle device i am wearing will send a signal to the nearest police station if i move more than 50 feet away from the door. thank you. i await your favourable and early response.

    • MS,
      Thank you showing interest in the company. As we have strict company rules, we do not carry door-to-door interviews. But we can provide you technicians to tweak your security ankle device so that you could easily visit the company for an interview. Please mail us if you are interested.

  12. Amit, I seriously wonder how you come up with these ideas…:-) btw, go to any state capital and you’ll find plenty of these companies…come to hyd…you won’t find any vacancies…they are all full.

  13. Tell you what, you should just compile these and make some job ad collection of sorts. I wouldn’t be surprised if you start getting offers on your linkedIn :P

    I wish everyone would write detailed ads like you!

    Really well written Amit! :)

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