Excerpts from Sambha’s diary – II

Read Part One here – Excerpts from Sambha’s diary – I

in March you egoistic fool!!!!

10 March, 1976

Dear Diary,

Gabbar can be really stupid at times. It was July when he decided to attack Ramgarh during Holi. Holi is celebrated in March! By the time the fool realized that he should have said Diwali instead of Holi, the words had left his mouth. Now Gabbar has this huge ego problem and he hates to correct himself in front of the whole gang. Result – We had to wait for 9 months to attack Ramgarh. Can you fuc*ing believe that? I went back to sulk on the rock.

12 March, 1976

Dear Diary,

We attacked the village today. Much before we reached Ramgarh and started firing shots in the air, almost everyone knew that Gabbar was coming because he had not taken a bath from the last 5 months. And the fool was talking about a clandestine entry! I saw Jai and Veeru for the first time. We had them but that bloody Basanti Dhanno-ed in and they got away. That girl is so irritating. The man who marries her will die of exploding eardrums. Anyways, it seems that there was some tension between the hired help and Thakur. I guess they do not know that he is hand-less. You have to be really blind to be with someone 24X7 and not know that.

13 March, 1976

Dear Diary,

Gabbar is royally pissed off. He has been screaming all day and beating us up. For the first time, I am thankful that I sit on a high rock. The gang is really unstable right now. When he had Jai and Veeru on gunpoint during Holi, Gabbar would have shot them. But the moron had to display histrionics and say his dialogues. He ended up with sand in his eyes. Serves him well.

p.s. We are having a secret meeting tonight sans Gabbar.

17 March, 1976

Dear Diary,

We have decided in the secret meeting that we cannot tolerate duffer Gabbar anymore. If Jai and Veeru do not kill him in a month, we will. Today he killed a boy from the village called Ahmed and sent his body back to his blind father who went – ‘Itna Sannata kyun hai bhai? (Why the silence)’ – after the whole village went statue on seeing the dead body. Gabbar did not shoot Ahmed. He just pulled Ahmed towards him, opened his mouth and blew air from his not-brushed-or-rinsed-since-eternity mouth just like those Colgate adverts. Ahmed clutched his own throat and died of suffocation.

23 March, 1976

Dear Diary,

Yay!Yay!Yay! We captured Basanti and Veeru today. Veeru was tied to some random pillars and Basanti was ordered to dance. It is after such a long time since a woman has danced amongst us (Helen did that last August) but Gabbar did not allow anyone to touch her. Sigh! This guy should be covered up with a blanket and beaten to unconsciousness. Veeru kept saying – Inn Kutton ke aage mat naach Basanti (Don’t dance in front of these dogs!) but then Gabbar told her that if she stops thiraking (dancing), Verru will die. It was a bit inhuman. He should have allowed her to take water breaks.

Yoonki…ab Gabbar ke samne dance-ne ka mauka baar baar to nahi milta aur Veeru bhi yaha hai. Ab dekhne wali baat ye hai ke aisa mauka Basanti haath se kaise jane de sakti hai kyunki shaadi to usse Veeru se hi karni hai. Aur dekhne wali baat ye hai ke Jai bhi to aata hi hoga. Grrrrrrrr

But then Jai came and everyone started firing at everyone. I tell you, it was such mayhem that it was a perfect chance to let a bullet into Gabbar’s skull by mistake. Anyways, Jai saved Basanti and Veeru and asked them to bring help and the bloody idiot jumped on a bomb and blew off the bridge.

Everyone arrived before the police and Gabbar got a nice thrashing from Veeru. We were all cheering him. Good riddance! Then Thakur came with his super cool spiky shoes and started mincing Gabbar. The sight filled me with such pleasure that I had tears in my eyes. But when he was going to hit him really hard and finish him off, that annoying, nose pokey police officer came and rambled on and on about not taking Kanoon (law) in your hands.

‘Motherf#$%$%#$@#!#!@#!@## Policeman!!,” I cussed louder than I had wished and everyone stared at me.

Yes! Yes! Give it to him! Ohhhhhh God yesssss Thakur!! Kill the idiot!

17 July, 1976

Dear Diary,

Today was the first day in jail. The first thing they did was to scrub and wash Gabbar after a constable fainted. They shaved him as well – head to chin. I could not recognize him at all. The lice have abandoned the planet as his head is now like a drought hit desert. His breath smells of mint and there is a breeze every time he speaks. He looks like a lost lamb now. Sometimes I feel sorry for him.

23 July, 1976

Dear Diary,

My arse is going mulayam (soft). I miss my rock.

[images from 1,2,3]

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56 comments on “Excerpts from Sambha’s diary – II

  1. Amit, you get such gross ideas..died of suffocation..omg!..hahaahaa…ROFL….ayyo..that’s it? only two parts..A dairy is supposed to have 365 days …:)

    • Sambha maintained the dairy for all his life. He spent his last days in the jail. He died one night when the ever expanding fat Gabbar fell on him. But these are just excerpts from his diary. I might do one post about his life in the jail. :)
      Thanks Latha. I have nothing but pity for Ahmed.

  2. Really funny! I totally adored the last line — arse going soft :). And, I can sort of imagine Gabbar being so dirty and lice infested. He does look shaggy and dirty in the movie. That was a fun read :).How about a spoof on Deewar or some such epic?

  3. You should write Sambha’s Biography :) with sentences like “Basanti Dhanno-ed in and they got away” and “arse is going mulayam (soft)” included.
    Totally Awesome !!

  4. Classic pearls
    “That girl is so irritating. The man who marries her will die of exploding eardrums.”
    “Helen did that last August”
    “He should have allowed her to take water breaks.”
    “My arse is going mulayam (soft). I miss my rock.” :D

  5. Ha ha ha! Loved the Holi fiasco of Gabbar, which must have put off his bath too, I suppose. At least he might have got drenched in some coloured water, had he asked the question on time, eh? :D

    • I suspect that is why he skipped taking a bath for 5 months because he was waiting for Holi. I always thought Gabbar was an idiot but this diary confirmed my doubts. :D

  6. Jail ke andar arse mulayam hone lage toh there must be a lot be worried about! hehhehh….
    Btw, what soap is Gabbar using in jail? Sounds like a good brand…I am looking for a change myself.

    • No No. I did not find a hint of any such thing in his diary. :)
      I think he was using Pears. There was a line somewhere about looking at the jailer coming towards him through the soap.

  7. This is too good. Can’t stop laughing! A real boost when am all down and low and missing home! :) Perhaps you should now write Gabbar’s diary – to justify Sambha’s allegations. Didn’t it enter Sambha’s mind that Gabbar might be gay given there were no girls in his camp?

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