Yes, I am serious and I do not understand where the problem is? It is such a golden opportunity for increasing the revenue of various states, not to forget that it will also streamline the influx of foreign Indians (The Indians who do not belong to a particular state) in every state. I am not in favor of splitting India like USSR because lets face it, if that happens, some of the newly created countries will end up worse than Congo, Zimbabwe and Burundi. Let us look at a few incidences and headlines to understand why a Visa is such a good idea:
- Uddhav Thackeray and Raj Thackeray are fighting like two cats trying to snatch the limelight for who will declare Maharashtra as a Maratha only zone. They have this specific problem with Biharis and they have done everything from beating them up and now asking for a permit for them to work in Maharashtra. According to them, the Marathi manoos is capable of handling their state and they do not want external Indians taking up their jobs just like a lot of Maratha people have taken up American and European jobs.
- Now we have a vague idea about what happened during the partition of India by looking at how 30,000 Chinkis (as we fondly call them) ran away from various south Indian cities (and Pune) to save their lives. There were trains loaded with Chaptas (as we again call them fondly) stacked over each other leaving Bangalore as they were attacked for being working in the wrong state.
- The Northie and Madrasi conflict is as old as Zohra Sehgal. Madrasis do not like Northies because the Northies always have their nose up in the air, they spend like idiots and think that they are some superior race. The Northies do not like Madrasis because they wear chappals to work, start every sentence with an ‘Aiyaiyoo’ and collect gold as if they will spend the rest of their life sitting on it like a dragon.
- The Kashmiri Pandits ran for their life in a mass exodus during the 80s and the 90s from Kashmir. They have sprinkled themselves all over India and are working in states they do not belong to.
- Mullaperiyar dam row between Kerala and Tamil Nadu lead to Keralites and Tamils thrashing each other and almost 2000 Tamilians fled Kerela to save their lives. Yes, they are both Madrasi states. Don’t ask me to explain. I am a Northie and it is complicated for me. This basically shows that even Madrasis can fight with each other and so can Northies.
- Karnataka (which is turning into Mini Afghanistan) had a recent incident of 98 labourers from West Bengal, Orissa, Rajasthan, Bihar being dragged out of a train and assaulted allegedly by Akhil Bharatiya Vidyarthi Parishad (ABVP) members. The activists probably thought that the labourers were from Bangladesh because they looked like Bangladeshis (?). Anyone with a hue somewhere between wheatish and black is a Bangladeshi.
After all these wonderful incidences of brotherly love we can very safely recommend a Visa procedure for anyone who wants to enter a state in which he was not born for work or pleasure. This will definitely reduce the attacks on the helpless immigrants who, like idiots, start working anywhere in India thinking that it is their birthright. This will also increase the revenue for various states in the form of Visa processing fee. Each state can have an embassy in every other state in India which will also provide employment to the locals there.
We can also have something like a Schengen visa in which an Indian will have the freedom to visit a group of states. So, we can have a Madrasi Visa which can be used to visit Kerela, Tamil Nadu, Karnataka and Andhra Pradesh. We can have a Chinki Visa for a visit to the North East, a Bloody Northie Visa to visit any state above Karnataka, a Bangali-Bihari Visa to visit West Bengal, Orissa and Bihar.
Of course there will be a Platinum Jai Maharashtra Visa which will be exclusive and will not be combined with any other state. Yeah! Call the Maratha Manoos a snob but tell you what, it’s their fuc*ing state. So stop rubbing your nose to get inside it. Go to Gujrat instead. Their Visa norms will be next to non-existent.
The first step towards realizing this goal to build up a modern India is to accept the fact that we are extremely racist. We cry foul when someone beats up an ‘Indian’ in Australia. We don’t care whether that ‘Indian’ is a Madrasi or a Northie. We beat our chest and dare the Australians to do that again if they are asli Maa ke Puttar (Son of their mothers) and then back home we ask for permits for people from one state to work in another. Punjabis think Bengalis are idiots and snobs. Bengalis think all Punjabis do is make Aaloo Paratha. We cannot point out Mizoram on the map of India but have the audacity to ask a Mizo whether he is from Korea. So, basically, we cannot see beyond our own way of living and have no idea about the ‘Unity in Diversity’ which we are so proud of. We hate each other.
Once we get over this fact, the process of setting up a separate visa entry for every state will be easy. The states have to setup fences and put up force to make sure there is no illegal immigration otherwise they would end up like Assam where half of Bangladesh now resides. There have to be specific entry points on Airports, Railway stations and Bus stations.
I am sure this activity will give us ample reasons to stop all the violence, lead the Thackerays to spend the rest of their lives in the Himalayas and make all of us immensely proud to be an Indian. Yet again.