While I was watching “The Curious case of Benjamin Button“, there was something which amused me. Its not as if the movie seeded the thought in my mind, but yes, it did fanned it. I have discussed it with a lot of people since then, and the answers I got amused me more. No, I don’t have an answer myself, but then, I am always miserable while drawing “thin” lines between “what is” and “what should be”.
When Benjamin was growing up small, he had affairs with a lot of women. Some were satiation of carnal desires with prostitutes, some were affairs with girls who were ready to validate their new found knowledge about the birds and the bees and there was one affair with a married woman, Elizabeth Abbott. But, then at the end of the day, he loved just one woman, Daisy. Even when he was having sex with so many women around the world, he knew that he always loved Daisy and returns to her finally. This brings me to my question – Are love and sex two different things?
No matter how incredulously illogical or deep my question might sound, I believe that the answer will depend on the country in which I am asking it. In India, for example, we think that love and sex should be inseparable. Years ago, I remember watching a TV show which dealt with the same question. Most of the people believed that you can’t have sex with a person if you don’t love him/her. It would be meaningless. I have heard people saying that they will only have sex with the person they marry. That is how a majority(99%) of Indians think.
On the other hand, if I ask this question in a society where couples have sex with a variety of partners and sometimes live in together for months and “try” each other out before making a final decision, I would certainly be laughed at. Live in relationships are considered great because they are stress free and you are not bound by a single partner.
So what is it? Is it all right to be a virgin till 25 and wait to get married or fall in love to have sex OR is it all right to have sex with a lot of partners from the opposite gender to fall in love? I have known some people who think its a sin to have sex before marriage and I have known people who are in a live in relationship. They are two different set of happy people. All of us has the ability to be happy with what we have chosen, even when we are not happy with it. But then how much is too much? Its something similar to the debate about how women should dress. Its fine when we say that Purdah should be discouraged but are you all right with a naked woman walking on the street? You might say that if the woman does not have a problem they why should we? You might be right but does that naked woman make you uncomfortable? Do you wish that she would have worn some clothes? Well, that is what I am talking about. We do have an opinion about it all.
Let me try to understand this. From what I could gather, Sex is something like brushing your teeth or having a cup of tea. It is something which can be done, which can become an essential part of your life. On the other hand, love is a level up. It goes beyond the physicality, the animal instincts. Its foundation lies in the fact that you like a person beyond what can be seen with naked eyes. Sex just comes on the way. Its just an essential and integral part of love. Sex is animalism. Love is human. Having sex with a person a number of times cannot make you fall in love with him/her.
How does your brain work? What seems right to you? Is it fine to change partners like clothes until you find the right fit? Or is it fine to wait to get married to fall in love? Is it all a game of patience and priorities OR is it just a matter of lack or presence of choices?
p.s. I was so glad that the director killed Benjamin Button when he was a baby. For a second, I thought that he would end up being a sperm!