Have you ever come across a situation when you want to laugh out loud but somehow have to hold yourself back because you know that if you start laughing
- You will fall off the chair.
- Collect the whole staff in the office.
- Your cachinnation might crack the glass door.
- You might choke yourself while tears run down your eyes.
So, you sit there like a lost pup trying to make sense of the rapid sentences falling on your ears. You try to arrange the words to understand the hidden meaning but by the time you grasp it, another convulsive sentence hit your eardrums. Something of this nature happened with yours truly and two of my friends when we decided to meet an agent to buy some Mutual Funds. We hopped into his office at around 7 pm and as soon as he opened his mouth, another of his colleague entered the discussion room and thus ensured the roller coaster ride. No malicious intentions, but you have to read some of his Quotable Quotes. He was fun to be with and was quite intelligent which stems from the fact that he started his introduction by saying the following line – “My colleague here is very intelligent, but, actually what I want to say is….” Throughout the next 2.5 hours, I wished for a Taser to materialize from somewhere, so that I could stun him every time he went off-topic.
So, here are some of the Quotes which describe the exact reason to buy Mutual Funds. There are no intentional mistakes. The lines are straight from the horse’s mouth :
- “You will die in five years. You will rash driving, drink and driving. You will die. Mutual Funds is not only ok. Your family need insurance too.” [We gave a collective gasp at the first sentence.]
- “I did research. You know how much a Tea stall wala earns? 5-15 lakh earning. He is wearing dirty clothes and pee-pull[people] with suits come to him and think that he is poor.” [Tea stall wala and Mutual Funds? The purpose of the quote was completely lost, but we still smiled and nodded our heads.]
- “Boys come to me for discussions but then they go and spend 20,000 on 4 girls. Girls are always selling boys. But girls are Pakka. They save money.” [girls selling boys???]
- “I don’t deal with girls. Girls always asking fathers. Fathers sitting in remote villages. They tell girls – take LIC, why do spend in Funds. Fathers don’t know anything but girls always believe them.” [ I just wanted to shake him and scream - CAN WE GET TO THE POINT???]
- Pee-pull[people] spend so much money. Globes[Globus], Lui Philip[Louis Phillip], MutthuBishi Lancer[Mitsubishi lancer], big house. They want everything. I buy refrigerator last month. I did one swoosh[he meant that he swiped his credit card] and there was fridge. [By now I was biting my tongue so that I don't laugh the next time he says pee-pull]
- Marriage very expensive. My one friend wanted to go to KuluManli for Honeymoon. His wife said we go to Mauritius. He said I have no money. His wife said, You beggar, I will give money. We go to Mauritius. [This one completely got me. I gave him such a shocked expression that he took it to be a genuine concern for his friend.]
- After marrige, your haircut cost 25 Rs, your wife haircut cost 500 Rs, your child playschool cost 50,000 Rs. You have no money. You ask fathers. He give money to grandchildren. Why will he give money to you? [ I was holding an imaginary knife and stabbing myself ]
- Life expectancy very less. I worked in Java, I got everything on table. Food on table, water on table. I was very handsome. Not handsome, but smart. But now look at me. I am having this belly with a child in it. [Thankfully my phone rang and I ran out of the room. I just couldn't hold it any longer.]
- A few days ago one of my friend go to Pondicherry to see movie. We don’t have halls in Chennai? He went for 2 days and spent 7000 Rs for the entertainment of the purpose(!!!!). Pee-pull[people] don’t save but they only do “swoosh”. [Now after discussing his personal life, he was pounding on his friend's]
- Unprofessional I dont work. The three of you can get me murdered. You pee-pull have already wasted 21 years in education. It is your money. [
]
We waited with bated breath for another pearl of wisdom to drop out of his mouth. But he thankfully stopped. It was 9.30 pm now and we were damn hungry. We quickly signed all the necessary papers and burst out of the building taking deep breaths. As soon as we landed into the autorikshaw, we guffawed our hearts out, stunning the driver in the process. He must have thought that we were drunk. He turned once to check if everything was all right.
The Idiosyncracies of pee-pull. Huh!!!
Torch against Terrorism
The White Tiger
Aravind Adiga(3/5)
Dead Poets Society(4/5)
Valkyrie(4/5)
Frozen River(4/5)
Trainspotting(5/5)
12 Angry Men(5/5)
I think you wont forget this in near future
You may remember everytime you get some dividend or something into your bank account 
I enjoyed the complete experience again. This discussion was so much fun and not to forget at times we got chances to laugh out loud also. Whatever it was he gave some good advices for investments. On the whole it was lot of gyan and even more fun.
I laughed again after reading this article..:-))
It was gr8 fun to interact wid that advisor.. We were in the situation of laughing out lauder but cold not do that.. the best ones were ” Child in the belly” and 500 rs hair cut…..
But on the whole it was knowledgeable session also.. which takes the example from the daily life and explains the importance of good financial planing…
A funny informative session…:-)))
This was HILARIOUS!!! Cant imagine how you sat through the whole lecture. I would have ended up rolling on the floor. If you visit him everyday, you can very easily start a comic series of you own. And then the pee-pull will laugh with you
I fell off the chair while reading the post!
//After marrige, your haircut cost 25 Rs, your wife haircut cost 500 Rs, your child playschool cost 50,000 Rs. You have no money. You ask fathers. He give money to grandchildren. Why will he give money to you?/-loved this one.
//“You will die in five years. You will rash driving, drink and driving. You will die”//- will you be left with money after this
Hilarious. And as laughing makes you healthy your MF wala banda has extended your life by 5 years
this was best Marriage very expensive. My one friend wanted to go to KuluManli for Honeymoon. His wife said we go to Mauritius. He said I have no money. His wife said, You beggar, I will give money. We go to Mauritius.
Hilarious.
And you patiently listened to all that crap?
Very hilarious!! Reminded me of one of our project managers who had funny english. Once in an annual meeting she said “This year has been very successful. During the client visit, we had many meetings with them. A,B,C and D were successfully able to excite the client in close door meetings. They were so excited they came to we!” We weren’t able to contain our laughter. To this day, whenever we think about this we laugh so hard. At another video conference she said, “A, can you see my voice and hear my face?” It’s so funny to witness such people.
LOL !!! ………heck of post man……..
Can u send this guy to pune…….I would like to buy MF from him
abe dont tell me tihs is a real incident .. agar trhius is a real incident ,.. tehn give me teh number of that bandaa.. i will talk to him daily for 5 minutes for a daily dose of laughter… hehe… this man has some quality to make pee-pull laugh … LOL!!!!
It was a complete laughter session for you guys… the incidents mentioned simply make me laugh and made me imagine how difficult it would have been for you pee pull to hold on laughter…
don’t know how he could relate it to mutual funds.. lol!! but would have been truly a funny experience…
The comments by Anand made me laugh again
ROFL !!
“Unprofessional I dont work. The three of you can get me murdered. You pee-pull have already wasted 21 years in education. It is your money.”
And he Worked it JAVA ? :-O
“After marrige, your haircut cost 25 Rs, your wife haircut cost 500 Rs, your child playschool cost 50,000 Rs.”
BUHAHAHAAHAHAA !!
ha ah ah aha ha a ahaha ah ah!this beats the rectangular ball!
man, that was the funniest speech I’ve ever heard, or read. How do these pee pull get on such high ranks without knowing correct english. I mean speak in hindi, but don’t disgrace a language
at the end you still managed to sign the papers? What kinda pee-pulls are you?
There is something about real life jokes that beat the made-up jokes hands down!
I don’t know whether you managed to keep a straight face through all this but I have a difficulty in controlling my laughter. I would have choked right there and then!
LOL, I’m totally gonna make my dad read this. Our mutual fund waala is also a really funny guy.
And I can so totally understand the Wanna laugh but can’t laugh situation. It’s happened at least two times in 12th. One time was in my chemistry class the Chemistry teacher was teaching Electromagnetic Wave theory and I was sitting on the first bench. And at least 25 times maine apni hasi roki because he was saying “Electromagnetic Babe Theory”. Matlab jitni baar wave aaya usne har baar babe bola. “Transverse Babe”, “Electromagnetic Babe” yeh woh. Jaise hi baahar gaya hum log itna hase ke kya bataun. Then one of my friends went, “Yaar electromagnetic babe toh mast hogi..usko haath lagayenge toh shock lagega” and again all of us went ZOMG LOL.
And then there was the maths teacher. Three fourths of our class had flunked in the maths exam. So he said in a really serious tone – “Raje, chullubhar paani mein naak dubo lo”. And we had to keep quiet kyunki lecture pad raha tha. As soon as he went out, everyone started laughing. Yaar chullubhar paani mein doob ke mar jao toh suna tha par yeh naak dubo lo toh first time hai.
@Vijaya Bharat : I think I would laugh even when my accounts are in a loss.
I would completely blame Lokesh to ask him to give a brief introduction. Brief, indeed. 
I even thought of switching on the voice recorder on my mobile so that we can listen to it later, but I was not sure for how long he was going to carry on the blah blah…
Now when I look back, I wonder how I sat there for such a long time. 
Hahahaha
So once after the preboards, he came in the class and picked up the paper with the least marks on it. He called the student’s name and slapped him hard when he came forward. They he said – Ye kya marks hain Jaune?? 1 jaune 2 jaune 5 jaune 10 jaune? 100 main se 10 jaune?? kya hai ye Jaune??
@Atipriya, @Lokesh : What Gyan man!!! The guy was a freak. Its a miracle that the three of us survived him. We would have choked to death in the autorikshaw.
@Oemar : Oh man!!! I was biting my tongue every few minutes. We tried to laugh sometimes whenever we got some chance, but it was quite rare.
@Pr3rna : You see, I am the epitome of endurance. I survived it.
@Anand : Yeah, now my family will get more insurance money after I die. Oh..That means i’ll die after 10 years and not 5??
@Xylene : Yup.
@Maddie : //A,B,C and D were successfully able to excite the client in close door meetings….lol. A few months back, we got a mail from one of the project leads in which he had misspelled “list” as “lust”. The mail went to the whole team, and we were laughing for the whole week.
@Sachin : Sure sure. I will ask him if I dare to meet him again.
@Rajneesh : Oh, I don’t think phone will create the magic. You have to see this guy in action.
@Dhawal : You are laughing just by reading the post. Just imagine yourself sitting there.
@Priya : Hehehe…He actually explained each of these points with some more details. Each point took around 10-15 minutes, so you can imagine.
@Vishesh : You Bet.
@Perx : The problem was that the poor guy didn’t know Hindi and we didn’t know Tamil. Thus the only option was English, in whatever form it may be.
@Liju Philip : Yes yes, we were quite quick at that. We had to get out and explode.
@Nita : Yes, nothing can beat real life incidences. I tried very hard to manage a straight face, but at the end we were laughing too(not too much though). One hour into the discussion, and I was messaging my friends(who were sitting next to me) – I have to put this on my blog. It was at that point that somehow they lost control too.
@Ish : Yup, and let me know if he liked it.
and //Electromagnetic babe???? LOL
My school principal was one funny guy too. He had this habit of putting “Jaune” after every sentence. Till date, we don’t know what it means.
Boy, that was one time, when my face went completely red trying to suppress the laugh. I turned around and saw 40 other dark red faces.
Jaune? LOL. Find out what that means!
And that reminds me of my maths teacher. He says “Raje” before anything to anyone. So we joke that when he’s gonna call our parents, he’ll go “Raje, aapka bachcha padh nahi raha hai, kuch karo”. And all that when they’re older than him. :-j
That is one _prolific_ and dare I say, magical, mythical horse out of whose mouth all these lines emanated.
thats really hilarious…………..the more such people you meet….more reasons for us to laugh!!
ROFLMAO! That was GOLD!!! The marriage one was the best!
@Ish : i tried to search on the internet too, but can’t get it. I think it is some sort of “takiya-kalam”, something related to a slang of a perticular region. Anyways, this is just one incidence. We used to hear such sentences every few days. Once I went to his office and he was eating grapes from a bowl and his feet were on the table. We named him “Jaune-Anguri” that day.
Some sort of a Unicorn with huge white wings and a pot belly. 
He completely made our day.
@Shefaly : Oh yes, you bet.
@Abha : Yeah, I hope that I keep meeting such people too. Atleast a few parts of my body will get an exercise.
@Ashish : Hehehe. Thankyou. I am glad that I was able to make the Emperor laugh.
Now, coming to think of it, I remember, my science teacher in school was discussing something about television. I dont exactly recall what the topic was, it was something about channel “SEX MAX” which was newly aired. On the board she went on to write, you can watch this on “SEX MAX”.
. We were laughing so hard then. It took us some time to control our laughter and correct her about what she had written. I guess she had something else on her mind when she wrote that. 
hey by mistake even I wrote the same thing. It was about channel SET MAX.
This post funny. I laugh. Pee-pull laugh also with me. I want life. I want insurance! I will go get a life now!
(hahaha!! I wish I could’ve met this freak, man! Hilarious!)
This was a mutually satisfying fundoo post!
I just
peedpeeped into your blog to say hi!Nice no?
I am trying your comment box’s code. In case it doesn’t work, do edit, please!
Funny quotes dude.
@amit
u lucky guy…mast timepass hua hoga tera!!!! 
wat was dis aboout??? i mean wat was dat guy? a weirdo..
@Maddie : Hey, your logo is looking good now.
And you really can’t blame your science teacher, you are doing the same thing. 
@Nikhil : I can arrange your meeting I think. I’ll tell him that there is a guy who wants a 10 crore insurance. Rest is your headache.
@Rambodoc : Errr…thanks. I hope the post was good enough to be pee[pe]d into.
@Lallopallo : Thanks.
@Riddhima : It would have been better if they would have given us some tea and snacks. You should keep on munching when you are watching a movie, specially a comedy one.
What kind of pee -pull are they
ROFL …
@Allirekha :
Not earthlings. I am damn sure.
Absolutely Hilarious…I have to hand it to you for your control.
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